adarkcloud Posted August 4, 2004 Posted August 4, 2004 Ok, so I'm 16, I've been sexually active for about a year now, and I'm dating a 24 year old who has a 6 year old kid. Well as if that wasn't weird enough, My sister has a bf 7 years older then her, and my mom married my dad when she was 19 and he was 14 years older then her!!! so it kinda runs in the family i figure? Thats not my problem though. He is 24, apparently has had a lot more sex than I have, and has more experience. I really want to know he is happy and that I'm pleasing him. I've never given oral sex before, I kind of want to because I would like to please him, but im embarressed I might not be very good, and I have a ton of questions about that. I am also not very loud in bed, and he wants me to scream out his name and stuff, Im embarressed to do such things, but i shouldn't be if thats what would make him happy. He thinks that because Im not loud in bed that he isn't pleasing me. I tell him over and over that he is. Im very shy in bed, and Im growing more comfortable every time we have sex it seems like, but Im still really shy about changing positions and trying new things. I just want to make him happy, apparently he likes me if he is willing to stay with me even though i SUCK at sex right now. Do any of you have any advice on how to become more comfortable, things i might want to try. Anything help would be appreciated. Thank you
honey2005 Posted August 4, 2004 Posted August 4, 2004 If you're having sex with him just because you want to make him happy and keep him around, you really should stop. Just because he is sticking around and continuing to have sex with you even though you're quiet and not experienced doesn't mean he really likes you. It means he's horny and you're there to have sex with. Sorry if I sound harsh, but what he's doing is illegal. He should be having sex with people his own age. I understand you think that it runs in the family, but you can get with an older guy after you become an adult, not while you're still a child. (I'm a child, too, so don't take it personally.) What if he gets you pregnant? Do you really think you're ready to be a mother? If not, why are you committing yourself to a man who has a 6 year old kid? If you don't feel comfortable doing something, don't do. You don't have to give him oral if you don't want, and you don't have to scream in bed. Im embarressed to do such things, but i shouldn't be if thats what would make him happy It sounds like you're just having sex with him to make him happy. You shouldn't be doing that. You should be out having fun with people your own age, not doing things that embarass you to please someone almost 10 years older than you.
Author adarkcloud Posted August 4, 2004 Author Posted August 4, 2004 I can see how it looks that way, and don't get me wrong I'm having sex to make him happy and it makes me happy, but I'm not just doing it to keep him around. He always tells me "if I don't want to do something with him, don't" I know its illegal, His whole family knows we are together, my whole family knows we're together, its like any other relationship except for there are laws against it. As long as we're not having sex in public nothing will happen though because my mom wont press charges, nor will his family. I'm on birth control so its very unlikely for me to get pregnant, Im very open with my mom, she knows im sexually active, and she knows im responsible about who I sleep with. Me and chris (my bf) were best friends for at least 6 months before we were every anything more. I was there for him when he would have girl problems, he was there for me when i would have boy problems and family problems. He has always been there for me. His 6 year old kid I don't even think is really his but he took responsibility for the kid with out a doubt because thats the type of man he is. His kid makes him who he is today, and I am with him because I love who he is, and with that, I have to accept the fact he has a son. See I want to make him happy, not to keep him around, because I know he'll stay around whether I give him oral or am louder in bed, or not. But the fact that I know he wants those things, I think it would be a good idea to try them, right? The only reason I don't want to give oral is because Im affraid i won't be as good as maybe some he has gotten before, I really would like to try things to make him happy, just a little shy.
honey2005 Posted August 4, 2004 Posted August 4, 2004 If he really loves you it won't matter if you're not as good as the girl's he's been with before because he won't compare you to them. I advise using a condom as well as birth control. For one, birth control is only about 98% effective ( as is the condom) and birth control can not protect against STD's.
Author adarkcloud Posted August 4, 2004 Author Posted August 4, 2004 not too worried about stds, we got tested together, and we're both clean. If he went out and cheated and picked something up, that would be a different story but I'm not worried about him cheating on me. He said when I am comfortable enough to give oral, It will be great because he knows its something I havn't done for anyone except for him. Kind of like another step in the realationship I see it as. It will show im more comfortable with him, want to make him as happy as I can, and stuff like that. If you could see it from my point of view, It wouldn't just look like Im trying to do stuff sexually to keep him around, because thats not it at all. But like while I'm on my period and stuff, I feel bad because he has to go a week with just his hand and some lotion because I can't really do much to help him out. Oh which brings up another question. Sex in the shower during your period, good or bad idea?
honey2005 Posted August 4, 2004 Posted August 4, 2004 Well it depends on how you feel. If you're having major cramps, you may not feel up to it (but some people say sex relieves cramps, but I haven't tried it). Some people have sex outside of the shower, like over a towel when they're on their period. If you don't feel comfortable doing it, or he doesn't feel comfortable, don't do it. He said to wait and do oral when you're comfortable, so I really doubt he would want you to force yourself into doing it. Just wait till you're really read, then take that step. But I stress to you that birth control is not 100% effective...
