starla33 Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 Firstly please don't start flaming me about how I put myself in this situation. Yeah I did, but people should still respect your boundaries NO matter what. I went on a 2nd date with a guy that lived far away so by the time it came to going home it was already late at night and driving back would take an hour. He asked if I wanted to stay. I told him very firmly that I'm not ready for sex and I like to wait and we are sleeping fully clothed. He seemed fine with this. During the night we did kiss obviously, but then he started to keep trying to put his hand in my vag numerous times and I got really annoyed with this as he was not respecting my boundaries. I told him again to stop, but he kept trying. So I got up and said I was going home half asleep. Hes texting me this morning. Should I tell him I'm upset he didnt respect my boundaries or not even bother? To be honest I started feeling kind of violated and creeped out. And yeah flame away all you want, but you should be able to sleep with someone with some damn boundaries.
tigressA Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 Just don't respond to him. Next. He obviously wasn't respecting you as he refused to take no for an answer. Good that you decided to firmly enforce your boundaries by getting up and leaving. In the future, if you're going to date guys who live far from you, plan your dates so you're not tempted to have premature sleep-overs. Meet somewhere in the middle so that you both have to go your separate ways at the end. 11
todreaminblue Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 Firstly please don't start flaming me about how I put myself in this situation. Yeah I did, but people should still respect your boundaries NO matter what. I went on a 2nd date with a guy that lived far away so by the time it came to going home it was already late at night and driving back would take an hour. He asked if I wanted to stay. I told him very firmly that I'm not ready for sex and I like to wait and we are sleeping fully clothed. He seemed fine with this. During the night we did kiss obviously, but then he started to keep trying to put his hand in my vag numerous times and I got really annoyed with this as he was not respecting my boundaries. I told him again to stop, but he kept trying. So I got up and said I was going home half asleep. Hes texting me this morning. Should I tell him I'm upset he didnt respect my boundaries or not even bother? To be honest I started feeling kind of violated and creeped out. And yeah flame away all you want, but you should be able to sleep with someone with some damn boundaries. I agree you shouldn't contact him or reply.He didn't respect you or your boundaries.you did the right thing by leaving.No means no whatever they think no means or wherever you may be NO IS NO........best wishes....deb 3
AlexDP Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 Firstly please don't start flaming me about how I put myself in this situation. Yeah I did, but people should still respect your boundaries NO matter what. I went on a 2nd date with a guy that lived far away so by the time it came to going home it was already late at night and driving back would take an hour. He asked if I wanted to stay. I told him very firmly that I'm not ready for sex and I like to wait and we are sleeping fully clothed. He seemed fine with this. During the night we did kiss obviously, but then he started to keep trying to put his hand in my vag numerous times and I got really annoyed with this as he was not respecting my boundaries. I told him again to stop, but he kept trying. So I got up and said I was going home half asleep. Hes texting me this morning. Should I tell him I'm upset he didnt respect my boundaries or not even bother? To be honest I started feeling kind of violated and creeped out. And yeah flame away all you want, but you should be able to sleep with someone with some damn boundaries. This is something that is not going to sound popular, but no really does not always mean no with women. As men, we have come to realize this. I am sure this is why the guy kept trying. HOWEVER, this was a 2nd date. You don't do that on a 2nd date. At this point, no very much means no and you respect that. Personally I also don't think sleeping next to someone means that the guy can expect to have sex. I have slept next to women without having sex with them and I mean.. You even said it wasn't happening! 3
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 I dealt with something like this few months ago. I agreed to a second date at his place. I told him in advance firmly that I wasn't ready for sex. He said it's no problem, he will just cook me dinner and we will watch TV. I hate formal dating so this sounded good to me. Once I got there, he really made an effort with candles, super clean apartment, bunch of roses that he gave me and a nice meal. However, once we started watching TV, he kissed me. We made out for a while and he stated aggressively pushing for more. He kept telling me BS like "You are so beautiful, can you blame me?". I pushed him off for him only to start up again few minutes later. I finally decided to just go home. I was pissed at how sexually pushy he was, given what I told him about sex beforehand. He texted me abut million times since, telling me that he wants a relationship blah blah. I never saw him again. 1
Author starla33 Posted November 10, 2012 Author Posted November 10, 2012 And what have we learned today? You can't kiss a man and then sleep in his bed without him trying to bang you. Now you can prevent this kind of thing from happening in the future. I'm fine with them TRYING. I'm not fine with them being pushy and continuing to TRY after you clearly say NO
