She ended it with me because she'd had enough of the relationship; what's next?

[stylishmissy]

This may be quite long. Any thoughts or opinion are appreciated.

 

My ex and I of two years broke up about a week ago now. She ended it with me because she'd basically had enough of the relationship. Reason being is i suffer from mental health issues that affected us on and off, which sadly came between our relationship. We've never been incompatible by any means, it was just these issues of mine which were mostly affecting us.

 

 

My mind was in the way of us, i didn't know how to manage these thoughts i kept having all the time lately, what i mean by thoughts - thinking my partner was doing this and that, and all that stuff. It reached a point where i became incredibly frustrated each time we were apart talking over the computer, because it was worse online. When we were together it seemed fine mostly, but due to my terrible understanding of communication over a computer with my loved one, we'd argue. I ended it a couple of times because i couldn't deal it myself and to be honest i didn't know what the hell i was saying during those frustrations from my head. Shamly i handled my mind poorly, only because i didn't know how to handle it. The worst about it is i've waited literally months for someone to help me deal my problems as i've struggled it all alone, and even now i'm waiting for the help!

 

As hard as it was to handle, i just needed her by me through it which anyone would through hard times. I understood she couldn't keep her patience with it, but i believe there are things we could have done to reduce it all whilst i was waiting for help. Things such as: not speaking on Facebook for a while until we meet, perhaps me going off to sort them or sit and have space to try and handle them better. The last day we met she was the same lovey self towards me, and even though deep down the issues were affecting us both, that never altered the love between us. When she said after the meeting she needed space i gave it to her and she did say she does feel the same for me, and that she would return after having the space from it all. But then, two days later she told me she realized she can't come back. I understand she must have been feeling confusion, anger etc towards it all, but i couldn't understand how suddenly, three days after we met she no longer loves or wants me anymore. No doubt she would have felt relief being away from dealing the issues she'd had enough of, as was i.

 

However that space helped me to go away and handle these thoughts and deal it better. It was such a shame she had dropped out like this of a two year relationship when i am due to be receive help soon. I know people would tell me she just couldn't deal getting angry and losing her patience constantly over the computer, but deep down we had something so special and good underneath this. It angers me that i've sat here dealing this alone for months, completely being ignored and not given support to help me, which has resulted in the break up and more stress. But anyway, next thing i did was a few days after was contact her just saying hi and that, and i instantly sensed anger towards me, she'd previously said a few days before that she does love me some when she broke up with me. However the day i messaged her a few days after the break up she was at peace without me, block capitals that she does't want or love me, that it was the best thing breaking up with me, that i am screwed up etc. I knew this was all anger.

 

So, i left it another four days without contacting her, and from there she has blocked me off everything and wont even talk to me at all now. I know i cannot hold hopes for her to return as she has in the past, but i would love to have some idea to why she wont speak to me or doesn't even care anymore. I get some impression she may be in denial to how she does feel towards me, and may be convincing herself she is better off without me, whereby blocking me off from everywhere is her stubborn way to act like this, maybe? I'm trying not to dwell too much, but i am completely confused. I don't know whether it's even possible in two weeks time she realizes what's gone, sees me for who i am again, and realizes that after i'd been given help i'd have managed it all better. There were no other issues really.

 

 

I'm just struggling.

Edited November 10, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[KatZee]

Honestly, the way you acted with her is extremely frustrating and obnoxious in a relationship. I think you just kept at it, and kept chipping away pieces of the relationship and it eventually became too much for her.

 

You say that because of your "mental issues" you had trust issues... well that's great and all but none of that is her problem. It's not her job to coddle you, always have to reassure you, prove herself, or defend herself on a daily basis when you freak out.

 

That kind of behavior will just kill any relationship.

 

And you say you have these issues but what have you done about it? You should probably be talking to someone. A counselor for therapy.

[River Rain]

Mental health issues or not, she didn't just all of a sudden stop loving you. People reach their thresholds of patience. It's nice to think that someone will stick by you during rough times, but some people just don't want the responsibility of taking on the therapist role either. I have depression, but I don't let it get involved in my relationships ever. If I know something triggers it, I avoid that trigger. I was also intent on healing myself before getting into a romantic relationship because I knew it would be unfair to my partner if I wasn't in a place where I could manage it. I think you need to back off and take care of yourself now, because you already know the things you've done that pushed her away.

 

I think you're making your realizations too little too late at this point, because she's made it clear she doesn't want you to contact her. You refuse to accept the truth in that, thinking she's being stubborn or in denial. The more you try to force contact, the more she'll resent you.

[stylishmissy]

No, she shouldn't have to you're right, but it really wasn't my fault either that i sat here not being given therapy or counseling. I've sat trying for months to get help with it and have got nowhere! I wasn't deliberately causing her the tail end of the issues because i loved her. I would never hurt anybody on purpose. She knew who i was at heart to have stuck by me, i'm not a bad person by any means, i just have issues which were part of mental illness that i struggle with.

[River Rain]

No, she shouldn't have to you're right, but it really wasn't my fault either that i sat here not being given therapy or counseling. I've sat trying for months to get help with it and have got nowhere! I wasn't deliberately causing her the tail end of the issues because i loved her. I would never hurt anybody on purpose. She knew who i was at heart to have stuck by me, i'm not a bad person by any means, i just have issues which were part of mental illness that i struggle with.

 

Sometimes people who have mental health disorders don't realize how needy/manipulative they are being, I speak from experience and hindsight. You may not have done anything on purpose, but obviously she did have enough. It's not your fault that you have to wait for help, I had to wait 6 months before I got an "emergency" appointment with a shrink. I think it's important that you respect her wishes to stop all contact, get the help when it's available, work on yourself, and then if you want to, contact her again when you're well.

[stylishmissy]

It's alright to question what i did about it though, it wasn't by any means my fault that i had to sit here struggling and regardless of how both myself and even my dad went along to state i needed help with my problems, no one listened. Anyone would become angry being left to sit there dealing something they can't. Sadly it will affect others, unless there's knowing of how to deal it, which sadly i struggled with. When it comes to it, neither of us deserved to be suffering what we were and no one can really feel it as bad as the person that has the mind with the problem. She had trust issues a bit herself, she wasn't perfect either on her side with things, i'd say it was more insecurity with me and general poor handling of it all.

[stylishmissy]

Sometimes people who have mental health disorders don't realize how needy/manipulative they are being, I speak from experience and hindsight. You may not have done anything on purpose, but obviously she did have enough. It's not your fault that you have to wait for help, I had to wait 6 months before I got an "emergency" appointment with a shrink. I think it's important that you respect her wishes to stop all contact, get the help when it's available, work on yourself, and then if you want to, contact her again when you're well.

 

 

 

Yup, you're right i do need to focus on that.

She was always honest with me, i know we didn't split because of neediness, although i can understand what you're saying, when you're struggling with a problem and you're not being given help, all you want is for your loved ones by you to help you.