Sarahlee Posted August 4, 2004 Posted August 4, 2004 First of all I'd like to introduce myself. Im Sarah, 18 from East Midlands, UK. I live with my partner of two years Lee (46) and my lodger Joanne. I am a gay woman, very much in love with Lee. Okay, so here goes... I have had a severe depressive disorder for 5 years, I was abused both sexually and physically by my mother and father when I was younger. I dont have anything to do with my father, and my mother ran away 5 years ago, leaving no trace. Through growing up life has become harder, not in a usual way. A year ago I was diagnosed with Reactive Arthritis, I had to stop work. So, with a severe shortage of money, Lee and I decided we would offer a room to a friend of ours, just to help our income. Joanne has now moved in. The first weekend she was here, my partners son stayed one night here, due to an argument with his girlfriend. Joanne slept in the same bed as me so there was enough room. Lee was woking nights and came in at 7am the next morning. Lee slid in the bed in between Joanne and I. She wanted a threesome. I agreed, thinking....If this will stop the arguing between us and help us to boost our sex life then ok Im up for it. I never mentioned anything though, the thoughts were purely in my mind. The next thing I knew, Lee had turned her back to me and was cuddling Joanne. I began to feel a pang of jealousy and wound up sitting in the bathrom with my head down the loo, it made me sick to the stomach. I walked back into my bedroom to find Lee playing with Joanne's nipples, I ran straight back to the bathroom, same thing happened. I stayed out of the room and went downstairs, both of them followed and I played 'happy' for the rest of the day. Luckily, nothing happened. Since then I have been severely jealous, Lee wont talk about it, she just tells me to 'get over it'. I have no idea how to stop this jealousy and it is slowly beginning to eat into other things in my life. Leaving Lee is not an option, I truly love her with all my heart, but I desperately need to find a way of stopping these painful feelings. I hope someone replies, I need help, have tried all other neccessary means i.e the doctor, my psychiatrist, etc etc. Sorry to post it here, wasnt sure where else I should post it. Sarah x
Touch of Innocence Posted August 4, 2004 Posted August 4, 2004 You brought it upon yourself. When you agreed to have a threesome, for whatever reasons, you opened the door for this other woman to come into the relationship. You should have thought about it more thoroughly. I imagine it must have been painful when she gave her back to you because it's suppose to be a THREEsome, but like I said, you brought this on yourself. Now you better hope that she does not want it to happen again, which I doubt.
HoldOn Posted August 4, 2004 Posted August 4, 2004 Leaving Lee is not an option, I truly love her with all my heart, but I desperately need to find a way of stopping these painful feelings. What can I say then? You can't stop these painful feelings because you are in love with a person who doesn't care about you or your feelings. Have you considered that you should work on your issues before getting involved with anyone?
Author Sarahlee Posted August 4, 2004 Author Posted August 4, 2004 Yes of course I brought it on myself...did you not read my thread correctly?? This happened one morning, Lee got in bed...mentioned it to both Jo and myself, I never said a word...just kept thinking that if it made Lee hapy then ok...but I never ever said yes i want to, or if it makes you happy etc. I kept shtum, after ten minutes of Lee laying cuddling Jo not speaking to me I disappeared to the loo. So, now tell me its my fault No offense intended
HoldOn Posted August 4, 2004 Posted August 4, 2004 It is not entirely your fault. It IS their fault for being so insensitive. However, only you are responsible for your happiness. You cannot change other people. You can only control your repsonse to a situation. My response to a situation like this would be I would leave and live on my own for a while trying to figure out why I allowed myself to get into such an unhealthy relationship in the first place. You have every right to be jealous and you cannot turn that emotion off. Especially since your partner doesn't want to comfort you in any way. 99% of the people in the world would be upset by their partner fooling around with another person. Your emotions are caused by this situation, so get out of the situation. I know I am talking to a wall here because you'll never leave, but I guess I can try anyway.
EC Posted August 4, 2004 Posted August 4, 2004 OK wow a threesome is supposed to be with three people correct? Why didn't u join in the fun? Why didn't lee include you in the fun? You are jealous and will continue to feel that way unless you actually stop fooling yourself and do something about it. S*it if I was gay I'll be damned if my GF was in the bed cuddling somebody else while I was there! You need to snap out of it, no matter how much you love this woman she obviously doesn't care that she's hurting you and doesn't love you. You need to say Jo's out or I'm out.
HoldOn Posted August 4, 2004 Posted August 4, 2004 And gosh, the age difference is just astronomical! (18 and 46!!!!) I don't think this is a healthy relationship. I think you have some kind of mental illness, which you've already admitted "I have had a severe depressive disorder for 5 years, I was abused both sexually and physically by my mother and father when I was younger. I dont have anything to do with my father, and my mother ran away 5 years ago, leaving no trace. " And you are looking to your partner to support you in everything, when you should be learning to support yourself. Learn who you are. You are so young! Too young to be involved with this shiz-nit.
Touch of Innocence Posted August 4, 2004 Posted August 4, 2004 Originally posted by Sarahlee Yes of course I brought it on myself...did you not read my thread correctly?? This happened one morning, Lee got in bed...mentioned it to both Jo and myself, I never said a word...just kept thinking that if it made Lee hapy then ok...but I never ever said yes i want to, or if it makes you happy etc. I kept shtum, after ten minutes of Lee laying cuddling Jo not speaking to me I disappeared to the loo. So, now tell me its my fault No offense intended It is your fault, even if you did not literally say yes, you did not say no either. You could have easily prevented it by saying no. You have a mouth that enables you to speak your mind. If you would have said no maybe you would not feel hurt or jealous now. That's what usually happens when only one is willing to have a threesome, that is why you need to talk about it beforehand. When Lee was fooling around with her you could have joined in or made her acknowledge that you were there also, I mean you are not invisible. Or just plain said no! Maybe (and I am saying maybe) the age difference is also a big factor. She is probably very experienced and needs to try new things or at least mix it up, so if you cannot enjoy it then just deal with it because like you said you are not willing to leave I'm not saying it's entirely your fault because if she loves you and wants to share something new with you she would have included you. That's not right on her side!
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