pathetic1999 Posted November 11, 2012 Posted November 11, 2012 Do guys really get pushed away if the woman initiates too much? My friends told me that if you text a guy too much (or call whichever is your thing) he pulls away. What is too much? I was dating a guy for about 3 weeks (about 5 dates 3 he asked 2 I did), and he was texting me every day since our first date. Now suddenly no contact for almost two whole days so I looked back and realized he was the last one to text even though it was a dead end comment (the kind you don't have to respond to basically ending the conversation). So I sent him a brief text asking him how he was and just saying Hi. He responded back openly asking how I was etc. Finally he said ok well have good rest of your day I have plans tonight, but if I cancel I will call you. I thought of it as kind of rude when he had never before, so I said wow thanks! He knew I was being sarcastic so he replied it wasn't that bad of a thing to say, then said ok maybe it was he just has plans he committed to but would like to hang out. I responded that I honestly was just saying Hi I actually have plans tonight as well but just wanted to say Hi, and was planning on leaving the asking out ball in his court anyway since I had asked last. No response, was that really that much to push him away???
The dot Posted November 11, 2012 Posted November 11, 2012 Basically, you should never be texting or calling more than once or maybe twice a week. Anymore than that is too much. Limit your calling and texting to making plans for when you want to see him, and save the conversation for when you're actually together. Incidentally, this advice applies equally to men and women.
Author pathetic1999 Posted November 11, 2012 Author Posted November 11, 2012 Really, do you honestly believe that?
Cloaky Posted November 11, 2012 Posted November 11, 2012 (edited) Do guys really get pushed away if the woman initiates too much? My friends told me that if you text a guy too much (or call whichever is your thing) he pulls away. What is too much? I was dating a guy for about 3 weeks (about 5 dates 3 he asked 2 I did), and he was texting me every day since our first date. Now suddenly no contact for almost two whole days so I looked back and realized he was the last one to text even though it was a dead end comment (the kind you don't have to respond to basically ending the conversation). So I sent him a brief text asking him how he was and just saying Hi. He responded back openly asking how I was etc. Finally he said ok well have good rest of your day I have plans tonight, but if I cancel I will call you. I thought of it as kind of rude when he had never before, so I said wow thanks! He knew I was being sarcastic so he replied it wasn't that bad of a thing to say, then said ok maybe it was he just has plans he committed to but would like to hang out. I responded that I honestly was just saying Hi I actually have plans tonight as well but just wanted to say Hi, and was planning on leaving the asking out ball in his court anyway since I had asked last. No response, was that really that much to push him away??? I'm a guy and here is my perspective: (Although, I don't know if I classify as the norm) In a relationship, I prefer to talk everyday, several times a day. The more a woman acts interested in me, the more I want her. I've never initiated. All three of my relationships approached me first. This may be due to lack of confidence? Surely I'm not the typical guy? Edited November 11, 2012 by Cloaky
Author pathetic1999 Posted November 11, 2012 Author Posted November 11, 2012 I don't think that has ever been too much to push a guy away but my friends have warned me that it is, I don't think I would want to be in a relationship with someone where that's too much. Even after 5 or 6 dates, I guess we all have to have boundaries and maybe that's his and these are mine? I just know when I enjoy time with someone I actually enjoy talking to them just a minute or two every day and if someone contacts me it doesn't push me away... 1
Sabian Posted November 11, 2012 Posted November 11, 2012 Basically, you should never be texting or calling more than once or maybe twice a week. Anymore than that is too much. Limit your calling and texting to making plans for when you want to see him, and save the conversation for when you're actually together. Incidentally, this advice applies equally to men and women. That's crazy. Twice a week? That's complete indifference to me and would show that the person is not interested. If I've gone out with a girl 5 times it means I obviously like her. I don't mind hearing from her every day. In fact, I like it. It lets me know that she's thinking about me. The whole "Don't call them for "X" days" rules is stupid. The fact that the "rule" even exists shows that a ton of people want to contact even sooner. If someone likes you, they'll always love to hear from you (within reason, no 20 times a day). If someone gets off-put by you texting them once a day or once every two days, they probably aren't that in to you to begin with. I personally talk all day with my girlfriend. Probably 50 text messages back and forth a day. 2
jcrew11 Posted November 11, 2012 Posted November 11, 2012 I think the rule is "Don't be annoying" and "Don't be needy too soon" If you are in a relationship over 4 weeks, then its probably expected to call every day or every other day; and texting every day or every other day. Also, if you are in a exclusive relationship, then weekend plans/dates are expected; or even dinner dates during the week. Whatever works for your availability. If you can't get ahold of the person by text, then its reasonable to call. If you don't hear from a guy for 3-5 days, then somethings wrong in the relationship, and maybe he found someone new.
weee111 Posted November 11, 2012 Posted November 11, 2012 My feeling on this is that if you want to contact the other person, contact them. If randomly getting a text from you after not talking for two days doesn't put a huge goofy smile on his face, it's not meant to be. 2
SoonMyFriend Posted November 11, 2012 Posted November 11, 2012 Gotta go with the majority here. If I want to contact someone, I will. Now, do I want a million texts from a guy all day? No, because I don't like being chained to my phone for one thing, but time apart is also nice. Honestly, if a guy is put off because you "texted too much" then he's not that into you. Even people like me who are terrible at responding to texts eventually get around to texting someone and I make sure it counts (not just a "k") Have you heard from this guy again? 1
Author pathetic1999 Posted November 12, 2012 Author Posted November 12, 2012 I have, he texted me today to say hey and then said he's been in a weird alone mood. Not sure I buy it but whatever, why would he bother? He didn't ask me out again though, so I'm just letting it go until he does and then decide how I feel.
sweetkiwi Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 go out with him again. Maybe he's being honest. Maybe he's not. You know how they say you can't win if you don't play? Exactly that.
Author pathetic1999 Posted November 12, 2012 Author Posted November 12, 2012 He hasn't asked again and haven't heard from him again today. Quite frankly I haven't seen him in about a week and he hasn't even asked me to go out again so how into me can he be...I want to be with someone who really wants to see me again not that I am just a passing thought which is what I feel I am to him. Maybe he's having issues, but really do I want to get into that mess either? 1
Author pathetic1999 Posted November 13, 2012 Author Posted November 13, 2012 (edited) He called me today and I told him I don't think we should go out anymore. Edited November 13, 2012 by pathetic1999 1
NoMoreJerks Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 (edited) He called me today and I told him I don't think we should go out anymore. Good call IMO... You would've been wasting your time otherwise , when you could be meeting other men. His "I have plans tonight, but if I cancel I will call you" has more red flags on it than there are in China. Basically, he outright told you he viewed you as a booty call (regardless of whether or not you have had sex - I'm talking about the attitude). Edited November 13, 2012 by NoMoreJerks
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