Charlie Brown Posted August 4, 2004 Posted August 4, 2004 Where do I start? Oh yeah, here I am, a nice generous, warm loving guy who just likes the simple things. However, I have a friend that of recently I've realized I'm falling head over heels for. Shes great, we share the same interests and we seem to think alot alike. She even seems quite comfortable around me as we got cozy the other day watching movies in my bedroom. Heres the bad news: shes very pretty, sweet, and has sooooo many guys already making a play for her and vying for her attention. One in particular is this guy who often goes out with us on group outings, he seems like he's being nice but a bit over-nice (buying her tickets to movies, food, etc.)I'm trying to play it cool, but it gets to the point where he seems to be making more progress or maybe its all in my head I've been assured that they also are 'just friends'. You see I'm just now starting to have these feelings for this girl and I'm trying to fight them but on the other hand why should I save my feelings just for someone else to get right in the way? I'm confused people, this has happened more than once in my life and just once I'd like to have my chance to shine and walk off with the girl. Is it wrong to feel alittle selfish here?
StartingAgain Posted August 4, 2004 Posted August 4, 2004 "I'm trying to play it cool" Why would you do that? You have to show her that you are a better choice than these other guys. I can assure you they aren't playing it cool. You are already friends, and friends are honest with one another. So why don't you just tell her how you are feeling instead of trying to be Mr. Cool? Women see Mr. Cool everywhere they look. YAWN! If everyone else is toing this, you have to do something different. You may tell her how you are feeling and she won't feel the same way. That's the way it is. But if you don't screw around with trying to work her like the other guys are, you will at least remain friends. And you never know, she may feel the same way about you and this is what's really making her uncomfortable.
honey2005 Posted August 4, 2004 Posted August 4, 2004 If you sit around and "play cool" someone else is going to step in and take her. Like StartingAgain said, just tell her how you feel. The worst she can do is say she doesn't feel the same, and then, it probably wasn't meant to be anyway. You have to go for what you want.
Author Charlie Brown Posted August 4, 2004 Author Posted August 4, 2004 Sounds fair enough. I used to be so much in control of my feelings when it came to situations like this. Whenever I did act upon them I always got hurt or was the one who ended up alone. I hope you all can understand with the track record I have, I just feel like I'd be setting myself up for a letdown.
honey2005 Posted August 4, 2004 Posted August 4, 2004 I understand, but to get what you want you have to take risks.
Author Charlie Brown Posted August 4, 2004 Author Posted August 4, 2004 ...I think I'll try the plan set here, but I try reluctantly. I honestly believe she's worth the risk. I just dont want to blow what we have because I appreciate it so much.
anyone Posted August 5, 2004 Posted August 5, 2004 If you like her go for it! Tell her no in words but by your actions and no I do not mean sexual. The little things matter the most. Do something sweet. Do something out of the ordinary one tp be noticed for. I am sure you guys must have moments so take advantage of it. You should knbow a few things abvout her so use your brain!!! Buy her favorite kinda gum/ candy anything that you know she likes-------for when she come over---then tell hner hey yeah i saw these at the store and thought of you!!! super sweet Remember her favorite movie----again let her know you are thinking of her. Girls love it when they know you are thinking about them...its makes us feel really good. REMEMBER THE LITTLE THINGS MATTER. As for you feeling selfish stop it get out there in the game!
Nemmy Posted August 5, 2004 Posted August 5, 2004 What you have right now is an imbalance. You have feelings for her, she thinks you're just friends. You really have two choices the way I see it: get over her or reveal your feelings to her and throw caution to the wind. Obviously both have ups and downs. It's a risk of course to reveal your feelings, but also honest to her and to your friendship with her. If you decide to try getting over her, then you have to learn to accept the fact that eventually she'll end up with someone else, maybe even this other guy. (bet that one hurt a bit eh?) Mr. Cool is what you be when you're dating someone new you have romantic interest in. Not with an established friend. You're not doing yourself any favors, you're just procrastinating. There's a good chance if she rejects your affection that she will still remain friends after you take some time to get over her. If she's so pretty and sweet and popular, you'll kick yourself forever if you don't at least give it a shot I think.
