tigressA Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 There's a guy I initially met online in August. We met once toward the end of that month and we continued talking. I became enmeshed with my ex again in a weird on-off thing that ended for good about a month ago. In the midst of this, the other guy and I remained friends, talking once in awhile. After the final split with my ex, the other guy and I started talking more, and it got sexy. We'd tell each other what we wanted to do with each other, but when it came down to actually getting together, he was 'busy'. A little over a week ago I had become sexually frustrated enough to ask him what the deal was. He said he was sorry for leading me into thinking we'd hook up, and that while he had considered doing so with me, he isn't one for casual flings and that we'd work better as friends than as a couple. I told him I don't want to date him. He explained he tried the casual route before and he either gets attached or distant and he doesn't talk to any of his prior flings. I cheekily told him I don't see what either of us have to lose, since we're not best buds who hang out all the time. Earlier this week he sent me a 'hi' IM on the site at almost 2 in the morning. I caught it in time to respond but I didn't. Later that day I saw he'd taken his profile down. I texted him a day later asking him if he had anything he wanted to talk about, he said he was just saying hi. I haven't talked to him since; it's been a few days. I think it's mostly an ego thing that has got me attached to this. I can't believe he turned me down. I decided if he comes around again I'm going to say "If you're not going to ask me if you can come over, I'm not listening" or some variation on that. I see little to no point in dealing with him outside the confines of my (or his) bed. And though I see it will probably never happen, I am really into the idea of 'conquering' him, particularly now. In the meantime I'm keeping busier than usual and am basically happy, but this 'situation' is still bugging me. Do I have no chance at all to get this guy to ravage me?
Ninjainpajamas Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 (edited) Good for him, it's nice to not hear about the desperation of men not trying to get laid by anything that has a vagina once in a while...or is there another reason unfortunately? ah well, we can only hope! Anyway, some women can't take being rejected/not winning, or being second best to the point they have to fight valiantly to covet this man, just for the sake of a victory. Can't say I respect that very much TigressA but I know you are not the only one, it may even be human nature that all women have at least a little bit of, especially when triggered. "I cheekily told him I don't see what either of us have to lose, since we're not best buds who hang out all the time." Some women will make variations of this statement to get men into bed and start the process of entrapment ...just an fyi, not very uncommon. And men can react to this as a "trap" defensively...it's kinda like a candy bar in the middle of a forest...just sitting there out in the open on a tree stump covered with a pristine white tablecloth...it's like, somethings gotta be up with this! What kind of girl is this? Is she just easy and if so do I really want a piece of that? naaahhh I think if you keep pressing the guy you might catch him at a weak moment or he'll just give in, many women have patience and will be persistent until they win their "prize". I would also suggest different strategies of waving your vagina out in public at him...for example you can opt to drive by his work and as he is leaving, have both legs hanging out the window spread wide open (like when you open scissors) shaved vagina in full view, making a duck face with one hand gangsta driving your cutlass automobile....you can also go for something a little more classy, like walking in front of him with a short black skirt and platform shoes with the gold fish swimming in the heel, then suddenly drop your red lipstick in front of you and say "ooops" and bend over showing your brown hamster to the oogling eyes of mr non-compliant. Alternatively you can also send him nudes or in sexy lingerie, of you attempting to make sexy poses and faces however instead appearing to suffer from mild retardation. Good luck TigressA I believe in you and your powers! Edited November 11, 2012 by Ninjainpajamas 2
Author tigressA Posted November 11, 2012 Author Posted November 11, 2012 Thanks for that, Ninja...I think. We did exchange pictures at one point. The one I had sent him, he was like "... ... Wow... I wouldn't even know where to start". After he turned me down I felt like a bit of an idiot for sending it because we didn't even have sex, but then got over it. I very rarely send a picture, but I've never done it without already having hooked up with the guy. I figure the best way for me to deal with it at this point is to move forward and then next time he contacts me make clear that I want only one thing and to only talk to me if he wants it too. I had put forth my share of effort to get it, without being pushy, before he completely shot me down.
amaysngrace Posted November 11, 2012 Posted November 11, 2012 He wants a relationship and not a fling and knows you only want a fling. What is so wrong with that? Just because you aren't respecting yourself doesn't mean you should disrespect him for respecting himself. 4
Author tigressA Posted November 11, 2012 Author Posted November 11, 2012 He wants a relationship and not a fling and knows you only want a fling. What is so wrong with that? Just because you aren't respecting yourself doesn't mean you should disrespect him for respecting himself. There's nothing wrong with that. Perhaps he changed his mind--not so long ago he had said he wasn't looking for a relationship because he had a lot of stuff going on. But now he can't handle casual...well, I don't have any disrespect for him. If we were to hook up he will have made the choice himself. You can't seduce someone who doesn't want to be seduced. I think if he really didn't want it, he wouldn't have carried on with me the way he did.
amaysngrace Posted November 11, 2012 Posted November 11, 2012 He probably is just not wanting to get hurt by you and doesn't want to risk that. Or maybe he wants something more with you and is willing to wait until you want that too and doesn't want to jeopardize his chances by having something casual now?
