SER Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 Just when I posted about being strong and staying NC not a couple hours ago, he goes and sends me an e-mail. [Enter large sigh and facepalm here.] What he said: "I tried on Facebook, but it wouldn’t let me, so… poke. I hope you’re doing well." When we broke up and on his way out, I asked him what he wanted to do as far as contact goes (because at some point I would like a friendship as we both are great at stimulating each other mentally and we've also known each other since high school initially as friends before we started dating years later). He told me something along the lines of "I think no contact because it would just be too hard." He paused a moment. "Yea... it would definitely be too hard." So I have honored his wishes and also stayed NC for my own recovery/moving on. I've read a couple of other recent threads today... one in which was to have a kind reply along the lines of "I am glad you are concerned but I really think we should stay NC" and the other just plainly not responding. I tend to side with the kinder approach because I'm just not ruthless. What do I say to him? Are you really ready to have contact, because I don't think that's a great idea? Or should I talk to him and tell him that maybe we should extend NC for several months and then start talking again? I don't want to be rude, but at the same time I don't want to halt my progress over the past 3 weeks or my future progress. I also don't want to make him feel like crap because he is still a human being and he didn't DO anything to me, we just were not compatible. But it is clear to me that I'm not ready to talk to him again, I just need help in how to phrase it I think that makes it best for both of us. Ugh WHY.
cavalier99 Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 (edited) DONT do it. If this email is messing with your serenity imagine how you will feel after you respond. It is a slippery slope. He will understand and probably wont think twice about not getting a response. Take care of yourself now, it is way to soon for contact. STAY NC Edited November 10, 2012 by cavalier99 1
cavalier99 Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 I just looked a your threads and saw you were the dumper. Sounds like it has been difficult for you as the dumper and I imagine it is even harder for him. So staying NC will be doing both of you a favor. Stay Strong. Being nice now wont help either of you.
Author SER Posted November 10, 2012 Author Posted November 10, 2012 You're right, it would make it harder for both of us. Although I do still feel like saying something along the lines of "you asked for NC and that's still best for both of us" because I don't want him to feel like I'm being rude or just dropped him without a care in the world. We had a very heartfelt goodbye, last long hug and kiss so I hope by staying NC he doesn't feel that I'm just blowing him off.
cavalier99 Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 Up to you. However even small acts of niceness sort of keep things bouncing around in your head and his. Like right now! He knows you are good person ect and you discussed NC already. It will delay healing some. But wont be the end of the world. Im not breaking NC for ANY reason until I'm 100 percent recovered and i was very clear about this. I told her ill call her maybe in a year and we can catch up. We ended on semi good terms also.
Author SER Posted November 10, 2012 Author Posted November 10, 2012 I think I might just do the same, tell him let's give it a year, let ourselves continue to move on, and the catch up. But NC after that since there will be no mistake of what I want, what's best for us, and what I'll stick to. Thanks for your input, it's really helped me think. It may set me back a little, but in the same I will also not feel like I'm being a bad person by shunning him without an explanation.
cavalier99 Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 Glad I could help. It might be the 1st time lol. If you really want to do it, sounds like a good plan to me if your decided. Id keep it very brief, professional. You dont want to start discussing things again what he is doing, feeling ect. I wish there was a rule book for things to say right after the breakup to avoid these situations. I broke NC number of times the 1st week as I refined how I felt what I though was best. You can wish him the best but Id convey is 100% over if you havent already (ie No hope what so ever), NC is best, and "maybe" in year or so YOU will call to catch up. Then Id block my Ex's number ecetera after this. Do you want to be looking at your phone/email again? All I know is that in my sistuation, whenever I was obsessing over a message and I didnt know what to do or felt Id be rude. I knew deep down that I was feeling weaker. Do whatever makes you feel stronger! This is the best giude for me. Even if it could be perceived as rude. Just my 2 cents Cavalierr99
dumbazz Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 I think I might just do the same, tell him let's give it a year, let ourselves continue to move on, and the catch up. But NC after that since there will be no mistake of what I want, what's best for us, and what I'll stick to. Thanks for your input, it's really helped me think. It may set me back a little, but in the same I will also not feel like I'm being a bad person by shunning him without an explanation. I don't know if you've already responded to him but not responding to 'poke' and 'hope you're doing well' isn't really shunning. There was nothing in his email that requires a response and you're not rude if you don't reply. He didn't say 'how are you?' or 'I hope you're doing well and wish we could talk.' I suggest you think about just ignoring it.
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