i'mfaraway Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 He doesn't like me that way. If a guy only talks to you about work, he's not interested. If a guy is naturally flirty, he's not interested. If a guy doesn't try hard enough to ask you out, he's not interested. If a guy you work with doesn't take all the opportunities he has (since proximity isn't an issue), he's not interested. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/354982-what-keeping-him-asking-me-out Question is how do I stop thinking about him that way or fantasizing that he does like me? Given that I have to see him a few days a week. How do I convince myself that he doesn't like me that way (even though I've just listed points above about it)?
mammasita Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 Based on your other thread, I dont see how you know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he is NOT interested in you. Have you suggested grabbing a drink or coffee (if you dont drink) after work one day?
Author i'mfaraway Posted November 9, 2012 Author Posted November 9, 2012 Based on your other thread, I dont see how you know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he is NOT interested in you. Have you suggested grabbing a drink or coffee (if you dont drink) after work one day? Because I can't fathom how someone would only talk about one non-personal topic (work) to someone he's trying to attract. Even if he loves to talk about work so much, the least he could do is ask me about myself, no? I haven't suggested after-work drinks because I was looking for at least some signs of him liking me first. Any sign.
mammasita Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 Don't make assumptions. Ask him and you'll have your answer. It's simple. Stop theorizing and rationalizing. Just ask and you will know.
Author i'mfaraway Posted November 9, 2012 Author Posted November 9, 2012 Sorry I got carried away. I meant to ask how do I "get over" him, not whether to ask him out for drinks. I guess my woman's instincts tell me I shouldn't waste time on this guy.
mammasita Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 Sorry I got carried away. I meant to ask how do I "get over" him, not whether to ask him out for drinks. I guess my woman's instincts tell me I shouldn't waste time on this guy. How do you know you need to get over him if you don't even know FOR SURE whether he is interested or not. You need that answer first, then you can work on getting over him.
Mrlonelyone Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 (edited) I know how this feels, all of it. The truth of the matter is you can't assume how someone feels you just have to read the whole body language and vibe with due consideration to works. In love, believe actions more than words. Plenty of people will have sex with you and say they love you but not mean it. Plenty of people will not say they even like you, then spend their time and resources on you. The mouth lies but actions are the truth. If you are 100% certain he's not into you then all you can really do is avoid him as much as possible until you meet someone who really is into you without any reservations. Some things to consider: What else do you have to talk about aside from your work? (Which, if it's something you both are passionate about isn't a small thing.) Have you tried to engage him about his life outside of work in any way? (Remember, in the workplace the one sided "he should do all the initiating and approaching dosen't really fly.) Consider this, you see eachother a few days a week at least. That right there means on one hand you get to know how a person reacts in a realistic circumstance not the phonyness of a date. On the other hand, you then aren't as motivated to ask someone out even if interested. As for flirtiness, look at how they are with other people. TL;DR: If you are 100% certain he's not interested then all you can do is hang in there until your feelings for him fade and you find someone more available to you. The other option is not to give up totally, keep the door open until you are sure it is really closed. Relationships don't always happen right away. Even Pierre Currie had to ask Marie to marry him three times before getting a yes. Edited November 9, 2012 by Mrlonelyone
irc333 Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 If a guy doesn't try hard enough to ask you out, he's not interested. I wanted to EXTRACT this one, and bring CLOSE attention to IT. Correction: "If a guy tries hard enough to ask you out, it's stalkerish" Believe me,I tried it in my 20's, most women were irritated I couldn't take the hint.
Mrlonelyone Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 OP, all you have to do is ask him to see a movie, then at the movie, yawn and put your arm around him, wile playing with his inner thigh. His reaction will answer all of your questions. Maybe even the meaning of life it self! @irc333 As always with words like creepy and stalker it depends on if the woman is into you.
