lele1981 Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 (edited) Hi guys, I am new to this forum, well, any forum that is so here it goes, hope i don't bore you too much!... At the beginning of the year i met someone only a week after my ex and i broke up, lets call him mr 1. He knew from the start that i was still heartbroken and not wanting to commit, he was happy to be intimate and nothing else. We had agreed that we were casual, nothing more, nothing less. 6 months on and we are still seeing each other, we have both still maintained that a casual thing is still what we are happy with for the time being , its easy and there are no complications, he does not ask questions about others and i don't ask either. Anyway, backtracking a few months back, I met this guy randomly out one night, lets call him mr 2. We spoke for a bit and had a laugh and i didn't think anything serious of it as mr 1 met me out and mr 2 disappeared into the night. Next weekend i was at the same place and mr 2 and i bumped into each other, we had a laugh and he enquired as to where mr 1 'my boyfriend' was. I was honest and told him that i was not taken but simply seeing mr 1 casually, i told him i was newly single and trying to embrace it for as long as i can. That night mr 2 and i sat for the whole night talking and laughing, we ware in a busy club but to be honest i didn't notice anyone else around me the whole night. i have never laughed so much and been so impressed by how funny, witty and kind he was, he even lent me his jumper as it was winter and he sat around freezing the whole night, poor guy! I dropped him home and i offered his jumper back, he said that he wanted to take me out and by me keeping his jumper that meant i would have to return it so therefore i had to give him my number... Anyway, needless to say i was on cloud 9 that night, i can't pinpoint why he was different but i knew he was something special. As we got to know each other i found out that he was going overseas for 2 months so that left me 2 months to spend time with him and get to know him more. It seemed like we used to spend all of our time together, i have never fallen for someone so fast and so hard, just the thought of the night we met makes me smile. i continued to see mr 1 but so much of my time was taken up by mr 2 that mr 1 was not really in the picture that much. After one month of seeing mr 1 we had both agreed that we were falling in love with each other, he was sacred as he was going OS and did not expect to have feelings for someone like this before he left. We agreed that as good as it was it was going to be too hard for both parties when he was gone so it was then that we decided not to see each other anymore, if the feelings were still there when he got back then we would pick up from where we left. It was hard for me as i was dealing with emotions from my break up and questioning if these feelings were real, months on i feel the same so they must of been. It was a hard month knowing that mr 2 was around the corner from me but i could not see him. I didn't hear from him until he was OS, he called me one morning from Spain and told me he could not stop thinking about me. From then on we were in contact quite frequently, i didn't want him to look back and think that i had spoiled his holiday calling him all the time so i let him come to me. He would tell me that he missed me, wanted us to be together when he got back, wanted me to move in and so on. I liked this idea in my heart but my head told me to wait and see what happens when he gets back, to take things slow. So while he was gone i continued to casually see mr 1, we both agreed that it was a little more than casual but we enjoyed each others company and were both happy to see other people if we wish. So about three weeks ago mr 2 got back from his holidays, he told me he was sad his holidays had come to an end but excited to see me. We hung out regularly the first week mr 2 got back and he was persistent in mentioning us being exclusive and our life together. Then one day just over a week since he was back he told me that he didn't want commitment and he didn't want to lead me on, he told me i was a fun person and that he would like to be friends...? This was so left field and I was shocked to say the less and didn't know how to react so i walked out of his house and have not seen him since. I asked him that day why? what has changed? He said that he had a good think and was not ready? He said that when i mentioned in conversation about us being together he thought about it more in depth and freaked out. So my dilemma is... There is something about him that has been different to anyone that i have ever met and i can't stop thinking about him. I want to see him and tell him how i feel but if he has made up his mind is me chasing him going to change that? Would i come across as a crazed lover? Should i leave it or try something, anything? Was he annoyed that i was seeing other people? I mean i was honest with both parties and have never lied or try to hide anything, he knew that if he said the word i would of left mr 1 go but he was going OS so?...! I know what he was saying to me OS he felt, i can't think of a reason why he would make it up? if it was to get me to bed, well he already did that (oops) so I'm sure thats not it? What do you folks think is the best thing to do, walk away or try to talk to him? For those of you who take out the time to read this, thank you, I know its longwinded but i didn't want to leave anything out Edited November 10, 2012 by lele1981
jwhite Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 Sounds like you have to focus on being alone for a while. Find yourself and quit trying to fill the void.
theLWord Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 The red flag that really stands out for me is you met mr 1 only one week after your last break up. Then you get with mr 2 at the same time, casual or not, you seem to always have someone there. Maybe mr 2 decided he could be casual with you as well since you did with mr 1. Why commit if he is getting all the perks? My advice is, you can't change the fact that mr 2 isn't ready for a relationship, chasing him might push him further away. What decision are you able to make regarding that relationship if he doesn't want it, that's decided. I think you should decide why you didn't spend time alone before getting into something, casual or not. Some alone time figuring out yourself might do you some good.
Author lele1981 Posted November 10, 2012 Author Posted November 10, 2012 (edited) I am not one to jump from one relationship to the other at all... I am in my 30's and have only had 3 relationships in my dating life, so i guess i have spent alot of my time single and thats been ok with me. believe me i was shocked also as to when i met these guys so quickly after i was single, normally i am a mess and prefer to stay a recluse for months. I guess what was differed this time is that i had learned from past experiences and refused to let the breakup get the better of me, i made sure i was out of the house and kept myself busy. Anyway to sum it up i guess i know that it wouldn't of mattered what he had told me in the end, the fact of the matter is that he wants out, its over and i really need to move on, easier said than done right? I just wish he had never lead me to believe he wanted something more all this time... Edited November 10, 2012 by lele1981
Cb3657 Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 Sorry, your dating two guys at the same time and are heartbroken that one of them told he doesn't want to be serious? I have gone through times in my life where I was dating more than one person but I never treated as anything other than having fun, this is due to the fact that I had no real respect for these people so how could it be serious? If you get deeply involved with either how do you think that person would feel if he read your original post after dating for a year. Circumstances matter, if you want to be serious, be serious, but I would start with a new candidate since starting long term with either of these guys is likely to end badly.
Recommended Posts