Aiteas Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 i grew up in a family that wasn't mine. they loved me cared for me and know me better than my own. sadly aside from my dad my family disliked me. i didn't have a mother either. i was young i had no idea why and still don't. i love this family more than anything. that being said. i grew to fall in love with one of my friends sisters. of course it started slow. we would actually fight all the time. and spend weeks without talking to each other because i would purposely make her feel stupid for acting immature. tho still being around her everyday. over years and years. i watched her grow. i influenced her. i gave her a sense of humor. i did nothing but care and give what i could to her. i made her a better person. when we would fight and she wouldn't talk to me id take it pretty harsh. this family consisted of a group of our very close friends. i started developing feelings for her. of course i told no one. before i consciously fell in love with her. her mother and her mothers friends would talk about how her and i were in love. at the time it was more or less nothing to me. tho i did like her. things fell apart for their family and i wasn't really able to be around for the better part of a year. in time her brother and my other best friend got a house together. i would go over there every weekend. she would come over maybe every other weekend and when she did we would sit together and be close. in time she came over as much as i did. i could tell she liked me. and i liked her. she would tell me things. of course this being the reason i knew she liked me. she would tell me she was ugly tell me her insecurities. i did nothing but comfort her. i fell in love. for those reasons and many more, for just being her self. she told me of the boy she liked. and how he didn't want to be with her so on so forth. i thought in my head he was just leading her on. eventually she told me to kiss her. i didn't want to i laughed and tried to play it off. 10 mins later i couldn't help my self. out of no where. her mother confronted me. told me she knew i loved her. she told me she new we were intimate told me to support her and told me she wanted me to marry her. i embraced this. i didn't care what anyone thought i didn't care if her brother would be pissed(he wasnt). her mother knew on pure intuition. of course it soon began to be a power struggle. she would talk to that guy still who led her on. i knew. but i wouldn't say anything i knew she would hang out with him i didn't care. eventually she told me she didn't want a relationship. and just wanted to be friends. i got pissed of course and told her after all of this i cant just be your friend she cried and so i fell in and we were together again(i guess). then it happened again and again and again. eventually i snapped and told her to stop leading me on. i would stop talking to her every time she did that and she would always tell me she missed me or i was on her mind all day. i did the NC thing. at this point i confronted her about this other guy. she said they are just friends blah blah blah. i told her i knew they would get to gather eventually. because its what she really wanted. after for not talking to her for 4 weeks. i thought i should try and reconnect with her to just be friends to do what she wanted. to give her power over me. and i was willing to just leave it at that. she then told me she didn't want to be my friend. that i hurt her to much and im too mean. i begged her for 3s days to not be that way and its fine. she told me to move on. so i didn't talk to her. for maybe 2 months. not to mention around this time 2 of my friends had kids and are now taking care of them non stop my other friend had left to college and her brother now lives with her and his gf. i was left alone. just after those 3 days she told her brothers gf about us and hell broke loose. i was told to keep away from her but i was still welcomed around. i was told many things by his gf. before she had known about us his gf wanted me to live with them and i wouldn't because of this girl. because **** wasn't right between us. i didn't give a **** what his gf said. but now another 2 months gone by and i sit alone all of the time. i went to their house out of respect for my friend because he wanted to see me. only to be treated like **** from his gf and to find out she is now with that boy that led her on. i kept my cool. kept my thoughts to myself. so i tell you all of this for what reason? i want to know how i can be the one that's second best to this guy. when i was the one that was always there. when i was the one who always cared. when i was the one who told her how beautiful she is. i feel completely shunned. i just love her so damn much. i have dreams of her constantly. in them we are always madly in love. how am i the bad guy? i realize shes a scorpio. they hate not having power. is that why? why she said she cant bring back those feelings for me. because i would let her have power over me? the night i went over there and that douche came over. i left without saying a word. tho i acted as if i didnt care at all, i did. this was week ago tomorrow. tho for some reason when he got there she started saying my name alot and talking to me and giving me attention. i wonder why? so what the **** do i do. do i NC and hope for what. or do a fight for whats mine. the family i belong to. im sorry to have said so much. and i know more or less everyone will give the same answers. i am aware that this is a lesson for me. i wasn't perfect i was mean and i do regret. and she is the only person who could have taught this to me simply cuz i could never care for another like her. this guys says he loves her. her brothers gf made it quite apparent to let me know they were to gather by blurting out they are in love and he loves her. i was furious. how the **** can he love her when he just broke up with 3 dif girls in the past year. how the **** does he even think he knows her. i do not trust this guy. im all about her happiness and i want more than anything to be the root of it all. but this guy is full of ****. and im not one to get in the way of a relationship. how do i get over her. i want her out of my head i want to not care anymore. how do i get over her when the only friends i have are her family's. i don't want to make new friends. sadly everyone in our town are a bunch of druggies and i want nothing to do with them. where the **** do i go. im just so lost. and i need help so damn bad. tomorrow is her birthday. do i go over there and respect her? or is just not going around respecting her? i feel if a do hell is going to break loose and im going to put my friends gf in her damn place along with this douche bag of a bf. im scared of what ill do if i go. GOD DAMNIT. aside from all that i haven't really talked to her for a good 4 to 5 months.
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