Author i'mfaraway Posted November 9, 2012 Author Posted November 9, 2012 Thanks. Some of his body language suggest he likes me. And we tease or flirt in small ways. But I know he gets along with me better than most others in the store. So it could be that he feels the affinity with me and I'm someone he can rely on. Instead of liking me that way. We're passionate about work. But I still believe no matter how passionate, there must be something else he can talk about. Also I heard he talks about non-work stuff with people outside of work. I haven't engaged him in non-work topics because I also hears he doesn't like to talk to work people about non-work stuff. I'm stuck in this limbo between not having the guts or motivation to ask him out because the signs point to him not liking me that way. And having to see him all this time at work. So I need a quick fix in getting over it. How do I get my feelings to fade when I have to see so much of him? Depending on my interactions with him, he makes me happy or sad. I know how this feels, all of it. The truth of the matter is you can't assume how someone feels you just have to read the whole body language and vibe with due consideration to works. In love, believe actions more than words. Plenty of people will have sex with you and say they love you but not mean it. Plenty of people will not say they even like you, then spend their time and resources on you. The mouth lies but actions are the truth. If you are 100% certain he's not into you then all you can really do is avoid him as much as possible until you meet someone who really is into you without any reservations. Some things to consider: What else do you have to talk about aside from your work? (Which, if it's something you both are passionate about isn't a small thing.) Have you tried to engage him about his life outside of work in any way? (Remember, in the workplace the one sided "he should do all the initiating and approaching dosen't really fly.) Consider this, you see eachother a few days a week at least. That right there means on one hand you get to know how a person reacts in a realistic circumstance not the phonyness of a date. On the other hand, you then aren't as motivated to ask someone out even if interested. As for flirtiness, look at how they are with other people. TL;DR: If you are 100% certain he's not interested then all you can do is hang in there until your feelings for him fade and you find someone more available to you. The other option is not to give up totally, keep the door open until you are sure it is really closed. Relationships don't always happen right away. Even Pierre Currie had to ask Marie to marry him three times before getting a yes.
Author i'mfaraway Posted November 9, 2012 Author Posted November 9, 2012 I wanted to EXTRACT this one, and bring CLOSE attention to IT. Correction: "If a guy tries hard enough to ask you out, it's stalkerish" Believe me,I tried it in my 20's, most women were irritated I couldn't take the hint. LOL. But I agree with mr lonely one. Since I like him, he can't do anything that would make me think stalkerish.
Mrlonelyone Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 (edited) I haven't engaged him in non-work topics because I also hears he doesn't like to talk to work people about non-work stuff. You don't need to ask him out, just try talking to him about non work things. Ask him about himself, and tell him about yourself. There is no quick fix in getting over it. I have tried lately, I even have a thread or two about it. The only ways I can thin to get over this situation are to see that they really truly are not available to you, then find someone else who is. Or if they are available to you, "that way", then by all means keep the door open. When you work with someone you have more time to just let things develop without having to try. That is why so many romances...I think like 1/3 of marriages started from people who worked together. Edited November 9, 2012 by Mrlonelyone
Author i'mfaraway Posted November 9, 2012 Author Posted November 9, 2012 You don't need to ask him out, just try talking to him about non work things. Ask him about himself, and tell him about yourself. There is no quick fix in getting over it. I have tried lately, I even have a thread or two about it. The only ways I can thin to get over this situation are to see that they really truly are not available to you, then find someone else who is. Or if they are available to you, "that way", then by all means keep the door open. When you work with someone you have more time to just let things develop without having to try. That is why so many romances...I think like 1/3 of marriages started from people who worked together. I may push him away by engaging him in topics he doesn't want to talk to work people about. The best way is to find someone else but that's a problem on its own. :laugh: I like the idea of developing a relationship "without trying." That comes naturally because after knowing someone for a whole you find yourselves compatible. I haven't read your threads but I hope you have better luck trying to get over it than me.
Author i'mfaraway Posted November 9, 2012 Author Posted November 9, 2012 "The best way is to find someone else but that's a problem on its own" So you want him, because there is no other game in town?....not very flattering to the guy. "Hey dude, I like you, because I don't really have other options and I am lazy to look...aka "I like the idea of developing a relationship "without trying." Let me rephrase. I developed feelings for this guy I work with because we see each other so often. But because there's no other guy in sight, I find it difficult to get over this one. What I meant by liking the idea of a relationship without trying is that I like a relationship developed naturally from a friendship or knowing each other in a non-romantic context. Instead of going with the idea of marrying the first guy I meet.
Mrlonelyone Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 I haven't read your threads but I hope you have better luck trying to get over it than me. That's just the thing. I may not need to get over this person. For me, and her, while we certainly have a click, chemistry and a spark we also have other options. Simpler easier options. We have similar upbringings, views and values from our discussions about things from our similar childhoods to other things. Perhaps that is a difference in our situations? Odds are you too have other options and possible options. Just open your eyes and see them.
