How to hang out with a girl that has bf? As friends though.

[knight_begins]

I made a thread about her in a different place here.

 

Basically I have a huge crush on my friend but she has a boyfriend. She rarely mentions him at all though.

 

At work she always mentions wanting to go see a movie but never goes. A mutual friend suggested we all go but that never happens. There's a movie I want to go see but I really don't have anyone to go with.

 

I was thinking about asking her to see both movies together. We'll go see the movie she wants first and we'll go see my movie some other time. As friends of course.

 

Would this be a good idea? My main concern is giving her signals that I like her. I don't want her to know at all. I don't know if she suspects anything but my mutual friends pretty much know I like her. They told me I like her and when they suggested this, I couldn't stop laughing while trying to deny it.

 

I really like her as a friend and want to hang out with her. I want to be careful in asking her because I don't want to ruin my friendship with her.

[Imported]

This is why I am leery of women that keep male friends as anything other than acquaintances.

 

OP, you don't want to hang around her to be "just friends". You're hoping by hanging around her, she'll develop feelings for you.

 

I don't blame you. It is to be expected that men do this. Women don't seem to understand this or they do and revel in it.

[ThaWholigan]

Dude, why do you want to be friends with her? Sit down and really think about it.

[knight_begins]

Dude, why do you want to be friends with her? Sit down and really think about it.

 

I have and I really enjoy her company and have a great time with her. She also cares about me something I can't really say about my other friends. She knows me way more than any of my friends at work despite only being friends with her for 3 months.

[ThaWholigan]

I have and I really enjoy her company and have a great time with her. She also cares about me something I can't really say about my other friends. She knows me way more than any of my friends at work despite only being friends with her for 3 months.

Well, I still think you shouldn't be friends with her because it's awkward - but the only way is if you can reconcile liking her somehow and still be her friend without that bothering you.

 

The problem is, for a lot of guys this is difficult. I imagine from what you have written this will also be very hard for you and you will end up still harboring feelings and wanting her.

 

My advice is to find other girls to date. If you are going to be friends with this girl, it's imperative that you date another girl or other girls, because if you don't and you spend all your time marinading on this girl, you will end up liking her more and growing resentful. And in the bargain lose her as a friend as well as a romantic option. She has a BF, so she is off limits until further notice. She is your friend but doesn't exist as a romantic option for you. Find someone else to date - and you will have an easier time being her friend.

[Els]

If you have a crush on her and she's unavailable, you really need to restrict your one-on-one time with her, instead of seeking ways to increase it. It's perfectly possible to meet her in group outings and maintain a friendship without trying to wiggle past boundaries (as it honestly sounds like you're trying to do). Unless you're not being totally honest with us (and yourself) about your intentions?

[Cloaky]

This is why I am leery of women that keep male friends as anything other than acquaintances.

 

OP, you don't want to hang around her to be "just friends". You're hoping by hanging around her, she'll develop feelings for you.

 

I don't blame you. It is to be expected that men do this. Women don't seem to understand this or they do and revel in it.

 

I KNOW RIGHT. When I was married, I told my wife that her guy friend was after sex from her. She denied it. Eventually after she found out I was right, she promised to stop talking to him. She did for awhile. She started talking to him again, and and denying what he was really after.

 

She knew exactly what he wanted, she just reveled in it and played stupid.

This went off and on four times, before eventually I chased him off. Needless to say, our marriage only lasted a few months.

[Imported]

I KNOW RIGHT. When I was married, I told my wife that her guy friend was after sex from her. She denied it. Eventually after she found out I was right, she promised to stop talking to him. She did for awhile. She started talking to him again, and and denying what he was really after.

 

She knew exactly what he wanted, she just reveled in it and played stupid.

This went off and on four times, before eventually I chased him off. Needless to say, our marriage only lasted a few months.

 

I wanted to change my post to say that male "vultures" do this. Not men. Actual men go out and find a girl that is actually available. They don't hover around a girl that already has a man, waiting for things to go bad so they can swoop in. When this girl has a problem with her man, guess what the OP is going to try to do.

