Hurt Irish guy Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 hi everybody i am hurt Irish guy and i am looking for some advice and hopefully some support as i am pretty much on my knees at the moment and i just dont know what to do. So i am going to start at the beginning with this so bear with me it is kind of long. So last august my girlfriend (of 4 and a halve years at this time) and i were having a pretty bad time and due to constant infighting and bickering which was a lot to do with my behaviour she ended it. the evening prior to ending it with me she had arrived at my house with a present for me and proceeded to sit and chat and cuddle into me as if nothing was on the horizon and even mentioned to me that she could not stay with me as one of her good girl friends had just broken up with her boyfriend. Now i think in anyone book this is not exactly the best way to end a relationship but i forgave the manner that it had been conducted in and knew if i tried hard i would get her back which i did. We got back together on the premise that i would cut out my bad behaviour (which i did and she is more than willing to admit the same) , i would stop trying to live in the future and she would stop living in the past. For the next 4 months(of which bar one night a week i lived with her) things were as good as it had ever been and i can truly say that i was never so happy and so was she. Due to commitments in her college(she was doing a masters) she had to move home with her parents. Within 1 month (end of febuary) of moving back to her parents i was summoned to her house by text message with the outline of what she was doing when the masters was finished. I sensed at this stage that something was amiss and on reaching the house i was told that she would be heading to Canada for at least a year. On hearing this i was at first taken aback and secondly hurt beyond belief but i understood that she needed to do this to find out more about her self and that she deserved it with the amount of work that she had put in to all of her college work. now i would be a lier if i said that i was not 100% ok with this but i understood it all.(on a side note to all the guys reading this would you be ok if she told you that she was going with two guys?????????? but that is just a side note) on hearing this i said ok lets just be with each other until you go i also tried my utmost to involve me and us in this process but it was just that it as me trying to involve us!!! i dealt with this and said ok that it will happen with out me but still stayed with her and and tried to pick up the pieces of the relationship. now her going away was supposed to be in november. a few weeks or maby a month later we sat down and talked about this again and i was then informed that she was ot gong to go to Canada until after the coming christmas (ie)march or something around that. but that she may go to france to try work in a resort for the season. i said ok that gives us time to both be with us and to give us time to separate on an emotional level. now i was delighted with this and could not have been happier with it. over a month ago after i had done all the references for her thesis i again was sat down and then informed that she had been offered a job in a skie resort for the season(but was not informed that the job had been excepted)on talking to her about this i was dumfonded and could not believe that she was again changing the goals again on me, so i decided to end it but in retaliation to this she decided that she would not go. so again i was happy that we had time together but i realized that i was an issue in this! on personal debate over the issue i came to the conclusion that missing out on this would be an absolute mistake so i told her this ad she said 'thanks'!!! a few days ago i collected her from when she had been visiting friends ad she told me she had to go to England to set up a bank account for this job...i was a bit taken aback as no confirmation had been given to me that the job had been excepted other than 'thanks'. so on hearing this i said nothing and held my feelings and waited to see what the outcome would be in all this. So this wensday i dropped her to the airport and on collecting her later that day i asked "do you have anything that you need to say to me or talk to me about" and she said what about me going away and that was the conformation that i received that a 5 and a halve year relationship had ended and that the love of my life was moving out of the country and that this relationship was over!!!! Now i hope some of you have read all of this because i have to get it out in the open and vent some of this. please tell me what i am to do hear please tell me what you think of all this!! am i wrong in feeling extremely hurt and i wrong to fell unloved by this person?? i realise this is a one sided story but in your judgement am i in the wrong hear please tell me you true feelings are i need some help hear i am in pieces over this my world has fallen apart and i just dont know what i can possibly do to move my life forward!!!
River Rain Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 I read it all. First of all, nobody "deserves" to be dumped. Don't let it become a self-esteem beating because there are reasons for every break up. Objectively...you tried to deny her a few times doing what was important to her. Education and a fun job...you should have been supportive of these things, because you want her happiness. I understand you'd miss her, but she is showing her independence and needs to follow her own path. This could have caused her to resent you and thus the abrupt end to things. But really, who knows? We always try to look for reasons and get this "closure" that doesn't really exist. I took my ex back, things were going well for about the first 5 days back together, one day he told me he loved me, then he disappeared and I never heard from him again. First thing you need to do is grieve your loss and not blame yourself. You need to accept it's over too, so that you can do everything in your power to move on. It's hard to do, but we've all been through it. I find posting on here helps too. It's a distraction but it also gives me an opportunity to see how others are coping, which inspires me to keep moving ahead.
Author Hurt Irish guy Posted November 10, 2012 Author Posted November 10, 2012 i was supportive every time she came to me and said that she wanted to go, i never asked her to stay i never stood in her way i told her you have my support and that you deserve to go and presue all of these things. i could not have been more supportive to her and in truth i am still being supportive to her. but their has been a total lack of communication from her side i feel like i have been propping up this relationship for over 12months. why did we get back with each other and decide to take the relationship forward last august for her to then change her mind and decide that no actually i don't want you and i am going travelling on my own???? how can you go from living with some one to deciding that no i am cutting you out of my life in the space of one month!!! i honestly beleve she used me to get her through her last year of college and is now saying thanks but **** you i am out of hear
River Rain Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 i was supportive every time she came to me and said that she wanted to go, i never asked her to stay i never stood in her way i told her you have my support and that you deserve to go and presue all of these things. i could not have been more supportive to her and in truth i am still being supportive to her. but their has been a total lack of communication from her side i feel like i have been propping up this relationship for over 12months. why did we get back with each other and decide to take the relationship forward last august for her to then change her mind and decide that no actually i don't want you and i am going travelling on my own???? how can you go from living with some one to deciding that no i am cutting you out of my life in the space of one month!!! i honestly beleve she used me to get her through her last year of college and is now saying thanks but **** you i am out of hear But you ended it when you found out about the ski resort didn't you? That's what I meant by supportive. I know you two found your way back, but that's something, that if my bf were to do to me, would cause me to resent him. I don't know that it's why she dumped you, only she knows the true reason, I was just trying to offer insight. You're probably going to hurt for some time, but I hope you can try to move on and find someone to love.
Liz2012 Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 The problem when someone wants to explore the world is you either have to be able to go with them and join them or this can happen. she really wants to go explore and sounds like you've not offered to go - perhaps you can't because of work etc, which is fine, but ultimately it sounds like she wants to do this more than sacrifice doing it to be with you. Unfortunately. I think you care a lot about her.
Author Hurt Irish guy Posted November 10, 2012 Author Posted November 10, 2012 thanks lizz yes i genuinely do care for her and perhaps i care for her too much. absolutely no reason that i could not join this i have tried repeatedly to get involved and shown her different ways that i can be part of it all but she just seems like she has put up a wall that i cant get over around or under
Author Hurt Irish guy Posted November 10, 2012 Author Posted November 10, 2012 i had to end it rain she had booked all of this without ever telling me that yes i have excepted the job and the relationship is over, she is going in 7days it was 10 days when she told me but she has changed her mind since the 16th of last month!!!!! what els can i do i have been sistimaticaly cut out of the relationship what would you do??
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