jwhite Posted November 11, 2012 Posted November 11, 2012 What constitutes a breach of NC? It's been 2 weeks and I have been doing ok, I guess, not contacting her by phone txt or email. I have blocked her on FB so I dont see her page to see anything I dont want to. But, is checking people close to her constitute a breach of NC? I have seen no recent updates. I try to believe that NC should be for me and not to get her back. But I cant help feeling that I am 50% for me and 50% to get her back. This is very hard.
Sasu Posted November 11, 2012 Posted November 11, 2012 NC is pretty much as you said.I am on NC and i still stalk my ex profile who dumped me ,everyday lol ,why ? Coz the breakup made me stronger.I have hope as I know the girl still loves me & I have to check in to make sure shes okay .. Just don't initiate contact and try not to look the status and stuff if you can't handle,If she reaches out someday,handle the call carefully..
spaniard Posted November 11, 2012 Posted November 11, 2012 (edited) Well, I thought I was in NC for weeks when I realized that stalking my ex is a form of contact. For me no contact means that I ensure that absolutely zero amount of information about my ex girlfriend can reach me. This means: no texts, no e-mails, no phone calls, no stalking on FB/Twitter/whatever, no stalking on mutual friends, avoiding place where she can show up. No questioning people around how my ex doing. Immediately stopping people when they start talking about my ex. This is NC in my pont of view. Edited November 11, 2012 by spaniard
suladas Posted November 11, 2012 Posted November 11, 2012 I don't think it matters if it's NC or LC really, as long as you are moving on and not contacting them. Technically i've only been LC since my BU since I still see her all the time just don't talk, but it doesn't matter in the end. But I will say being LC has made it tougher to move on.
Author jwhite Posted November 11, 2012 Author Posted November 11, 2012 I think more input from others would be helpful. I still do not fully understand. I dont know what I am looking for when I am on there, I dont want to see anything that would hurt me by an means, but it is a relief not to see anything at all at the same time
Exit Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 I dont want to see anything that would hurt me by an means, but it is a relief not to see anything at all at the same time You just described why it is an unhealthy addiction in the first place. Every time you peek and DON'T see something bad, it makes you feel good. It makes you keep hoping something will change. Basically it works against everything NC is supposed to accomplish. Every time you choose to snoop and get that little rush of adrenaline and don't see anything painful, it might feel good, but it's working against NC. And trust me, you are playing with a loaded gun, and the day will come when you do finally see something you don't want to see. And it feels horrible. If you truly want to heal, there is no reason to keep doing what you are doing. I can't imagine anyone coming into this discussion and saying that it is a good idea, or a healthy part of NC. You don't have the person you love anymore, but rather than moving on you've just substituted this dangerous game you can play with yourself. Every time you look and don't see anything bad some part of your brain probably says "hmm, maybe she still loves me". It's not good. I think NC goes beyond its literal definition of "not initiating contact with the person who broke up with you". It should also include not staying in touch with extended family or friends, or even looking at online profiles from people close to your ex. 1
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