Interesting story about an affair that blew up

[dhcp]

Thought I would share this recent story that happened at work to make people think about things that could bite you:

 

I'm at a big international law firm. Huge, prestigious law firm, thousands of attorneys.

 

One of the very top partners at the firm who i've known and worked with for quite a while and has a seemingly great wife, family, whole deal. Great guy, down to earth (for an attorney), easy to get along with etc, starts having an affair with a paralegal.

 

This starts off as flirtatious emails (using personal email accounts) and it goes on for 3-4 months. They had to go out of town together for a case and there was some stuff that happened there, he was sending her notes while he was traveling, etc.

 

The paralegal was just married a year prior to a stockbroker. Both were early 30's in age. Partner was mid-50's in age. She always seemed a little sketchy to me but of course it takes two to tango.

 

So stockbroker husband might have suspected something or stumbled across something, but somehow accessed her Yahoo mail at home and saw all the emails. To add insult to injury, the paralegal actually took her husband out to dinner with the partner and his wife a week prior and the attorney talked in email about how he thought the husband was kind of a jerk and aloof, not attractive, etc.

 

So the stockbroker did something that was both horrifying and clever. Rather than confront the wife right away, he sent an email message to one of our company-wide mailing lists like "All Employees Worldwide" that are hidden, but reachable from the outside if you know the address.

 

He sends a message (and BCC:ed the address so you had no idea who else got it) and in the message he had a paragraph explaining who he was, how his new wife had been having an affair with this partner, etc. Pretty bad.

 

But what was the killer was then he included several choice emails from the partner to his wife and they were really, really bad. One was when the partner was on a trip and said he was masturbating while thinking of her and described all kinds of different things they had done and want to do, etc. Super graphic and detailed.

 

So this message came in and you saw people jump up all over and look out their offices and at first nobody knew what to say because it was BCC'ed, you weren't sure who else had received it. And being a big law firm, it took literally minutes before people were forwarding it out to friends at other law firms and it went viral immediately. This guys reputation was ruined and he was a multi-million dollar earner and he was walked out the door after 25 years at the firm. Despite what you think, even as a top attorney, there wasn't a line of other firms lining up to hire him. For corporate law, nobody wants that reputation, maybe in a few years, not for a while until things cool down.

 

And the paralegal? We got an unusual company-wide announcement that she was now the "manager" of all paralegal company-wide. She essentially got a promotion, obviously because it was some awkward situation where they didn't want to be exposed by getting rid of her or she played some card about he pressured her or something.

 

We saw her getting into a new BWM 8-series recently with some new, 50-something guy again so nothing may have changed

 

Sometimes these affairs can blow up in ways that you can never anticipate.

[sad puppy]

So were you totally stunned? You said he was a great guy, did he talk to you? Wow, that story is frankly hilarious! And now Petraeus is busted, too bad that's how his illustrious career has ended.

 

I had an affair with an attorney. Maybe it's an attorney thing? I swear to god, I just couldn't comprehend how my xMM could be so comfortable lying all the time. I was most unhappy how he betrayed his kids, ultimately. He moved out a year ago, I walked away shortly, thereafter. He started lying to me! And I was the reason for his divorce, for gods sakes!

 

Painful but couldn't trust him. So, what do you think? More lying for attorneys?

[Artie Lang]

EPIC!!!

 

i can bet she was promoted to stave off a lawsuit. sounds like she's f*cking her way up the corporate ladder.

[Artie Lang]

LFH, this happens ALL the time at these firms.

 

if you've already heard, Gen. Patreus had to step down from his position as the head of the CIA because of a security risk as a result of his infidelity.

 

this is not some "spooky" story.....this is reality.

 

these firms would rather compel the offending officer/partner to step down, rather than face a scandal followed by a lawsuit.

Edited November 11, 2012 by Artie Lang

[Artie Lang]

And like I've always said... that's why, single, married, gay, bi, transgendered, alien, purple, polka-dotted, you don't get involved with people you work with.

 

no doubt about it.

[dhcp]

If this was a legitimate story, and you work in a law firm you shouldn't have revealed it happened at work. You'd should know that from a corporate and legal standpoint you are taking a hell of a risk. This could all be traced back and land you in a pot of hot water... where you could find yourself facing your own lawsuit from your employer. Confidentiality clauses and all..

 

So it's an interesting anecdote that may or may not be factual, but only really points out how stupid it is to get involved with someone you work with.

You seem to know an awful lot about this affair. If you think it's so wrong... why didn't YOU tell the wife for all those months while it was flirtatious and building up?