kaylan Posted November 11, 2012 Posted November 11, 2012 (edited) He wants a relationship and not a fling and knows you only want a fling. What is so wrong with that? Just because you aren't respecting yourself doesn't mean you should disrespect him for respecting himself. I agree with this. You send all the signals of someone who wants a fling, and you only want to bang him because of your own ego. Just let him pull away if hes going to. You dont seem to be genuinely into him...just in shock of being turned down (which you admitted to). I find this common among a certain type of woman, if not only because a lot of guys make women think all men will take sex from any decently attractive female. Personally Im super turned off if a girl acts like, or believes she can have me anytime she wants as if she holds all the sexual power. Sure the idea of a girl trying to conquer can be kinda nice, but only if I know she genuinely likes me and doesnt want me simply because I backed off. Ive gotten a range of responses when turning gown a girl...from girls deleting me on facebook, to telling people BS about why we didnt hookup, or the girl just being even more persistent. Edited November 11, 2012 by kaylan 1
TaurusTerp Posted November 11, 2012 Posted November 11, 2012 h it at this point is to move forward and then next time he contacts me make clear that I want only one thing and to only talk to me if he wants it too. I had put forth my share of effort to get it, without being pushy, before he completely shot me down. That sounds like a good plan, although you should probably phrase it better (which you probably would anyway). What I'm trying to say is that guys are flaky too, and being overly antagonistic is counter to your goal (to have sex with him).
Author tigressA Posted November 11, 2012 Author Posted November 11, 2012 He probably is just not wanting to get hurt by you and doesn't want to risk that. Or maybe he wants something more with you and is willing to wait until you want that too and doesn't want to jeopardize his chances by having something casual now? I really don't know. I haven't theorized about it. I'm just in total lust over this guy and have been for some time, and it's only heightened now because I perceive a challenge. He gave general reasons for not doing it (past experiences ending badly), and he mentioned he had definitely considered it. I know he considers me very attractive. If there are other reasons for him not doing it, I'm not going to try to pry them out of him, and I'm not going to dwell on mere hypotheses. There are so many possibles. For example, his OLD profile's still down, so he could've met someone else. He told me what he told me, so I'm working with that.
SmileFace Posted November 11, 2012 Posted November 11, 2012 Do yourself a favor. Stop looking for a reason. You got rejected, big whoop. -- you know I know how it feels. Move on to the next. We have to think "we reject guys all the time". It isn't a big deal when you do it to someone so don't make it a big deal when they do it to you. Just move on. Stop looking to stroke your own ego - it will not turn out good. One rejection shouldn't even bother you. The guy I told you about - nope haven't heard from him since. Yep big rejection over something so stupid but life goes on, big deal. Move on T. 1
Yookie Posted November 11, 2012 Posted November 11, 2012 (edited) I would also suggest different strategies of waving your vagina out in public at him...for example you can opt to drive by his work and as he is leaving, have both legs hanging out the window spread wide open (like when you open scissors) shaved vagina in full view, making a duck face with one hand gangsta driving your cutlass automobile....you can also go for something a little more classy, like walking in front of him with a short black skirt and platform shoes with the gold fish swimming in the heel, then suddenly drop your red lipstick in front of you and say "ooops" and bend over showing your brown hamster to the oogling eyes of mr non-compliant. Alternatively you can also send him nudes or in sexy lingerie, of you attempting to make sexy poses and faces however instead appearing to suffer from mild retardation. Good luck TigressA I believe in you and your powers! WooooooooooWWWWWW !!!! Ahaaa hahahahahahahaha! This is fKing HILARIOUS!!! CANT BREATH! HAHAHAHAH!!!!! Edited November 11, 2012 by Yookie
FitChick Posted November 11, 2012 Posted November 11, 2012 (edited) Didn't the OP recently have an abortion? I thought she had said she was going to be more discerning in the future so as not to find herself in the same situation again. Unless I am confusing her with someone else. Edited November 11, 2012 by FitChick 2
Divasu Posted November 11, 2012 Posted November 11, 2012 (edited) With all due respect, this SITUATION is a mess. Edited November 11, 2012 by Divasu fixed
Author tigressA Posted November 11, 2012 Author Posted November 11, 2012 Didn't the OP recently have an abortion? I thought she had said she was going to be more discerning in the future so as not to find herself in the same situation again. Unless I am confusing her with someone else. Yes, I did, and I was recently put on the Pill. Suffice it to say that despite my prior declaration about it being unlikely for me to become sexually involved with anyone for awhile, my drive returned almost immediately after. And I don't see any reason to deny it. I'm healthy and happy. Now I'd appreciate it if that wasn't made a featuring part of this thread, seeing as it has nothing at all to do with the original post.
harcourt Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 I don't understand this phenomenon, either. It happened to me too with a dude.
carhill Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 Do I have no chance at all to get this guy to ravage me? Today? Perhaps not. Who knows what next week will bring, besides a turkey to the table? 1
Author tigressA Posted November 12, 2012 Author Posted November 12, 2012 Today? Perhaps not. Who knows what next week will bring, besides a turkey to the table? You're right, Carhill. Who knows? In any event, I've quit contemplating the odds. I had a really good weekend and decided to no longer allow this to bother me. As always, I appreciate everyone's input.
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