SER Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 It's been 3 weeks NC and almost 4 weeks since the breakup. I've found that I'm on LS every day just reading and reading. What am I looking for? I can't tell whether or not it's helping me actually deal with my emotions, but I can see that it's helping me maintain NC and making sure I don't break it. But why do I feel the need to keeping reading about coping and breaking up? I'm not having a particularly rough time I think... I haven't cried since the week following the breakup and I seem to have a good grasp on reality and trying to effectively move on. When I catch myself wondering whether or not I want to contact him I remind myself of the reason of the breakup in the first place and all of the negative things that lead up to the decision. It helps me come back to the ground. As the holidays approach I do find myself worrying a little more about him and his family though and how it's going to be for them. We always spent them together and for the past 5 years both of our families got together before Thanksgiving to make our annual large batch of tamales. We would go over to his family's house for Thanksgiving with both of our families and for Christmas we always went to his family's house on Christmas Day and took a trip to see his out of town family. We will all miss that this year and I will miss all of them. I feel like telling them that I'm sorry, but I know that doesn't make sense. So now that I think about it maybe I'm having a rougher time than I thought. I do miss us and I really miss his family. I don't miss the bad times and I have somewhat enjoyed being alone and having the weight of his negativity lifted off of my shoulders. Keeping NC is hard and it is hard when he pops up in my mind during the day and if I have a dream with him in it. I have to counter that "well, maybe" quickly before I lose focus. I wonder how long I will be looking on LS everyday and reading about similar situations to help me through this. Maybe I'm just trying to push myself too hard to move on. Or maybe I'm trying to keep myself in it so that I don't. This is such a rough road.
River Rain Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 Personally I find it comforting when I'm here on LS reading and commenting on coping and breakups. I'm doing fine right now, it's been a rough few months though. But I find that commenting and trying to give some advice based on my own experience not only distracts me when I'm down, but also validates that I did the right thing and that it wasn't all my fault. Also when I read about the people who can't seem to let go, though I feel bad for them, it pushes me harder to move on and not put my own life on hold. I think if you're always reading LS and it allows you to justify remaining in a state of misery, then it's not a good idea though.
Author SER Posted November 9, 2012 Author Posted November 9, 2012 I think you've got it right, yes it is comforting in a way. I think I need to see it that way too, not putting my life on hold. I don't feel that I am, but having that mindset is something that would be very beneficial. I don't think I do it also to stay miserable, because I'm not miserable. But I do think that some part of me doesn't want to lose what we had. Although rationally when I think about it, I'm not losing my memories or experiences, they are mine to keep. And more rationally, what we had was more bad than good towards the end. I am very grateful for LS, it's helped so much and I'm glad that it gives me an opportunity to get real feedback from others that I can otherwise get in person with friends.
River Rain Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 I think you've got it right, yes it is comforting in a way. I think I need to see it that way too, not putting my life on hold. I don't feel that I am, but having that mindset is something that would be very beneficial. I don't think I do it also to stay miserable, because I'm not miserable. But I do think that some part of me doesn't want to lose what we had. Although rationally when I think about it, I'm not losing my memories or experiences, they are mine to keep. And more rationally, what we had was more bad than good towards the end. I am very grateful for LS, it's helped so much and I'm glad that it gives me an opportunity to get real feedback from others that I can otherwise get in person with friends. Rational is so much easier said than done isn't it? Plus, you were together a long time, and the holidays are coming up, so of course you'll feel a little more sad than usual. You just have to start making new memories, so that you can cherish the ones you've had in the past, without the sadness attached.
spaniard Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 LS helped me to realize that what I'm going trough is not special - it happens to so many people. In every second someone somewhere breaks up with an unlucky girl/guy. I realized that it's sad and tough, but part of our our life as well. Also, feeling that sometimes I can be a little help to someone who is going through the worst is good. Funny, that as far as I know, I never looked for advice on this forum. Maybe it's because I'm in strict NC and I just want to move on. My ex doesn't reach out, nor do I.
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