 

You're story is full of holes, but makes excellent entertainment, much like the spooky bedtime stories told to frighten children into behaving. I always find it fascinating when these "beware" stories are posted, what is supposed to be accomplished by it? Nearly anyone that is having an affair has already thought through the repercussions, or else certainly should have.

 

Funny, I couldn't imagine being accused of making up the story. I'm one of a thousand there and every large firm on the west coast knows the story, it was out of control. Our mail gateway to the internet was shut down while they tried to make an outbound filter to stop the forwarding but that was an hour later and it was too late. I didn't know that the affair was happening before it occurred and frankly would have never thought this guy would have been straying, it made me realize that you just can't tell who might be cheating out there.

 

I didn't know about it in advance but I did know a lot of the details after it happened. I'm not exposing myself, it's a story that spread like fire and while a shocker to me since it happened at our firm, it's hardly the first like that.

 

Not sure what "holes" are in the story. I know the story from the moment that email arrived to everyone to after he was walked out the door.

 

Since I write confidentiality agreements I am pretty sure I understand when I'm crossing the line. I have not named names or otherwise given identifiable information that could lead you any further than speculation.

 

But I'd love to hear these "holes" in the story if you would legitimately like clarification.

Edited November 11, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed inflammatory remark

[Spark1111]

A few years back the head of the American Red Cross and his lover, an admin on another floor at headquarters were both fired and escorted out of the building following an affair.

 

Why? They has been using company landlines, cell phones and computers to conduct he affair.

 

As a not for profit, that was not only a theft of company resources, but violated its tax exempt charter.

 

Hum, buh bye. And the press was encouraged to take pics of the escort out of the building, which was absolutely sending a message to other employees.

 

Don't mess with our reputation or the charitable donations that sustain the work we do worldwide.

[veryhappy]

Thanks for sharing.

 

I like the story, because for once the man pays the price for the affair.

 

I bet those calling in sick that day regretted it.

[2sure]

LFH, this happens ALL the time at these firms.

 

if you've already heard, Gen. Patreus had to step down from his position as the head of the CIA because of a security risk as a result of his infidelity.

 

this is not some "spooky" story.....this is reality.

 

these firms would rather compel the offending officer/partner to step down, rather than face a scandal followed by a lawsuit.

 

Funny! Just talked about this at dinner tonight. My friend said if the CIA guy can't cheat without getting caught, what made your jackass husband think he could?

[Mount]

Come on, how come you guys so naive, would believe that guy is being brought down, really due to infidelity.

 

That is another cover story in order to hide the political power struggle behind, that brings down another important role/helper of Obama.

 

Don't tell me you guys really would believe the infidelity reason, from all the posts I have read so far you all seem to have enough life experience now.

 

LFH, this happens ALL the time at these firms.

 

if you've already heard, Gen. Patreus had to step down from his position as the head of the CIA because of a security risk as a result of his infidelity.

 

this is not some "spooky" story.....this is reality.

 

these firms would rather compel the offending officer/partner to step down, rather than face a scandal followed by a lawsuit.

[KathyM]

It's amazing to me how men (and women) are willing to risk their families, their careers, and their reputation, all for some temporary fling. So foolish. Such a waste.

[ThatJustHappened]

If this was a legitimate story, and you work in a law firm you shouldn't have revealed it happened at work. You'd should know that from a corporate and legal standpoint you are taking a hell of a risk. This could all be traced back and land you in a pot of hot water... where you could find yourself facing your own lawsuit from your employer. Confidentiality clauses and all..

 

So it's an interesting anecdote that may or may not be factual, but only really points out how stupid it is to get involved with someone you work with.

You seem to know an awful lot about this affair. If you think it's so wrong... why didn't YOU tell the wife for all those months while it was flirtatious and building up?

 

You're story is full of holes, but makes excellent entertainment, much like the spooky bedtime stories told to frighten children into behaving. I always find it fascinating when these "beware" stories are posted, what is supposed to be accomplished by it? Nearly anyone that is having an affair has already thought through the repercussions, or else certainly should have.

 

Actually, I think the moral of the story is that you don't get involved with someone who is married...

 

Good story!

[SidLyon]

If this was a legitimate story, and you work in a law firm you shouldn't have revealed it happened at work. You'd should know that from a corporate and legal standpoint you are taking a hell of a risk. This could all be traced back and land you in a pot of hot water... where you could find yourself facing your own lawsuit from your employer. Confidentiality clauses and all..

