Physical contact - taking initiative for someone with a lack of social skills

[Typewriter]

Good Evening Fellow Loveshackers

 

I am a freshman in college and just managed to run into this girl who actually seems to enjoy my company, which is somewhat shocking to me since I've suffered from social anxiety for years.

 

Even though I am fairly certain that she is as interested in me as I am in her I haven't had the balls to make a serious move on her. We've gone on two "dates", I use quotation marks because even though it was fairly obvious that it was dates no physical contact took place even though both of us enjoyed ourselfs thoroughly .

 

I fear that I'll end up in the friendzone once again, and I don't feel like I am in a position to prevent it. I understand that the easiest way to avoid the friendzone is by initiating physical contact, great...but how should I start out if we are just having a regular conversation about something mundane?

 

Upon writing this I realize that I come of as very cold and analytical, I blame the fact that I am petrified of messing up and therefore am not comfortable with acting upon my instincts, heck I am not even sure I have instincts.

[ja123]

You have instincts. It's just the anxiety getting in the way.

 

I think you'll just have to jump in the deep end and come hell or high water - hold her hand!

 

That's a start.

 

You might want to take a look at the book, "Feeling Good", by David Burns.

 

Good luck! You can do it!

[21stCenturyMale]

Good Evening Fellow Loveshackers

 

I am a freshman in college and just managed to run into this girl who actually seems to enjoy my company, which is somewhat shocking to me since I've suffered from social anxiety for years.

 

Even though I am fairly certain that she is as interested in me as I am in her I haven't had the balls to make a serious move on her. We've gone on two "dates", I use quotation marks because even though it was fairly obvious that it was dates no physical contact took place even though both of us enjoyed ourselfs thoroughly .

 

I fear that I'll end up in the friendzone once again, and I don't feel like I am in a position to prevent it. I understand that the easiest way to avoid the friendzone is by initiating physical contact, great...but how should I start out if we are just having a regular conversation about something mundane?

 

Upon writing this I realize that I come of as very cold and analytical, I blame the fact that I am petrified of messing up and therefore am not comfortable with acting upon my instincts, heck I am not even sure I have instincts.

 

So you're saying that you've gone on two dates, and she's still interested in you but you haven't had any physical contact?

 

If even hand holding seems big, then take a stroll and occasionally bump arms/shoulders/hands. Then, as she has her hands down at her side next to yours, calmly grab hers. Not too tight, but not too loose either. Often hand holding can be a great way to see if she's open to physical contact.

 

Or, you can always go the big balls approach, which she will probably like better any way. KISS HER. To make it seem more spontaneous, pull her aside while you're walking with her and plant one on her(and not just a peck). She'll be taken by surprise, but that's a good thing. Women like that.

[GirlontheLam]

So you're saying that you've gone on two dates, and she's still interested in you but you haven't had any physical contact?

 

If even hand holding seems big, then take a stroll and occasionally bump arms/shoulders/hands. Then, as she has her hands down at her side next to yours, calmly grab hers. Not too tight, but not too loose either. Often hand holding can be a great way to see if she's open to physical contact.

 

Or, you can always go the big balls approach, which she will probably like better any way. KISS HER. To make it seem more spontaneous, pull her aside while you're walking with her and plant one on her(and not just a peck). She'll be taken by surprise, but that's a good thing. Women like that.

 

Start small with the physical contact and lead up to kissing her. Try to offer your arm when walking, touch her arm or shoulder when talking, the greeting or goodbye hug, guide her by placing your hand in the small of her back when going through a door way or entering a restaurant, and keep building up from there. Here reaction will let you know where you can go next.

[Typewriter]

I just came back from my third "date", and even though there was some physical contact (sitting close to each other, occasionally bumping into each other in a somewhat romantic way...if you can say that about bumping into someone ). She seemed as comfortable as ever and I would deem it to be a success, but progress is still painstakingly slow. Especially since she always keep her hands as far away from me as possible, and I am not quite up to stretching all over her and forcing my hand into her...

[scottlyn]

Especially since she always keep her hands as far away from me as possible, and I am not quite up to stretching all over her and forcing my hand into her...

 

Why don't you ask her if she'd mind if you held her hand...On your next date, as you walk her back to her dorm or whatever, make it a point to take the long way away around so that the walk is longer and just ask her. I had a boyfriend do this and it was the sweetest thing ever!

 

Good luck