Hopeful714 Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 Hello I am new to the forum and posting. I was in a 15 month relationship that ended two months ago and I am not doing well. The relationship was rocky from the get go. There were red flags I failed to see. He was a very well built attractive man. I am an educated attractive woman. He came on quick and heavy..I was skeptical..he pushed hard..I finally fell for him..he pulled away. He would call every night. He always said he really liked me, I saw him almost every weekend but his actions didn't always match his words. Forgotten birthdays, and never made me feel too special. I knew he had issues, could very well be a narcissist, bipolar and manipulator. But I hate to label and victimize him if I am wrong. Things to me seemed all about him. My needs didn't seem to matter. Real communication was very limited. I would catch him lies...that made no sense many times. I know there were infidelities. I sensed it in my gut, saw overnight cars at his house, tons of girls on facebook. I didnt mean to snoop or stalk, but I wanted to protect myself. He needed attention all the time. His personality was dominating. When we would fight he would threaten me by saying "theres many other girls that want me." He thought he was sooo wanted. And he is....so I had trust issues. Most likely because I never received reassurance from him. After the honeymoon period there wasn't much affection. Sex was weird. I felt like an object for his gratification. He didnt please me much and didnt like kissing. But still...he kept me around, called every night, and I spent tons of time with him every weekend. He still said he liked me and wanted to be with me. Actually we really did have many very close fun times. But he seemed to want control of everything. I know he came from an abusive home as a child. I became sick at the end. Bad cold. He didn't care. Once I was recovered 2 wks later I went to his house and he mistakenly had a toothbush out where mine was..that wasn't mine! I know he spent time with another while I was sick! At that time I finally let out everything I was holding in for months and told him I knew about the lies, girls, etc. I was devastated. He admitted/denied anything. He kept calling after that and tried to act like nothing was wrong and wanted to see me but I pulled away b-cuz I was so hurt. He then quit calling. After a few weeks I looked for closure 2x by sending texts asking to talk. Both times he responded saying he will get in touch but he never did. I was never mean. Two weeks after my last text I received a text from him saying "IM sorry!!!." I questioned the authenticity of the apology and I didnt respond. I didn't know how to. And wondered why after all that time now would you send that? Believe it or not I miss him, and wish he'd contact again. My thoughts are consumed with this and my self esteem is gone. I am very depressed. What happened to me? Why cant I get over this? And why do I blame myself? Was he looking for me to beg when I did nothing wrong?
NavyAirTraffic Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 You were rejected and it's not an easy thing to stomach. Even though deep down you know it would never work "long term" with this man, it sounds like you're consumed with the thought that "why wasn't I good enough for him" "why couldn't I be his only one". Some people are just broken or just severely emotionally immature. One day you'll meet a man that treats you the way you deserve to be treated, that makes you forget about all other relationships. He will do this again to several women, seeking "perfection" or whatever it is he's looking for. I used to be this man and one day he'll realize exactly what I did, people by definition are imperfect. Only then will he understand how stupid he was for leaving behind amazing women like you. Remember you did nothing wrong, you are and always were "good enough". Either he is broken from growing up in an abusive home, or emotionally immature, or both, but either way he is blind. You do not fix broken people nor do you stay with immature/blind people until they open their eyes.
mishy Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 he really sounds like the guy i was seeing. many similarities. Those men are always womanisers, you will never get what you need from them. They also make you feel like you are always in the wrong and that you have to work for their attention. The emptiness you feel is because he has worn down your self esteem. the only way to get that back is to stay away from him.
Author Hopeful714 Posted November 11, 2012 Author Posted November 11, 2012 Thank you for your reply and honesty. I cried when I read the response. Funny you mention "broken" as he had told me that he was broken on several occasions. Also, from what I know of his relationship history it appears the same scene or a very similar one happened with the past two girls he dated. Seems like he can't keep a normal relationship going and although he "says" and "appeared" to want a serious girlfriend as soon as the girl's needs become evident then the problems start and he emotionally checks out but keeps her around for the benefits of selfish sex and weekend company. I never expected a proposal...but I did hope for and expect some sort of respect for myself as a person. My badd I guess. What sucks the most, is here I am now....feeling "broken" and used up by this "broken" dude I gave so much time to, listened to his problems, helped him with things, was there when he was sick....all because he demanded it...And as I sit here in so much pain, thinking of the crappy way I was treated, he could care less and is most likely on to his next girl which I know will last as long as it takes for her to see his true colors and selfish intentions. I feel humiliated, embarrassed, and like such a fool. When really HE should be feeling this. I truly hope you have healed from whatever broke you and that you have found peace and some type of happiness. But why the heck can't broken people stay away from the good ones who don't need this in their life? He just HAD to win me over for his ego. Knowing I didnt deserve this. And I hate him now as well as myself for falling for it. He told me he didn't want me to think of him as a pig. Well what else am I to think? He spoiled any nice memories I had. I too have dealt with things very very tough in my past. But I never went out and used anyone or lied, cheated and manipulated for my personal gain. I just dont get it. Again thanks. I just need to vent.
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