 

So it's an interesting anecdote that may or may not be factual, but only really points out how stupid it is to get involved with someone you work with.

You seem to know an awful lot about this affair. If you think it's so wrong... why didn't YOU tell the wife for all those months while it was flirtatious and building up?

 

You're story is full of holes, but makes excellent entertainment, much like the spooky bedtime stories told to frighten children into behaving. I always find it fascinating when these "beware" stories are posted, what is supposed to be accomplished by it? Nearly anyone that is having an affair has already thought through the repercussions, or else certainly should have.

 

Like you, I don't know if this is a true story or not. However the OP was at no particular legal/corporate/employment risk by revealing the story here on LS. It seems it's pretty well public knowledge within the local legal community anyway (if it's true).

 

Wherever did you get the idea that there is some risk?

 

Good example of possible consequences of getting involved at work though...

[dhcp]

Like you, I don't know if this is a true story or not. However the OP was at no particular legal/corporate/employment risk by revealing the story here on LS. It seems it's pretty well public knowledge within the local legal community anyway (if it's true).

 

Wherever did you get the idea that there is some risk?

 

Good example of possible consequences of getting involved at work though...

 

It's a real story, it was at my firm, I was one of the recipients of the email that morning and I was one of the (many) people that were involved in the electronic discovery after it happened trying to understand the impact. It wasn't one of those friend-of-a-friend stories, it really happened, I was there first-hand, knew both the people involved as they were both out of my home office.

 

There were other parts to the story I didn't mention, like he had her flown out and put up in a hotel to "assist" him on a trial he was doing, had a firm-paid blackberry (ugh, blackberry) assigned to her despite paralegals didn't normally get them so he could communicate with her privately, etc.

 

While pretty a pretty bad story, I'm surprised people question it's validity, it's not too crazy of a story, more of a shocker to us because we all knew him and the vindictiveness of her husband.

[Decorative]

Funny, I couldn't imagine being accused of making up the story. I'm one of a thousand there and every large firm on the west coast knows the story, it was out of control. Our mail gateway to the internet was shut down while they tried to make an outbound filter to stop the forwarding but that was an hour later and it was too late. I didn't know that the affair was happening before it occurred and frankly would have never thought this guy would have been straying, it made me realize that you just can't tell who might be cheating out there.

 

I didn't know about it in advance but I did know a lot of the details after it happened. I'm not exposing myself, it's a story that spread like fire and while a shocker to me since it happened at our firm, it's hardly the first like that.

 

Not sure what "holes" are in the story. I know the story from the moment that email arrived to everyone to after he was walked out the door.

 

Since I write confidentiality agreements I am pretty sure I understand when I'm crossing the line. I have not named names or otherwise given identifiable information that could lead you any further than speculation.

 

But I'd love to hear these "holes" in the story if you would legitimately like clarification.

 

Not to mention? The truth is the best defense. LOL

[frozensprouts]

This is an interesting story, and it reminds me of a thread that was on here a while back about whether or not people care if someone is having an affair...

seems , at least in this instance, they did.

 

Goes to show a few things...

(a) once something is out there in cyberspace, you really do lose control of it

(b) no matter what your social position or career may be, people seem to love gossip

© maybe people are not as accepting of affairs as some would like to believe...otherwise, why would this email have garnered so much attention?

(d) if you don't want to have your actions come back to bite you in the rear, then stop doing them or don't even start doing them in the first place

(e) some people can be really stupid, and some can be really manipulative

[Cb3657]

I have no trouble believing this, I work for a multinational(not law) and I think the response would be the same. Get rid of the manager transfer the junior, It would be assumed that the manager had culpability and had taken advantage of his position even if a investigation showed otherwise he/she should have known better.

It always surprises me when people don't believe these consequence stories, I know there is definitely people who don't wish to believe there will ever be a consequence but really after you get to a certain level the most important part of your job is managing people and relationships. I cannot think of anything more destructive to a good working group than one if them in a affair with married manager. No conspicicy required.

[Artie Lang]

i think we got off topic.

 

let's just leave it at "you can get fired for cheating in the workplace."

[Just a Guy]

So did the Stock Broker divorce his cheating paralegal of a wife?

[Cb3657]

If anyone thinks this lady did not have consequences they are mistaken, this lady will carry this story in every job at this firm as well as any new job she goes to. If I was her manager I would be very careful about any work she did or having her represent me or our business anywhere, anytime never mind promotions, she may have been promoted or transferred to avoid a lawsuit but where does her next career development come from.