[carhill]

OP, since you have a 'crush' on this person, my advice is to not 'hang out' with her, as hanging out has no basis in relationship terms other than your romantic interest in her. If you share mutual interests and her boyfriend participates, then you can enjoy your interest in a transparent manner, with the focus being on the interest, not the lady in question.

 

I can see both sides of this. One is respecting the relationships of others. The other, here in my demographic, is the dearth of single women to men, in that there are substantially more men than women around here, so 'hanging around', if avoided, generally IME has fostered living alone, as the other men don't really care and in fact do 'swoop in' at the first sign of instability. I saw that in my own M. That's how life works, around here anyway. I fought it for many years, trying to do the right thing, and now just forgo the whole process. Don't 'hang out', don't 'swoop in', accept 'being alone'. YMMV on the specifics so IMO prosecute your relationship style respectful of your own standards. It's your life.

[sweetkiwi]

don't hangout with her alone. You admit to having feelings for her. While saying she has a man and you only want to be friends. Those things don't work together.

 

Just recently this same thing happened to me. I had a friend. I was friends with an english guy and he invited me to the beach during the afternoon. I said yes and it turned out to be lunch alone and after he'd bring me to the beach. It made me feel weird and i asked to go home quickly.

 

Then he started texting me a lot and in one text he insulted my boyfriend so i cut ties with him.

 

Don't be that guy. I know you really like her but she is with someone else. You're putting her in a very awkward position.

[Eddie Edirol]

 

Would this be a good idea? My main concern is giving her signals that I like her. I don't want her to know at all. I don't know if she suspects anything but my mutual friends pretty much know I like her. They told me I like her and when they suggested this, I couldn't stop laughing while trying to deny it.

 

KB, just so you know, she already knows you like her. THATs why she wont go to the movies with you. She never will, because she knows you will get more attached to her, and she doesnt want that. You already gave her the signals by hanging around with her as much as you do now. (plus other general body language signals) If you havent gotten any signals from her that she shares your crush, then she isnt into you, and is happy with her bf. SO leave her be and find another woman before you waste another 3 months of your life crushing on her.

 

BTW, at this point, the only way for her to start liking you at all, is for another woman to brag to her about how great a bf you are, and she sees that you are a better bf than she has now.

[Imported]

don't hangout with her alone. You admit to having feelings for her. While saying she has a man and you only want to be friends. Those things don't work together.

 

Just recently this same thing happened to me. I had a friend. I was friends with an english guy and he invited me to the beach during the afternoon. I said yes and it turned out to be lunch alone and after he'd bring me to the beach. It made me feel weird and i asked to go home quickly.

 

Then he started texting me a lot and in one text he insulted my boyfriend so i cut ties with him.

 

Don't be that guy. I know you really like her but she is with someone else. You're putting her in a very awkward position.

 

One of my ex-friends did this to me with my ex-girlfriend. I didn't know it at the time, but he instigated a lot of the mistrust my ex-girlfriend had in me.

 

OP, when I said I don't blame you, I lied. You're pathetic if you keep trying to go at a girl that is already taken and feeding to her doubts about her boyfriend. However, I do blame the girl more if they fall for it or actually enjoy it (I drop those immediately, as they are not worth the trouble).

[knight_begins]

Why do you guys think I'll talk badly about the boyfriend? I haven't done that at all. She rarely mentions her boyfriend and I never ask about him. I wouldn't like a girl dumping me for another guy.

 

We are pretty good friends and there's nothing awkward here. She always sits next to me at lunch with our other friends and she used to give me advice on dating because not long ago I would keep her up to date with my progress on a girl I was trying to date but didn't work out at all. I just hope my friends don't go around telling her what happened the other day when they suspected I like her and I started laughing and denying it. That could potentially make our friendship awkward BUT she knows I'm very mature.

 

What are my intentions? Being her friend. She's pretty awesome and is always giving me advice. I normally don't like hanging out with people outside of work or school but she is someone I really want to hang out with and keep around as a friend for a long time.

 

I admit, if she becomes single again, and I'm still single at this point, I'd definitely make a move. I'd be lying if I didn't admit to that. I'm not exactly waiting for her to be single or anything. It's pretty hard for me to meet women. Besides, she knew I was interested in another girl not long ago (I was more interested in my friend than the other girl but my friend is in a relationship). But this doesn't mean I'm going to make my friend break up with her boyfriend and that I want to have sex with her. I'm not that type of guy.

