Was feeling great these past couple of weeks, but this weekend got me.

[shadow15]

This was the first weekend in which i didn't have to work and do pretty much anything except study, literally off friday, worked saturday morning, and now i have to work this evening, but mostly i was free friday and saturday evening for whatever and then church on sunday morning. When i was with my ex, we used to always hang on the weekends, and i suppose this weekend just got to me. I even tried to find somebody to go out with, but that didn't go as planned, so instead i just went out looking for people to talk to and even met up with some people for a little bit which was good and refreshing, but still not the same you know.

 

I even got more depressed when i seen christmas stuff out in stores because i had a family member pass way last christmas, which made things a little worse. Plus to top it all off, i started thinking about the ex, so i checked her twitter and what do you know i see a tweet that says, "my grandma just told me i was going be lonely at thanksgiving dinner #teamsingle" I don't follow her anymore due to i don't wanna see whats going on with her life, this was the first time i broke nc in like two to three weeks.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is why is it at times i feel great, i suppose its cause I'm busy, but when I'm doing nothing i feel like a complete fool and i just want my ex/ex best friend to just talk to me and hold me during this time.

 

Right now i just wanna txt her, the last time we spoke she sent me a txt just saying hey, i replied a few days later saying yea? She then said i sent that like 2 days ago and i said yea i know and. She said to me to stop it and just forget it. I replied and asked her what she wanted, and the next thing she said was that she was just trying to be friendly, sorry ill stop. I just replied and said hi and that was the last time we talked about 2-3 weeks ago. By the way she was the one that broke up with me the day after our 2 year anniversary, because she said she didn't love me anymore and didn't wanna lead me on. Right now I'm not really missing her, just missing someone to comfort me and to just do stuff with.

[shadow15]

Just bumping this topic to see if anyone has any advice. I'm feeling better now that's its a new week, guess this weekend just got the best of me. Is this normal to feel awesome and then go back to feeling like crud?

 

Also I been thinking about the tweet she made, it kinda made me laugh cause I know her grandma likes me, hell her whole family liked me, it just makes me wonder what and all is being said about me. However I also get mad cause I can't tell if she's gloating about being single or is she feeling something else. I know I shouldn't be thinking that way and i know its prolly that she is gloating, but I guess I still love her, and I'm trying my hardest to get over that. I also have had 2 dreams about her recently to top it all off. I'm a mess lately lol.

[theLWord]

I don't know what's normal but I've been feeling similar lately. I wouldn't break nc though, it will set you back and make you feel worse.

[brokenbells]

My best advice is to stay very busy. I can't sit here and say I am doing great but I agree being busy helps.

 

It sounds to me like she might be missing you if she texts you, even if she says to be friendly. If you were not on her mind she would not find the need to text you.

[shadow15]

thanks guys, and yea your right staying busy is going be my best friend. I actually txted her today, i don't know why i did, just wanted to see her name pop up my phone, but anyways heres the conversation.

 

me: hey

her:hey

me:whats up?

her: memorizing meds.

me: hows that going for you?

her: stressful

me: id say soo, but you can do it, u got this far u will make it.

her: I'm really scarred i won't.

me:whys that?

her: its just a lot of material.

me: ahh you had worse, and you got through that, this is no different. your smart, you wouldn't be in the position your in if you couldn't do it.

her: well thank you, i appreciate it.

me: no biggy.

 

That was the end of the conversation, nothing big, nothing fancy, but i felt the tension with her words, but still it was nice to just chat even if it was just a little bit. I will add this, after i sent the first hey, she tweeted, "you can ignore it, but that won't make it go away"

 

Now i know that could be took either way, by like i wish he would just stop, or maybe she still cares, who knows i can't tell. I don't know why letting go is killing me for, guess deep down i still love her, and deep down i still think she loves me, just that she doesn't know it with everything going on in her life. And sorry to blow up these forums, i don't like aggravating my one true best friend about this stuff all the time, so thats why i come here and to see how others could relate. Luckily i haven't been the psycho ex who won't stop trying to get a hold of her, this is actually the first time we had an actual little conversation since the break up which was a little 2 months ago. I also know that getting back together wouldn't solve anything, it would probably hurt more than anything, this time needs to be us growing individually as people and if we come back to each other thats great, if not well hell that sucks.

Edited November 13, 2012 by shadow15