Author i'mfaraway Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 That's just the thing. I may not need to get over this person. For me, and her, while we certainly have a click, chemistry and a spark we also have other options. Simpler easier options. We have similar upbringings, views and values from our discussions about things from our similar childhoods to other things. Perhaps that is a difference in our situations? Odds are you too have other options and possible options. Just open your eyes and see them. I have tried to look at other options. I do enjoy them but after it's over, I think back of this guy at work. It's not even fun or funny.
PhoenixRysing Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 Thanks. Some of his body language suggest he likes me. And we tease or flirt in small ways. But I know he gets along with me better than most others in the store. So it could be that he feels the affinity with me and I'm someone he can rely on. Instead of liking me that way. We're passionate about work. But I still believe no matter how passionate, there must be something else he can talk about. Also I heard he talks about non-work stuff with people outside of work. I haven't engaged him in non-work topics because I also hears he doesn't like to talk to work people about non-work stuff. I'm stuck in this limbo between not having the guts or motivation to ask him out because the signs point to him not liking me that way. And having to see him all this time at work. So I need a quick fix in getting over it. How do I get my feelings to fade when I have to see so much of him? Depending on my interactions with him, he makes me happy or sad. I'm confused, if you are already convinced he doesn't like you then what do you have to lose? You can't push someone away that isn't there in the first place. Just using your logic against you here. As for my own experience, guys have never expressed interest first and I have always had to do it. It's not all bad. And remember, if he isn't interested he isn't really rejecting you because he doesn't know you well enough for there to be anything to take personally. Just talk to him, see where it goes. This kind of conversation will lead to a natural way for you to invite him somewhere. If he says no, no harm no foul. All you did was ask a person to hang out with you and they said no. Think of it this way. You know your best friend likes zombies, so you ask her if she wants to check our Resident Evil. She says no - do you cry? Do you take it personally? No, you just shrug your shoulders and go with someone else. That is all this is. Anything you feel beyond that is made up in your mind. All you need is the common ground for the invite, and for that you have to talk to him.
Author i'mfaraway Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 I'm confused, if you are already convinced he doesn't like you then what do you have to lose? You can't push someone away that isn't there in the first place. Just using your logic against you here. As for my own experience, guys have never expressed interest first and I have always had to do it. It's not all bad. And remember, if he isn't interested he isn't really rejecting you because he doesn't know you well enough for there to be anything to take personally. Just talk to him, see where it goes. This kind of conversation will lead to a natural way for you to invite him somewhere. If he says no, no harm no foul. All you did was ask a person to hang out with you and they said no. Think of it this way. You know your best friend likes zombies, so you ask her if she wants to check our Resident Evil. She says no - do you cry? Do you take it personally? No, you just shrug your shoulders and go with someone else. That is all this is. Anything you feel beyond that is made up in your mind. All you need is the common ground for the invite, and for that you have to talk to him. This is really good. I actually didn't think of it this way. However, because we work together, it's a little tricky. Well, I guess we can say the same of him, that he doesn't want to ask me out because we're co-workers. But I'm saying he doesn't even give me the right signs to go on. He only talks to me mostly about work, like he wants to keep the distance. Okay, I know I'm rambling.
PhoenixRysing Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 This is really good. I actually didn't think of it this way. However, because we work together, it's a little tricky. Well, I guess we can say the same of him, that he doesn't want to ask me out because we're co-workers. But I'm saying he doesn't even give me the right signs to go on. He only talks to me mostly about work, like he wants to keep the distance. Okay, I know I'm rambling. You are thinking way too far ahead. First talk to him about something other than work. If he doesn't give you a better reception, then reconsider your options. Next, if he does give you good signals, ask him to hang out based on something you talk about. At this point, don't even view it in your own mind as a date - just friends who like the same thing doing something together. Once you have him outside of work, then you can see how he really is with you. You may find once the ice is broken everything flows. You may also find that because you work together you do have to take the reigns. Men are much less inclined to express interest at work because they are more likely to bear the brunt of harassment claims. I will tell you, that not one of the guys I asked out gave me an indicator he was interested. In fact sometimes it felt like they were interested in everyone else but me. It was only later that I found out this was deliberate. They were actively checking themselves in my presence so as not to appear smitten with someone they thought they couldn't have. Of course, he may also not be interested. But once you know that for sure at least the agony of the unknown will be over and you will be able to move on. Good luck.
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