 

I know it's just in my head (because it really is, has happened with other girls I've liked) but it seems like she's trying to make herself more appealing to me. She does and says things that might be considered weird, she stopped smoking (she had her reason but she knew I don't drink or smoke and has always respected that about me), she claims to not go out much because the job is so demanding (may be true but it hasn't stopped the other coworkers; she knows I don't really go out much) and things like that. The facts I do know are how she prefers dating men of my ethnicity and randomly stopped smoking (although she only did so socially).

 

As for hints, I cna't really say anything because I tend to view friendliness from girls I like as hints but I accept that I'm wrong here. She lightly punches me, she turns to me specifically to me things like how her day went or if something funny happened to her, always sits next to me (unless a mutual sits next to me first), and things like that. When I was talking about girls, she said "I bet you'd like me more if I was quiet and weird" (referring to a girl I used to be interested in). I'm pretty sure she doesn't like me because I'm not exactly an interesting person per se and she has told me that I need to start dating women (I would if I knew where to look).

 

On one hand I really like her and would love to be her boyfriend. On the other hand, I accepted that she's in a relationship, she wouldn't date a guy like me even if she was single. The fact is that I really enjoy her company and I know she likes being my friend too.

[Imported]

First you're like pointing out why you only want to be friends with her and won't do anything to ruin her current relationship

 

What are my intentions? Being her friend. She's pretty awesome and is always giving me advice. I normally don't like hanging out with people outside of work or school but she is someone I really want to hang out with and keep around as a friend for a long time.

 

I admit, if she becomes single again, and I'm still single at this point, I'd definitely make a move. I'd be lying if I didn't admit to that. I'm not exactly waiting for her to be single or anything. It's pretty hard for me to meet women. Besides, she knew I was interested in another girl not long ago (I was more interested in my friend than the other girl but my friend is in a relationship). But this doesn't mean I'm going to make my friend break up with her boyfriend and that I want to have sex with her. I'm not that type of guy.

 

 

 

And then you're like grasping at straws on why you think she might like you on a romantic level.

I know it's just in my head (because it really is, has happened with other girls I've liked) but it seems like she's trying to make herself more appealing to me. She does and says things that might be considered weird, she stopped smoking (she had her reason but she knew I don't drink or smoke and has always respected that about me), she claims to not go out much because the job is so demanding (may be true but it hasn't stopped the other coworkers; she knows I don't really go out much) and things like that. The facts I do know are how she prefers dating men of my ethnicity and randomly stopped smoking (although she only did so socially).

 

As for hints, I cna't really say anything because I tend to view friendliness from girls I like as hints but I accept that I'm wrong here. She lightly punches me, she turns to me specifically to me things like how her day went or if something funny happened to her, always sits next to me (unless a mutual sits next to me first), and things like that. When I was talking about girls, she said "I bet you'd like me more if I was quiet and weird" (referring to a girl I used to be interested in). I'm pretty sure she doesn't like me because I'm not exactly an interesting person per se and she has told me that I need to start dating women (I would if I knew where to look).

 

On one hand I really like her and would love to be her boyfriend. On the other hand, I accepted that she's in a relationship, she wouldn't date a guy like me even if she was single. The fact is that I really enjoy her company and I know she likes being my friend too.

[ThaWholigan]

Well I thought you would make a bunch of excuses which is why my advice still stands basically. If you really want to be her friend, then be her friend, but you HAVE to date other girls and stop pining over this one.

[Teknoe]

Oh man, kb... I been where you are too many times to count. Just recently, in fact. Very recently... and probably still in it about 15% or so.

 

It's just a load of crap.

 

I know it's hard when you're caught up in it, but you really need to just disengage...

[knight_begins]

Okay everyone, I admit, I was wrong. My feelings are very strong for her and I realized it just now. When she mentioned her boyfriend very briefly, it hurt. I'm laughing at this right now for some reason. I don't know why.

 

I wouldn't mind hanging out with her if she asked me to or something but I'm not going to ask her to hang out any time soon. Its clear I really like her.