I also find it somewhat hilarious that people like to find conspiricies everywhere, I am a conservative but talk radio in the states has everyone believing that everything is a deep dark conspricy done in the darkest of nights. In my life I have seen so few actual times that people conspire to do something wrong that I cannot credit real thinking people with believing these things. Why not use the razor of truth- the simplest explanation is the most likely, generally the simplest explanation is a person (or several people) making a error, instead everything is 5- 50 people getting toghether to hide or deliberatly do something wrong. which is more likely?

Edited November 11, 2012 by Cb3657
crap spelling

[Snowflower]

If anyone thinks this lady did not have consequences they are mistaken, this lady will carry this story in every job at this firm as well as any new job she goes to. If I was her manager I would be very careful about any work she did or having her represent me or our business anywhere, anytime never mind promotions, she may have been promoted or transferred to avoid a lawsuit but where does her next career development come from.

 

I was actually kind of surprised to get to the end of the OP's story and read that the paralegal kept her job and got a promotion while the attorney got walked out the door.

 

Why did she get away with it, while he was fired? She was equally in the wrong. She wasn't some innocent victim here...she played with fire too. Unless some further evidence comes out that he had been sexually harassing her or something, uh no, she was just as culpable.

[dhcp]

So did the Stock Broker divorce his cheating paralegal of a wife?

 

Yes indeed. We saw her getting in and out of a new BMW 8-series with some older guy for lunch a few times, guessing she is back at it.

[dhcp]

I was actually kind of surprised to get to the end of the OP's story and read that the paralegal kept her job and got a promotion while the attorney got walked out the door.

 

Why did she get away with it, while he was fired? She was equally in the wrong. She wasn't some innocent victim here...she played with fire too. Unless some further evidence comes out that he had been sexually harassing her or something, uh no, she was just as culpable.

 

That's a good question - when it all blew up there was a real witch hunt going on and they were having the IT department restoring old emails from tape, looking at the blackberry phone records, everything. The only thing I can think is that he used his influence and had her flown around to "work" on trials he was in and put up at hotels, had her issued a firm blackberry, etc. Maybe that was what swayed the decision, plus he is one of the "faces" of the firm and high profile.

 

We were all surprised by the announcement about her being promoted to a new position - odd because it wasn't that common for someone at that level to get a world-wide email notice about their promotion and it was kind of a quasi-position that hadn't existed before.

 

The only thing we could figure is that maybe she played some card that he had pressured her or something. I saw some of the original emails from the stuff they had restored for us to review - he was super forward and open to her about their relationship, she was super-duper coy, almost as if she knew someone might read it someday.

 

But it's all speculation. In any case he made a terrible decision that will have lifelong repercussions and as a previous poster said, she will always be under scrutiny and somewhat of an HR third-rail, nobody will feel comfortable around her and the legal community is a pretty small one, everyone talks and if she moves to another firm the story will follow.

[road]

I was actually kind of surprised to get to the end of the OP's story and read that the paralegal kept her job and got a promotion while the attorney got walked out the door.

 

Why did she get away with it, while he was fired? She was equally in the wrong. She wasn't some innocent victim here...she played with fire too. Unless some further evidence comes out that he had been sexually harassing her or something, uh no, she was just as culpable.

 

 

Even is she was willing and not harassed.

 

Whether or not she was willing to sleep her way to the top the thing is she most likely played that she only did it because she was afraid for her job.

 

That fake promotion was done because it was cheaper then paying out millions in a law suit.

 

She most likely will never recieve any more promotions. raises will be just enough to keep her from suing. She most likely will not want to leave because her rep will make it hard to get a good job and not match her current salary.

 

This firm will walk the fine line to keep from future wrongful termination lawsuits while turning enough cold shoulder to get her to quit.

[GorillaTheater]

Even is she was willing and not harassed.

 

Whether or not she was willing to sleep her way to the top the thing is she most likely played that she only did it because she was afraid for her job.

 

That fake promotion was done because it was cheaper then paying out millions in a law suit.

 

She most likely will never recieve any more promotions. raises will be just enough to keep her from suing. She most likely will not want to leave because her rep will make it hard to get a good job and not match her current salary.

 

This firm will walk the fine line to keep from future wrongful termination lawsuits while turning enough cold shoulder to get her to quit.

 

The cynical way of dealing with this is to give her one pretty good job evaluation, a small raise, then find a reason to fire her after a year or so. You've broken the legal nexus between any alleged harrassment and her termination. That, too, happens all the time.