shortymd11 Posted August 4, 2004 Posted August 4, 2004 Hey guys, I'm here askin' for your advice! I am dating a man 15 years older than I am. I am only 18. He doesn't think it will work because of our age difference, but we have been with each other since March. What do you guys think? Is it O.K.? He doesn't think it is socially acceptable! Please help.
adarkcloud Posted August 4, 2004 Posted August 4, 2004 Im 16 and I'm with a 24 year old man. My sister was 17 when she met her 24 year old bf she has been with for 3 years. My mom was 19 when she married my 33 year old dad. (divorced 10 years later) It is a lot more socially excepted now then is has been in the past. If he doesn't think it is going to work out, If he is having doubts, maybe you should take that into account. If you two are totally head over heals for eachother, talk about it, If your parents know, is family knows, and everyone see's how much you two care about eachother, there should be no reason why it wouldnt work like a normal relationship. just my .02.
honey2005 Posted August 4, 2004 Posted August 4, 2004 If you really love him it shouldn't matter if it's socially acceptable or not.
wildturkey Posted August 4, 2004 Posted August 4, 2004 It is ok. Is he in love with you? Should not bother him.
Author shortymd11 Posted August 5, 2004 Author Posted August 5, 2004 Well we talked about whether he loved me or not last night and he cares a lot about me and he says if he was my age he would probably love me and that he loves the way i treat him and loves my heart but my age bothers him because he doesnt think that i've had enough experience. I told him that he is the best i've found but he doesn't know if i've look for the best long enough
adarkcloud Posted August 5, 2004 Posted August 5, 2004 he doesn't sound very sure of the relation ship. My boyfriend and I talked about this last night also (odd huh) haha, and he didn't say that really, he just said that because I am younger, and have never "been in love" and thats the direction we are heading in, he pretty much just said this could be my 1st real love, and that it'll be an interesting road ahead lol. He isn't going to kick me to the curb in fear that Im going to grow up and realize there is much more out there, because I already know there is much more out there, but I want him. If he sounds so unsure about it, becareful, You might end up getting hurt
Author shortymd11 Posted August 5, 2004 Author Posted August 5, 2004 he wants me to see whats out there and i also know there might be better things out there but i also just want him but his uncle married a younger girl and shleft him so i think hes scared
wildturkey Posted August 5, 2004 Posted August 5, 2004 If your relationship is not heading in the direction you want and its course will not change move on. Start desengaging and prepare yourself to start over with someone else. Time is on your side.
myownme Posted August 5, 2004 Posted August 5, 2004 I dated a man that was 49 when I was 24 and we dated for 2 years. I know that sounds completely off the wall, he was (and still is) double my age! He had to move away due to work and I wasnt able to go with him :-( but to this day we would still be together. We were planning on getting married, for the love, his kids were my age! LOL It is completely acceptable these days. The people that took the time to get to know us as a couple remained our friends and thought we were the "perfect" couple despite our age differece.
Leikela Posted August 5, 2004 Posted August 5, 2004 I briefly dated a guy 13 years my senior when I was 26 (I'm 28 now) and it's definitely "acceptable" in this day and age but that shouldn't be your #1 concern. It didn't work for me because we really had nothing in common. We played on the same softball team, but he had 3 little kids and the age gap showed a lot. That was me at 26 and I cannot fathom what you have in common with a man who's 33 when you're only 18? You seriously have your whole growing up stage to go through still. He's already done that. At 18 you should be going out with your friends, partying, and seeing what's out there and seeing what's right for you. At 18 we all feel like we know what we want, but that will change when you hit your early 20's. Are you going to go to college? If so, that will change you a lot as well and opens up doors to many different experiences. I'm not trying to tell you what to do but merely giving some life experience advice. Your boyfriend is right to have concerns. You both are in different stages of life and you're just about to go through the young adult/growing up stage. You won't be the same person at 24.
Pocky Posted August 5, 2004 Posted August 5, 2004 I dated a man 25 years older than me and the age difference bothered me a lot. I would get stares all the time in public since when I was 25 I really looked about 18. I couldn't handle the attention our age difference caused and I often found myself worrying about what would happen as he aged and I would have to take care of him when I would still be in my prime. It was just too much for me and I ended the relationship.
morrigan Posted August 5, 2004 Posted August 5, 2004 Do you have a lot in common? Do you both agree on general lifestyles and priorities? Are both of your families fine with this relationship, or is there some dissention? It's acceptable for anyone at the age of eighteen to date whom they want. But even if your bf was 18 like you, I'd still tell you to have fun but take your time--things change, and your interests and needs out of life may differ from your bf's in only a couple of years. Eighteen is pretty young, a lot of people your age are still thinking about where they want to head with their lives--education, job, relationships. Thirty-three isn't elderly, but generally speaking, a lot of people at that age have already made decisions in careers, marriage/kids and their basic living situation. If the relationship is really going to work long term, you'd probably have to be a pretty independent, mature, confident 18 (not me at that age!) or he's going to be a fully single, rather undecisive 33. In any case, there may be problems if either one of you becomes that uncomfortable with what other people think socially about your age difference. It's just my opinion, but I do wish you good luck.
HoldOn Posted August 5, 2004 Posted August 5, 2004 Yes, it's acceptable, but I wouldn't recommend it. As a young person, you really don't know how much you are going to mature. There is a lot to think about. Even as you get older the age difference is still huge. When you are 60, he's going to be 75...still a huge difference. His sexual desires will never match yours. You might end up changing his diaper. How much can you really have in common? I dated a man 8 years older, and believe me, it does make a difference! PLus the fact that HE is not sure about you. That is more important than the age difference! He doesn't sound like he's into you and he doesn't sound like he is really willing to continue this relationship.
