Breianne Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I feel as if my whole world is crashing and I've never felt so unhappy.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I've been married 23 months. I knew my Husband Brian through him being myDaughter's Father in Law. My Husband was married at the time and his wifebecame terminally ill. Like many of us would and also want to do in suchcircumstances, we give a helping hand and I did some shopping and cooked attimes. I didnt intrude or try to take over but was happy to give. [/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]On a visit to my 35 year old Daughter, she told me tobreak off the friendship or risk losing her. She told me that him seeing me andvice versa didnt look good. I asked her Husband (his youngest Son also 35 yearsold) to speak with his Dad. [/FONT][/sIZE] He told me his Dad didnt seem to want to bother with him (or his Brothers). I contacted his Father and asked him to call to sort with him why he felt his Father wasnt around. When his Father arrived, he wouldnt speak to him and told me that it wasnt the right time and that I had put him on the hop. I left hoping that his father and he would get to talk. A few days later I found they hadnt and that his father had left not long after I did. A few months later, his Mother died. My Daughter and he put it around the family that his Father and I were having an affair while his Mother was dying. This caused dreadful scenes with Brian's two other sons (aged 38 and 40 years of age). My Daughter and her Husband approached other members of the family, such as Brian's Mother, Stepfather and some of his Sisters, bad mouthing us. I had become shocked, totally upset and concerned in what was being said. Brian assured me that he would deal with things but over a short time most of his family and my Daughter turned their backs. During this time, Brian was concerned about my upset and because we shared such a dreadful upsetting time and situation we found it brought us together. Brian comforting me and vice versa. Over the months, Brian and I faced vindictiveness from his family. Word from my Daughter and her Husband went around the family that Brian and I had been having an affair whilst his Wife lay dying. My Daughter had told me I had lost her. His Sons told him the same. Brian was written out of their lives and his grandchildrens too. Our friends were approached and neighbours (in his area and mine). We had nasty letters, text messages and even had one of the mother-in-laws visit to say she wanted to punch our faces in. Over the months, Brian and I found our friendship blossomed, we fell in love and we married a year on. Brians Mother and two of his sisters too the side of Brians Sons and my Daughter and to this day, Brian though he has tried to speak with them on several occasions, found they have turned their back on him. I'm classed as evil, just after money and have all sorts of backstabbing and lies spread about me. When we married, Brian's best man put some pictures on Facebook the following day. Brian's eldest son commented and wrote some dreadful things, mainly that I was a 'whore' and that Brian was a low life (words to that effect). Brian's best man contacted him and on reading the Facebook comments from his eldest Son (and some from his youngest) told me to let it go over my head. Brian and I had spent a year dealing with such hurt and vindictive actions from my Daughter, his Sons and some other members of his family and yet these comments were enough to make me feel torn apart. I felt enough was enough........! Deep inside myself , I'd hope that Brian would have gone to see his eldest Son. Not to fight but to ensure that he would no longer put up with such action and behaviour from him (or anyone else for that matter). Brian didnt and I found I was affected by such hurt, not for days but for months, even now. I felt let down and somehow unprotected that led to me feeling so down, affected to the point that I couldnt get what had been done out of my head or my heart. I tried to tell Brian but it seemed to fal on deaf ears. He'd reply by saying, lets get on with our lives - forget it. Over the months, the vindictiveness happened again and again, and on one occasion Brian was arrested for an assualt his youngest Son and his Daughter in law (married to his middle Son) concocted to the Police. On another occasion, the police called to have Brian go to the police station because he was accused of breaking and entering my Daughters hair salon, when he was actually working away. Brian's Mother called to see me a few months ago telling if she had time to get her Son on his own before we married, she would have talked him out it. She went on to be verbally abusive and left. I told Brian on his return home and asked him to call and see her and to stop all this vendetta once and for all. He called to see her and she carried on being verbally insultive to me which led to him telling her he had had enough and he walked away. Later his Stepfather phoned him to tell him to stay away and keep out of their lives. Over the months, Brian told me he wanted to get on with our lives and that I was best doing the same. I feel I'm crying and dying inside for the Daughter I adored and loved so, yet shocked and angry inside for what she, Brian's Sons and some of the members of his family have done. Brian doesnt show emotion, feels I am not moving on (though I am trying so hard to do) and loses patience.nnHe tells me I am leaving things stuck. We've started to have arguments. I find his matter of fact attitude cold and uncaring. He thinks earning is just all he needs to provide and do. Over the last 20 months, he has been my world, I have shown love, caring and understanding yet bit by bit feel its wasted. He hardly (unless I prompt him) tells me he loves me and takes interest in me, he is sarcastic but tells me he is only joking and having fun, his interests are sport and playing games, so conversation is so limited. He blames my Daughter for the split in the family. He told me i was a jinx because nothing has gone right since he has known me, just bad things and he was happy before. In bed, he hardly instigates any foreplay. He doesnt appear to want to put any input into our relationship and this has me feeling frustrated and upset. I am also feeling the man I knew before we married is definately not the man I know now. After we married, he changed practically overnight. It was as if he thought he didnt have to try anymore. If I'm wrong in wanting love and affection and not just sexual attention then correct me....but surely some words should be a part of sexual attention not just pawing me. Brian loves to have fuss, attention, suprises and everything done for him. Short of working part time, running the house, shopping, cooking and cleaning (with some help at times) and doing his book work/accounts I feel I wipe his backside and feel like a mother rather than a wife and a lover. Anger and disappointment is mostly what I feel now. I find I throw the Facebook scenario into things, me telling him how he let me down and not taking some understanding. I find I am verbally abusive and worst still, want to lash out......he in turn is also verbally abusive and threatens to hit me or throw me out of the window. I'm going to counselling. I have asked him and he has gone a few times. Our counsellor is concerned he can 'cut' people out of his lives without any thought or feeling. He told her he didnt care his Sons turned their backs on him or other members of his family. Yes...I'm a mess all inside and he is seeing a terrible side to me and I, him. I am fast losing respect in his eyes, if not already. He has lost my respect and sadly I and the biggest part of people may or will say....the marriage is over. How do I feel after writing this..........devastated!
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