Author Charlie Brown Posted August 5, 2004 Author Posted August 5, 2004 Not a bad idea. I guess I really have to bite the bullett with this one huh? It all looks so easy on paper...or computer screen. I used to have a good hold on my emotions for a long time til this came up. I guess I honestly REALLY like her.
Author Charlie Brown Posted August 9, 2004 Author Posted August 9, 2004 I totally tried what "anyone" suggested the other day and it worked! I bought her some candy, got a hug too. I was totally ready to lay it all on the line when I completely froze. Anyone got a cure for cold feet? I used to be so good at these type of situations, I seriously dont understand whats wrong with me now. At one point last week I found myself starting to get sick thinking about this situation too much.
Author Charlie Brown Posted August 11, 2004 Author Posted August 11, 2004 I really think I'm gonna need a bit of help here folks. I'm not feeling well. I honestly wouldnt be here if I didnt need the help. Any suggestions would be appreciated at this point, please.
jmargel Posted August 11, 2004 Posted August 11, 2004 Dude.. you are way over thinking this. Have you been on a 'date' with her between just you two? Try that. When you go out with her and you start feeling anxious, just think to yourself she is just a friend. That'll calm you down some. Or, ask her to go for a walk with you, while walking hold her hand, or even watching a movie. She'll then make the next move in either a smile or grabbing your hand tighter, etc.. If you worry and think bad all the time, then you will force it to come true. Take a step back, take a deep breath and truly realize you have nothing to lose. You'll always be her friend if she doesn't show the feelings back.
Author Charlie Brown Posted August 11, 2004 Author Posted August 11, 2004 Yeah, I need to relax. Sometimes I get a bit carried away. I havent heard from her in a few days, I was thinking about hanging out sometime this weekend. I just get kinda stuck when trying to ask her to hang out...y'know just the two of us and not two other hangers on.
Author Charlie Brown Posted August 16, 2004 Author Posted August 16, 2004 Well, heres the deal for those who are still hanging on out there. I called her last Thursday(after not hearing from her in a week) to see if it were possible to have plans during the weekend. She said she was pretty much busy running around with arrands and such and that she'd call back. Today is Monday and I havent heard from her. I'm not sure when or if I should call back at all because maybe shes got enough on her plate to even be bothered or maybe its just me shes avoiding. I could use some support and opinions here. I'm not driving myself crazy or anything but this situation is a bit nutty and these things always seem to happen to me. I get close(not smothering because she does have her 'space') to certain people then they suddenly disappear or go away without any warning and I end up all "David Banner-like" with that sad piano music in the backround. What gives?
Author Charlie Brown Posted August 17, 2004 Author Posted August 17, 2004 Anybody out there? I know this situation seems a bit tedious but I could use some light shed on the situation...I dont have very many people to speak with. *sigh*
jmargel Posted August 17, 2004 Posted August 17, 2004 Give it another day and then just give her a call to say hi. Does she have email? You can always email her. If she keeps blowing you off, then just tell her when she gets the time to give you a call. Some chicks can be this way, actually most are.. Hot & cold. Depends on the day of the week. Every guy has been in your shoes.