Author adarkcloud Posted August 4, 2004 Author Posted August 4, 2004 I know birth controll isn't 100 percent effective. he also "pulls out" which also isn't 100 percent.. and precum is just as bad as cum I know all this, It is a risk I'm willing to take??? I would love to have sex with him, whether Im on my period or not, I just don't know how he feels about that.
honey2005 Posted August 4, 2004 Posted August 4, 2004 Well ask him how he would feel about. If you're both up for doing it, go for it.
faux Posted August 5, 2004 Posted August 5, 2004 You are sixteen, and he is twenty four? I hope you realize that he is breaking the law by being involved with you. Any form of sexual contact between the two of you, which could even include kissing, would be a felony charge. If he is found out, he may have to register as a sex offender. A man that age has absolutely no business fraternizing with a girl your age. I find it disgusting and it freaks me out. There is nothing that a twenty four year old man could have in common with you to form the basis for a solid relationship. Besides that, it is completely illegal. Seeing as you are not as of yet eighteen years old, and cannot consent, the law is written in such a way that your situation translates to the following: Every time you do anything sexual with this man, he is raping you. If you are eighteen or older, any person under the age of eighteen is off limits. I know quite a few people who believed otherwise from various places in the USA, and all of them have done some sort of jail time. Edit: Ah. You do know it is illegal. Forgive me for saying, but your family and his family are {wrong} for not calling the cops on his sick mind. If any person finds out at all, word could slip and this guy could end up in serious trouble. Why in the world would you want to remain in a relationship knowing it is illegal? Finding someone of your age would be much better, no?
UCFKevin Posted August 5, 2004 Posted August 5, 2004 That is F*CKED up. This will more than likely offend you but your boyfriend has problems. He's almost a DECADE older than you, probably graduated from college, and you can't even get into R rated movies.
Author adarkcloud Posted August 5, 2004 Author Posted August 5, 2004 everyone is entitled to there own opinion. His family accepts me, and my family is accepting of him. Thats all that matters to me. So back on subject now, does anyone have any advice about how to become more comfortable with your partner in bed?
shortymd11 Posted August 6, 2004 Posted August 6, 2004 honestly you just need to get into it. once you're into it you'll do anything and not even think about what he thinks or anybody thinks.
UCFKevin Posted August 6, 2004 Posted August 6, 2004 I can't focus on that subject knowing that your parents and his are okay with this insanity. You know what would happen if the cops somehow found out, right? It doesn't bother you that this almost GROWN MAN is seeing a girl who JUST earned the right to drive? That he can't get a woman his own age and has to go waaaaaaaaay younger?
moimeme Posted August 6, 2004 Posted August 6, 2004 Well, I don't know for sure about this, but isn't telling someone who's going to commit a criminal act how to commit a criminal act a felony in itself?
EC Posted August 6, 2004 Posted August 6, 2004 I agree that she should not be with so much of an older man and that this older man had issues but she'll probably get bored of him in the future anyways..but.. She's not asking tell me if what I'm doing is right she's asking how do you feel more comfortable in bed? Well.. I found for me that experimenting with myself alone I figured out what I liked and what I didn't like and was able to be more confident in bed. If your embarrassed about screaming then don't do it. Your not a porn star your his gf. Only do it if it comes out and you want to scream. The only way to become more comfortable is to practice, practice, practice. lol Practice makes perfect and the more you do it the more confident you will become in bed. (I still think it's creepy..ur too young...)
