SF_girl Posted November 11, 2012 Posted November 11, 2012 My ex and I were together for about 1.5 years then I moved for grad school and we tried long distances but only lasted about 5 months (we broke up in March). We had some trust issues that caused problems. This past summer I returned home for an internship. My ex contacted me in late July and told me that he gave up on us too soon and he would do things right and we would get engaged etc. I was skeptical but after seeing each other for a few weeks I was sold. We got in a huge argument and he said he just couldn't go back. I was devastated again. I kind of thought with all the serious things he said that we were just taking a longer path to working things out. I was dealing with it. Then, he texted me on my birthday and my mind started running again. I talked to him about trying again and in a very overdramatic encounter I sat on his lap and we both cried. I spoke to him about trying again and he said that he was "going back and forth" about it. After stringing me along for a couple weeks he finally said no, he needed to focus on his stuff right now and wasn't even thinking about being in a relationship. Then, I found out that he had been seeing a young, promiscuous girl casually through October. I feel absolutely devastated and sick. I asked him about it and he said it was nothing serious but I just don't know why he was still telling me he loved me etc. Any advice on how to cope with this? I feel stupid that I still care about him and have been having a really hard time about this the past couple weeks. I know I'm slightly pathetic right now so please don't be mean! I just am looking for some insight on how others have dealt with these situations.
The dot Posted November 11, 2012 Posted November 11, 2012 My ex and I were together for about 1.5 years then I moved for grad school and we tried long distances but only lasted about 5 months (we broke up in March). We had some trust issues that caused problems. This past summer I returned home for an internship. My ex contacted me in late July and told me that he gave up on us too soon and he would do things right and we would get engaged etc. I was skeptical but after seeing each other for a few weeks I was sold. We got in a huge argument and he said he just couldn't go back. I was devastated again. I kind of thought with all the serious things he said that we were just taking a longer path to working things out. I was dealing with it. Then, he texted me on my birthday and my mind started running again. I talked to him about trying again and in a very overdramatic encounter I sat on his lap and we both cried. I spoke to him about trying again and he said that he was "going back and forth" about it. After stringing me along for a couple weeks he finally said no, he needed to focus on his stuff right now and wasn't even thinking about being in a relationship. Then, I found out that he had been seeing a young, promiscuous girl casually through October. I feel absolutely devastated and sick. I asked him about it and he said it was nothing serious but I just don't know why he was still telling me he loved me etc. Any advice on how to cope with this? I feel stupid that I still care about him and have been having a really hard time about this the past couple weeks. I know I'm slightly pathetic right now so please don't be mean! I just am looking for some insight on how others have dealt with these situations. A good start would be cutting off all communication with him and moving on with your own life.
ilou Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 SF? I'm guessing your from the bay area. If so, I would suggest you to try going to a boxing gym. There are lots! Or even more interesting a jiu jitsu gym. The people are either nice or most are into hitting the bag and won't bother you. Both pluses IMO. I keep advocating going to a jiu jitsu school cause to me, it's f*cking great to get stress off your chest.
Twins Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 I agree with this previous poster. Cut all contact. I didn't do that and I could have been further along in the healing stage. Like because we kept seeing each other and talking that I enabled him to get stronger with her. Terrible. I've lost the fight. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to fight for him. I still love him but now it hurts just too much. I have to begin NC all over again. I suggest you do the same. Let go. So hard I know.
lakerman34 Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 Just leave them alone. Fall of the face of the earth. After I was dumped, I almost immediately contacted another ex. Mind you, I know she and I were terrible for each other, so thank goodness she didn't follow through. I'm in the same situation you are in. I dated the love of my life for 7 months, and 3 weeks later there's a new guy who is the polar opposite of me. I fell of the face of the earth, saw her today and I was smiling, she looked like a train wreck (kind of a 'oh crap that's him I don't wanna see him oh no! kind of look). Turn him into somebody that you used to know. He's just 'another guy' now. Hell, go out and date a little bit! No relationships, don't make the mistake he's making, but go out and flirt, wine and dine with a guy, but seriously, YOU AREN'T READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP. Let him realize that he made a mistake and let him come to you. You have to let the bird out of its cage. If the bird is yours, it'll come back. If not, it'll never come back. Right now, your bird is in someone else's cage. The only thing you can do is wait and FIND ANOTHER FRIGGIN BIRD
Indy C Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 (edited) I would have to agree with the other posts. My Ex who i dated for 4 years has started going out with my best friend not even 3 months after we broke up, and what made it worse is that they flirted when we were still together, and the only thing that has given my any piece of mind is cutting all communications. Still hurts but it felt like a step in the right direction Edited November 14, 2012 by Indy C
Renard99 Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 Like the others before me have said, break all communications with him. If he mails you, ignore it. My ex messaged me a few times after we had split up. With hindsight I can now see that she was only doing it because of her guilt for having ended it, however, I saw it as a way to get back with her so continued the conversations and not once did I feel better during this period. That all changed after I sent her a message on her birthday and got no response. After that I finally decided I'd never contact her again. That was over a year ago and can now say that, other than the odd thought of her crossing my mind on a cold and rainy friday afternoon once in a blue moon, I'm over her. No contact is where it's at!
Minadee Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 i'm in the same boat honey. as a the pregnant gf of three years, i lost the fight for him to a young blonde 18 year old. hurts like holy hell but you have to remind yourself that you are living and breathing and just take one step at a time to recovery. i should take my own advice lol.. 1
PYTpisces Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 i'm in the same boat honey. as a the pregnant gf of three years, i lost the fight for him to a young blonde 18 year old. hurts like holy hell but you have to remind yourself that you are living and breathing and just take one step at a time to recovery. i should take my own advice lol.. Indeed Minadee! Its hard to take our own advice, but you know you have this in you. You will feel this strength the more you place him in the past, far, far in the past. The past is a land where he cant hurt you anymore. If it still hurts, he's not yet really in the past. We must sojourn on until we're at a nice safe distance from them!
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