surfergirl Posted August 17, 2004 Posted August 17, 2004 Charlie Brown, my friend, you're in a jam. I wouldn't call her everyday, however, check in from time to time. Maybe she's one of those girls that you are going to have to "grow on". Who knows? I'm at work.....I think on it some more and get back to you....you're not out there by yourself
chicasha Posted August 18, 2004 Posted August 18, 2004 Trust me...you are not alone in this. I'm in almost the same situation. I'm in love w/ a guy who....probably ain't all that intrested in me..and is really bad at calling me back/emailing....whatever. Why am I in love with him..? good question. Maybe it isn't 'love'...but we had a very deep connection the times that we did spend together. Its just a shame that it isn't progressing more than this. I can't do much about it...I could wait...that's about it. What's really sad....is that I wasn't even looking for love....then he showed up in my life..we went on a few dates...every one was better than the previous one, and he pretty much was everything I've been looking for in a man...and trust me, i've been looking for a long time ;-) Soo..right now......i'm frustrated, sad, and just not sure why this guy had to show up in my life.....make me realize that he is exactly the type of guy one that I want.......then dissappear. Its kinda painful, and I wish the situation was different. I sooo so wish that. So...trust me...you are not alone. I know how it feels to be so in love with someone......yet not even be given a chance to show them how you feel. I don't want to scare him away....don't want him to think i'm desparate....because I'm not. I've waited a long time for the right man to show up in my ilfe before giving my heart away......and he finally has. Yet...maybe after all this..its not meant to be. And...that to me is so sad! sigh. But....what to do. I can wait....i can hope...and I can try to get out there..and just maybe if he's not meant to be with me (yikes!)..then someone unbelievable better than him will come along. I hope this helps you...I know its not much. But....at least there's hope, and I wish only the best for you!! Just wait it out....but please take care of yourself too. Go out...make some friends....u don't have to look for other girls to date...but make sure you look deep inside yourself...and learn something about yourself. Try to have some hobbies...just do things to make urself feel better. Maybe while your busy doing these things...she'll realize what she's missing out on!! Good Luck......!!
Author Charlie Brown Posted August 18, 2004 Author Posted August 18, 2004 You know, and I dont lie about these things, the fact that someone out there is listening to my problem and is willing to help or shed light on the situation brings genuine tears to my eyes. This is the way human beings are supposed to help and support each other. Thank you so much for giving me that extra push that some people in my life wouldnt and I value all your input. Somehow this situation will work out but I know I can't do it without alittle help from friends. Thanx in advance.
chris58 Posted August 18, 2004 Posted August 18, 2004 That is unbelievable Charlie Brown, my situation a couple of months ago was *exactly* like yours, literally down to every last word you say. The movies in the bedroom, the group outings, the other guys, everything. (Especially seeing the other guy buying her stuff, I know how you feel, it's so frustrating for some reason! It's not jealousy exactly, but I can't really describe it.) Anyway, I don't have any magic solutions sorry, I just told her straight out how I felt, and she said she doesn't feel the same way about me ... well, that's all folks. Yeah it's a terrible feeling in many ways, but I couldn't handle the stress any more. Have a look at my thread about it here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t44237/ I've still got the problem of the "going round in circles" feeling (see that link), so no, I can't say that everything's just fine and dandy now. It's not. But really, the rot started when I fell for her, not when I told her. If she's going to reject you, then unfortunately the trouble has already started; that happened when you fell for her. Telling her isn't going to get you out of it, but neither is not telling her, so to be honest you can't win. On the other hand, if she's not going to reject you, well, the right course of action is obvious. :-) I don't wish I had never told her. Whether I told her or not was an irrelevance as it turned out; I wasn't going to be happy either way. I just wish I had never fallen for her. So you might as well just tell her and be done with it. Don't get your hopes up though, just for your own sake.
savethedrama4allama Posted August 18, 2004 Posted August 18, 2004 Oh Charlie Brown. Unfortunately you cannot make her as interested in you as you are in her. From a woman's perspective, I would say be patient, and gently persistant if she means that much to you. Call every few days to say hello. Keep the conversation light and update her on what you've been up to, making it clear that you have a fulfilling life (most girls run from desperation) but show her that you want her to be part of that life by again inviting her to go out. (just be careful that you don't inadvertently make it sound like you have been dating other women if you haven't.) If she is still blowing you off in a couple of weeks, well I think you have your answer. People do get busy, but lets face it- we make time for someone we are really excited about. There are tons of girls out there looking for a guy like yourself. I know this may be hard to believe deep down, but it is true. Give her a chance, but don't waste too much time on a girl who doesn't appreciate you.
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