 

Although I wasn't planning on looking for girls to potentially date, I think I have no choice but to start looking as soon as possible. Why? It will help me get over her. I had an easier time seeing her as a friend when I was talking to another girl I wanted to date. I still liked her but I treated her as a friend 100%. Right now I'm treating her as a friend that I have a huge crush on.

 

This was harder than I thought. I need to figure out how to get over her and I'm going to start looking for girls and stuff. I can't like a girl that has a bf anyways.

[Daniel V. Ross]

You must control your feelings. You are the one also who will get hurt at the end.

[Teknoe]

Okay everyone, I admit, I was wrong. My feelings are very strong for her and I realized it just now. When she mentioned her boyfriend very briefly, it hurt. I'm laughing at this right now for some reason. I don't know why.

 

I wouldn't mind hanging out with her if she asked me to or something but I'm not going to ask her to hang out any time soon. Its clear I really like her.

 

Although I wasn't planning on looking for girls to potentially date, I think I have no choice but to start looking as soon as possible. Why? It will help me get over her. I had an easier time seeing her as a friend when I was talking to another girl I wanted to date. I still liked her but I treated her as a friend 100%. Right now I'm treating her as a friend that I have a huge crush on.

 

This was harder than I thought. I need to figure out how to get over her and I'm going to start looking for girls and stuff. I can't like a girl that has a bf anyways.

 

Good job coming to your senses. I know what it feels like to crush on taken girls.

 

Every day/week that passes it gets easier and easier.

 

The thing is, you tend to think in the moment "there'll never be another girl as special as her." Then you laugh 5 months later when you find a new crush who is just as special if not even more.

[VeronicaRoss]

So many guys end up in a friend zone thinking it's a step forward.

 

No one has mentioned this yet but if you hang out with her to have long deep talks about her relationship or yours, you're acting like one of her girlfriends and neutering yourself sexually. That's fine if you need another sister.

 

If you want a chance at this woman at all stop acting like a friend, it's the most effective way to lose your masculinity. Act like a man so she can see you that way. Pursue your interests, live a life worth sharing someday. Pursue available women instead of hanging out with her -- cut that down at least 80% or more. Show up once in a awhile to keep a connection. And if she tries to talk with you about the boyfriend tell her you're not a girlfriend, you're a guy, and just change the subject. If she insists just say "Boring! If he doesn't appreciate you he's an idiot, you can't change him, it is what it is. We're moving on..."

 

It shows you're confident, in control and not going to let her put you in the friend zone. That's hot.

[knight_begins]

Today she was acting extremely random during lunch at work. She was telling me how she was just thinking about me, how she was so happy to see me, how she thought I didn't show up to work and things like that. It really felt great and because I don't get that sort of attention all the time. It felt as if she hadn't seen me in ages.

 

Funny thing is, we see each other everyday at work and hang out at lunch so I don't know why she was acting all happy like that today. She did this infront of our friends too. What does that mean? Is it normal for female friends to act that way with their male friends?

 

Just for the record, she doens't talk about her boyfriend or anything. She has only mentioned him a few times. For example, she says things like "my boyfriend watches that show too." But it rarely happens.

 

I still try to do things so I won't come off as the guy who likes her and I try not to come off as too nice in case I get like friendzoned. But lately she's been complimenting me a lot. I said how job is a commitment which is why I normally show up for work at least 15 mins early and don't like missing work. She said "I like that."

 

I did a nice thing to another coworker and she said that was so sweet. On a different day I said I was going to give my dad some money on his trip and she said that was really nice. But yeah we joke with each other all the time too like she'll say things about the way I dress and stuff but its all in good fun.

 

Then this happened. It made me feel very happy. I'm not used to getting that kind of attention. It really feels great knowing how much someone cares about me. It was random but I loved it.

[ThaWholigan]

You're still allowing yourself to get caught up. You're slipping.

 

Date other girls. She is probably already friendzoning you - she probably knows you like her and plays up to that. Never think a girl won't do that, there are those who will. That's if she's even picking up that you like her, maybe she's just being friendly. Whatever it is, as much as you like the "attention" she's giving you, she's OFF LIMITS!! Sure, you know that, but soon you will resent that if you don't start dating other girls!!