scotter Posted August 6, 2004 Posted August 6, 2004 WOW I read this and all I can think is JERRY, JERRY, JERRY. Ok but really. This is how I see it. Someone 24 has no business being with a 16 year old. Really what does someone that old have in common with a 16 year old? Must like going to the mall or going to High School dances? To me it sounds like he's a control freak. That he can be with someone younger less expierence and munipulate their mind. Honestly does he make you feel guilty if you hang out with your friends? Or have you stopped doing that. Or does he like driving you and your friends around? I don't know. I had a buddy who was 22 with a girl he thought was 18(that's what she told everyone) turns out she was 15. The only reason he found out how old she is was when a few county sheriffs came knocking on his door arresting him on rape charges filed my her parents when they found out how old she was. Turns out she was telling her parents he was 17. She was sneaking out at night yada yada. So my buddy spent 6 months in jail, had to register as a sex offender. Had a really nice job before all this. Of course he lost it. And now he can't find a job. Nobody wants to hire him when the background check comes through. I know relationships like this happen. And the risk isn't worth it. If he really loves you and you really love him. I bet you two could probably relax for two years. GOOD LUCK
Author adarkcloud Posted August 6, 2004 Author Posted August 6, 2004 to each there own *shrugs* I turn 17 year 2 months, No he doesn't drive me and my friends around, I have my own car why would I need him for that?. He lets me hang out with my friends, and I let him hang out with his friends, Ill let him go to the bars every once in a while, and he'll call me every half and hour or so when he does so so I don't worry. The only way he is going to get in trouble for being with me, is if my mom wanted to press charges, which she doesn't, or if his family wanted to press charges, which they don't, or if we were having sex or something in public and an officer asked for my id. Pretty much my his friends are my friends my friends are his friends, he'll hang out with my guy friends sometimes and I'll hang out with his friends that are girls sometimes. I hang out with his family when he's out of town, we're really close. age doesn't bother me and him any more (it did at 1st don't get me wrong). But besides that I find that every time we have sex i grow a little bit more comfortable with him, but he thinks that he isn't pleasing me.
Mr Spock Posted August 6, 2004 Posted August 6, 2004 Originally posted by UCFKevin I can't focus on that subject knowing that your parents and his are okay with this insanity. You know what would happen if the cops somehow found out, right? It doesn't bother you that this almost GROWN MAN is seeing a girl who JUST earned the right to drive? That he can't get a woman his own age and has to go waaaaaaaaay younger? 24 years old is hardly a grown man. I'd like to point that out.
Author adarkcloud Posted August 6, 2004 Author Posted August 6, 2004 girls and guys mature at differnt ages in there lives, guys later then girls. I grew up real quick when I was 12 and my dad killed himself, and I could go into the whole story of my responisbilities that I have now, but my point is, I could never see myself dating anyone my age, or anyone even 18 or 19. All my guy friends are in there 20's and all my x bf's have been in there 20's. Thats just the age group I can communicate with and that I can understand and they can understand me. I can understand how you guys can look at it and think WTF is he thinking, because if I was 24, there is no way in hell I would date a 16 year old. But me and him have everything in common, and I don't think I can find any other guy that makes me as happy as he does.
Gemini02 Posted August 7, 2004 Posted August 7, 2004 A man that age has absolutely no business fraternizing with a girl your age. I find it disgusting and it freaks me out. Well said- exactly what I was thinking. This is spell trouble, and it gives me a bad feeling. But it's your life, and if you're gonna be in a "mature" relationship, you have to make your own decisions, and live with the consequences. I just thought when you were 16 you were supposed to be out having fun- not worrying about giving oral sex to a 24 year old man. *shrugs*
Kat Posted August 7, 2004 Posted August 7, 2004 Originally posted by Candy3s everyone is entitled to there own opinion. His family accepts me, and my family is accepting of him. Thats all that matters to me. So back on subject now, does anyone have any advice about how to become more comfortable with your partner in bed? Funny I didn't think opinions counted when it came to laws.
Gemini02 Posted August 7, 2004 Posted August 7, 2004 So back on subject now, does anyone have any advice about how to become more comfortable with your partner in bed? If you aren't comfortable in bed with someone you supposedly "love" so much, then you shouldn't be in bed with him in the first place.
honey2005 Posted August 7, 2004 Posted August 7, 2004 If you aren't comfortable in bed with someone you supposedly "love" so much, then you shouldn't be in bed with him in the first place. I agree. Maybe if you wait until you're older to sleep with him you will be more comfortable doing things with him in bed.
Ashbell Posted December 1, 2005 Posted December 1, 2005 I know just how you feel i feel the same way but i really shouldnt ive been friends with my boyfrienf for 2 years and he's almost 7 years older than me. so of crouse hes had alot more sexual exspeirnce than me and it makes SO uncomfortable making the first move or doing things im really not used to doing i know that can i just cant seem to "push" myself to do it. you should just tell him how you feel but dont let him think he has control over you when it comes to that. if he really cares he'll listen to you and try to understand where your coming from and why you feel that way. now if i could only take my own advice!
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