Author shortymd11 Posted August 5, 2004 Author Posted August 5, 2004 At least for me when we are together it doesn't really feel like there is an age but i do look younger than I am and he is scared that if I'm there all the time that ppl that come over will be like "who's that kid?" i dunno he makes me happy and he says hes happy bein with me but hes still not to comfortable with what people think. he thinks that i will affect how he does at work. and he is also worried that if i'm with him and something happens to him that financially i can't take care of us and he's totally right he makes way more than me but in every other way i can take care of him.
HoldOn Posted August 5, 2004 Posted August 5, 2004 Originally posted by shortymd11 but in every other way i can take care of him. I bet you can! LOL. Just kidding. He obviously has a lot of worries about this. I am 27, if one of my guy friends started dating an 18-year-old, I would think it is disgusting. No offense, but that is what many people will think. His family especially will be a little grossed out. Your bf is not willing to put up with the age difference and that is all that matters. So accept his decision and find someone closer to your age. Don't worry, it'll all work out!
Author shortymd11 Posted August 5, 2004 Author Posted August 5, 2004 i met his parents when they came up from LA and they are wonderful ppl and me and his mom got along great but she is worried about me and thinks that i'm not ready to put up with some of the problems he has
HoldOn Posted August 5, 2004 Posted August 5, 2004 That's a HUGE red flag. What issues does he have?? Please try not to be blinded by love (Like I have been in the past). Think hard about your situation and whether you could handle him forever. Regardless, he is telling you that he wants to break up. What else does he have to say?
Author shortymd11 Posted August 5, 2004 Author Posted August 5, 2004 hes an alchohalic and he knows it and it doesnt bother me really cuz he doesnt ever get drunk he just likes to drink hes quit but he likes it to much and also he chews wich makes it so we cant kiss sometimes and he suffers from depression just like me
HoldOn Posted August 5, 2004 Posted August 5, 2004 Originally posted by shortymd11 hes an alchohalic and he knows it and it doesnt bother me really cuz he doesnt ever get drunk he just likes to drink hes quit but he likes it to much and also he chews wich makes it so we cant kiss sometimes and he suffers from depression just like me Sounds like a great catch! Mmmmmm, tobaccy.... What does YOUR mother think?
Author shortymd11 Posted August 6, 2004 Author Posted August 6, 2004 my mom actually likes him quite a bit!
Mr Spock Posted August 6, 2004 Posted August 6, 2004 Originally posted by shortymd11 At least for me when we are together it doesn't really feel like there is an age but i do look younger than I am and he is scared that if I'm there all the time that ppl that come over will be like "who's that kid?" i dunno he makes me happy and he says hes happy bein with me but hes still not to comfortable with what people think. he thinks that i will affect how he does at work. and he is also worried that if i'm with him and something happens to him that financially i can't take care of us and he's totally right he makes way more than me but in every other way i can take care of him. 15 years isn't a big age difference really, but the fact that you're 18 speaks volumes about the amount of concern he has-he's right. What you are experiencing now is going to change dramatically over the next 5 years as you start to find yourself and your place in the world. Just take it easy for now-relax. Date him-don't marry him, don't tie yourself to him in any way. Why do I know this? Because I've had almost the EXACT SAME RELATIONSHIP. Insert smoking for chew.
Author shortymd11 Posted August 6, 2004 Author Posted August 6, 2004 what happened to your relationship? and yes i know i will change dramatically he has pounded that into my head
Samson Posted August 6, 2004 Posted August 6, 2004 we have been with each other since March. He doesn't think it is socially acceptable! Shorty, I'm sorry, but doesn't it seem just a tad odd that all the sudden after 5 months he thinks about what is socially acceptable? Sounds like he's getting ready to move on and needs a lame excuse, BUT if not, I'll simply answer your question: 15 year age differences between consenting adults is ridiculously acceptable compared to all the bi sexual, bi racial, bi lingual, transvestite, pig loving, old lady fetish people covering themselves in green jello before taking whiplashes across the gentinals of the spread turkey legs after I, Samson haf told them more than twice that if Maltilda has one more gushing fit of extascy in the presence of dick-lay and cheese wiz then I, Samson will have no choice but to continue the forward thrust into my velvet lined camera case.
Mr Spock Posted August 6, 2004 Posted August 6, 2004 15 year age differences between consenting adults is ridiculously acceptable compared to all the bi sexual, bi racial, bi lingual, transvestite, pig loving, old lady fetish people covering themselves in green jello before taking whiplashes across the gentinals of the spread turkey legs after I, Samson haf told them more than twice that if Maltilda has one more gushing fit of extascy in the presence of dick-lay and cheese wiz then I, Samson will have no choice but to continue the forward thrust into my velvet lined camera case. I would LOVE for you to clarify that...I'm just scratching my head and going wha? what happened to your relationship? and yes i know i will change dramatically he has pounded that into my head It ended when I realized that I didn't WANT to deal with those problems anymore, that I was young and should be having fun not tied down with a guy 15 years older than me who was rapidly giving himself lung cancer.
Samson Posted August 6, 2004 Posted August 6, 2004 I would LOVE for you to clarify that...I'm just scratching my head and going wha? Hey, whats to "clarify?"...........................ARE YOU SAYING I'M DOING SOMETHIG SOCIALLY UNACCEPTABLE WITH JELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Recommended Posts