kiss_andmakeup Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 If he had truly just been looking out for your safety, and not trying to get laid, he would have slept on the couch. Next him for sure. "Can't blame a guy for trying," as they say, but one "no" should have been MORE than enough. 2
Mint Sauce Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 If he had truly just been looking out for your safety, and not trying to get laid, he would have slept on the couch. Exactly. That's what we decent guys do :-) 1
RachR Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 It's really scummy that he kept trying. He was doing in the hopes you would eventually give in and just say yes. I wouldn't see him again. If it were me, though, I'd probably briefly tell him why I won't see him again though lol (not saying you should). 2
kiss_andmakeup Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 It's really scummy that he kept trying. He was doing in the hopes you would eventually give in and just say yes. I wouldn't see him again. If it were me, though, I'd probably briefly tell him why I won't see him again though lol (not saying you should). I'd be tempted to do this too (not that I'd put myself in this situation in the first place, but, I digress). I'd probably send a simple parting text, stating "Your blatant disrespect of my boundaries last night was not only a turn-off; it's a deal-breaker. I'm not interested in seeing you again. Good luck." 1
Imajerk17 Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 (edited) I wanted to write you a nice response starla, but it's hard to. See we all do dumb things. Thing is though, you KEEP putting yourself in these situations. So... Your selection criteria for whom you end up going out with aside, I'm wondering why you didn't consider the hour-long drive home BEFORE your date, or at the very least, insist on sleeping on the couch. Edited November 10, 2012 by Imajerk17
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 I actually wrote my guy a text to tell him why I won't see him again. He just kept apologizing and assuring me that he is not just after sex, that he likes me, wants a relationship, it will never happen again etc. It got tedious because my mind was made up. I also am not going to do home dates anymore, unless I am ready for sex. 1
mesmerized Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 Don't even bother. He was pushy to the point that he creeped you out. You deserve better.
Under The Radar Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 After you said NO, he should have kept his hands to himself. I would next him for sure. His repeated attempts were disrespectful and foreshadows poor future relations.
Author starla33 Posted November 11, 2012 Author Posted November 11, 2012 I agree with all of you. I also think this is a good test to see if a guy will respect your boundaries. I'd rather find out this early on than later down the road for sure. I didn't mean for it to be a test obviously, but that is what it came out to I suppose.
Tara247 Posted November 11, 2012 Posted November 11, 2012 Firstly please don't start flaming me about how I put myself in this situation. Yeah I did, but people should still respect your boundaries NO matter what. I went on a 2nd date with a guy that lived far away so by the time it came to going home it was already late at night and driving back would take an hour. He asked if I wanted to stay. I told him very firmly that I'm not ready for sex and I like to wait and we are sleeping fully clothed. He seemed fine with this. During the night we did kiss obviously, but then he started to keep trying to put his hand in my vag numerous times and I got really annoyed with this as he was not respecting my boundaries. I told him again to stop, but he kept trying. So I got up and said I was going home half asleep. Hes texting me this morning. Should I tell him I'm upset he didnt respect my boundaries or not even bother? To be honest I started feeling kind of violated and creeped out. And yeah flame away all you want, but you should be able to sleep with someone with some damn boundaries. Starla, this man is trash, the most nastiest of scumbags. Delete all of his contact information, block him from contacting you in any way, forget that he ever existed.
Author starla33 Posted November 11, 2012 Author Posted November 11, 2012 Starla, this man is trash, the most nastiest of scumbags. Delete all of his contact information, block him from contacting you in any way, forget that he ever existed. he doesn't think he did anything wrong and is not interested anymore anyway (because I didn't sleep with him). HA HA
FitChick Posted November 11, 2012 Posted November 11, 2012 If he lives far away, meet him at some halfway point.
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 11, 2012 Posted November 11, 2012 I agree with all of you. I also think this is a good test to see if a guy will respect your boundaries. I'd rather find out this early on than later down the road for sure. I didn't mean for it to be a test obviously, but that is what it came out to I suppose. I agree that he's shown himself to be not what most of us would consider worthwhile - but please don't think of that situation as a "good test." It was not a good situation to put yourself in. MANY guys will think that laying in his bed and making out with him means that you really aren't too firm about your boundaries. Personally, I don't think that anybody should be sleeping overnight in the bed of someone they're dating, and making out there, unless they ARE intending to have sex. 1
Author starla33 Posted November 12, 2012 Author Posted November 12, 2012 1. don't contact him ever again 2. we all make mistakes. with the next man don't dare fall for it. yes, but what is the problem with just cuddling? There are plenty of guys that will respect this boundary
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