MrCastle Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 Has this ever happened to anyone? You lose attraction for someone based off who they're dating or have dated in the past? Why do you think this is? Are you able to get past it? In my experience, you can tell a lot about someone based on who they date/have dated. I don't think I've knowlingly dated anyone who's dating history I didn't approve of. I guess for me, I create an image in my head of the kind of guys a girl has dated, and if I'm ever presented with the history, and it's not what I expected, I can't help but think "really? that guy? you slept with that guy? him??" It's a mental block I can't seem to shake. This doesn't just lend itself to physical aspects, but personality flaws as well. If a girl is telling me a story about how her last bf cheated on her 5 times and she stuck with him, I'm not thinking "wow, what a strong, loyal woman," I'm thinking "ugh, how can she stay with that loser for that long? she has issues." Anyone else have trouble with this?
KraftDinner Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 I do know what you mean. My bf is, in my opinion, an amazing person and a great catch. But his ex...oh wow. She's SO unattractive, first off. Terrible teeth, big bug eyes...and my bf is quite cute. But of course looks aren't everything. Thing is, her looks would be...overlooked, haha, if her personality was any good. But she's such a loser. Always trying to act 'cool' but just isn't, speaks with that 'vocal fry' teenybooper voice, uses a totally fake personality to try to hang out with more 'popular' people (and she is well beyond high school). It really makes me wonder. He has said he doesn't think she's all that pretty and that almost everything about her irritated him. He actually said 'I couldn't stand her personality.' They had a bad sex life. His mom hated her (and likes me!). But they were together 3 years! It ended because she cheated, and he said he was relieved. It's such a mystery why he was with her! He agrees, haha. It really makes me wonder sometimes what this means about him. I still think he's incredible though. And I can't help but think: when you look at my last boyfriend, many would wonder why the hell I bothered with him. What does that say about me? I don't even know. So I'm really in no position to judge my bf, haha. 1
Author MrCastle Posted November 10, 2012 Author Posted November 10, 2012 Yes, Castle. I feel the same way. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, I don't think I've ever had a situation where I saw or heard about a girl's ex and said "yeah, makes sense. I could see them together." It's always "him?? seriously? he had sex with her? for months?!?! what did she see in this guy?? wtfffff" Very off putting.
EasyHeart Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 The way I look at it, a woman doesn't exist until she meets me. Anything that happened before she met me is irrelevant. 3
SmileFace Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 My ex found it disgusting, yes his words exactly, that I dated someone from the middle east prior to him. So.... yeah I guess dating histories may matter to some. I personally don't care to know about a guys dating history have never asked. I only need our relationship together to determine our chances together.
january2011 Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 I don't like to see an extensive dating history - someone who has dated a lot of people, especially in a relatively short period of time. I don't want to be just another number in the line. It's a judgement call. If you are happy with your choices, the size of your dating pool and your "success" rate then that's really all that matters.
SmileFace Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 However I won't condone a guy putting down his ex - or always talking about her and bad about her. That shows me he hasn't moved on. Plus if someone is always talking bad about someone it shows me more about them than the other person. 1
iris219 Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 I try not to judge anyone based on their past, but it can be hard. I wouldn't be concerned about specific people they dated, but it would raise an eyebrow if I noticed certain patterns, like a 40 year old who only dated 20 year olds or a man who chose to never have a committed relationship. I would probably steer clear of someone whose dating/relationship behavior was something I consider unsavory or don't agree with. I still have pictures of my ex and I on FB and I've had several dates tell me how good looking he is. One said it was intimidating that he was that attractive!
Minka333 Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 I could relate. It has affected my perception with the men i've dated in the past.* Those had higher standards when it came to their past choice of women, had more value in my eyes..compared to those whose mentality is that any pussy will do.
xdahliax Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 It doesn't really affect my perception of the guy because I feel that I'm also quite versatile in who I associate with. I have no problem hanging around with people that others see as weird, or stuck up, or anything. If they're kind, I usually get along with them. So it's only fair for me to extend that freedom to others for who they associate with. I have to say, though, that I like seeing what an ex-girlfriend looks like just to compare myself to her. If I'm not dating the guy yet and I know who he dated, I'll often think "he dated her? oh, well then I have a shot..." or if she is the complete opposite in stature and size, I'll think "I might not be his type". It won't stop me from flirting, but I'll expect a less positive outcome. I think it's been a pretty effective tool.
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