Daisy926 Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 (edited) I won't go on and on about my story and will try to keep it brief (I have other posts from before) Basically I am 34 and have been with my husband since I am 16. We have been married for about 4 years. Basically I feel I need a break. I do not want to make him feel bad but this has been a one way relationship on my part. I feel deep down I always knew but as I am getting older I realize I am not happy and need more for myself. The problem is I feel I care and love him more than myself. If I think of ending it I just worry about him. He has not been there for me emotionally, financially, etc. I carry all the burden. People say well there must have been love... well I don't know I was a kid and it just kept on. If I think back we are on a terrible cycle and now financially it is coming to a head. All the burden is on me as it always has been. I have tried to talk to him telling him how unhappy I have been, asking for marriage counselling to which I was ignored and told no. I feel my best bet is to move on with my life, no kids can start fresh and part of me is over all of it already. Now he is saying he wants to go to counselling. I feel I owe it to our relationship but at the same time the core of my issues is we have nothing in common, do not communicate, have the same goals and values. We have never had any of that in my opinion. I know I am not giving enough example but basically he doesn't do much, sure he is working now but never had a steady job or income, its always been me. Now getting older realizing 10 years ago I went bankrupt now a possible foreclosure. He smokes weed and acts like a thug or a kid still. I am over that. I complain he plays too much PS3 (I don't even mind it that much) his answer well you brought it for me. I feel more like his mother than I do a wife. Now that he finally sees I am serious he wants to talk about counselling. (he has said no the past few months) Sure I will go but where were you the last few years. He is saying I ruined his life and how could I do this now. I am SICK of the guilt. Anyone I know feels he has given me nothing. I don't want to make him feel small but I do know I would be better on my own. I am afraid if I don't leave I will always have this feeling. I have felt it on and off for years and I am not getting any younger. This may sound harsh or not enough reasoning. Trying not to write a book but feel free to respond. I am curious for any and all advice. The main thing I am wondering is should you go to marriage counselling if you are pretty much done. Thanks for letting me vent - lots on my plate. Edited November 10, 2012 by Daisy926
aMguilts Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 hi Daisy926 I`l just reply to this post from you, cos it`s the most recent. Go to MC, but only if you want to at least try and save your marriage. If you are totally done ( like you say you are) then save your time,effort and money and not bother. Also , he must of seen that you were pretty much done with the marriage? Was it then that he started making an effort? Too little too late for you? One thing that also intrigues me about your realationship was that you were together for 14 years before you decided to get married, but then after just 4, it`s nigh on over? Please please don`t think i`m judging or having a go at you. I`ve studied a lot, and you`d be amazed at how many women , after being with a partner for so long, get married and then the `spark` seems to go. NOT saying this is the case with you though He is saying you have ruined his life? OK, my view on it , no you haven`t. You`ve given him a `WAKE UP` call. And he doesn`t like it!!! He is no longer in HIS comfort zone..ie, playing games on ps3( or whatever) and generally `lazing` about while you do all the work. NO wonder you are fed up with this guy! But, having said that, there was something there once. You BOTH owe it to each other to rekindle that love. Good luck Daisy926 aM 1
Author Daisy926 Posted November 10, 2012 Author Posted November 10, 2012 I guess one of my questions is is marriage counselling only to bring you back together or prove that you are not meant to be. Making it easier to explain what I am feeling to him.
aMguilts Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 I guess one of my questions is is marriage counselling only to bring you back together or prove that you are not meant to be. Making it easier to explain what I am feeling to him. hi again daisy. Forgive me if i`m wrong , but i think you`ve already made your mind up? aM 1
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