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How to STOP chasing guys and getting hurt?

kcbrown95

By kcbrown95
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kcbrown95 New Member

kcbrown95

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Hello there,

 

I am new here :) I would like to first say that I am 17, gay, and in distress. I've been having trouble with love for a quite some time. First off, I've been wanting a boyfriend for ever and ever. But now that I'm a little bit older, it's more plausible that I could find someone to emotionally and sexually invest in. But here's the problem...

 

I've been chased by guys that I'm not attracted to, and I chase guys that aren't attracted to me. The latter is the biggest problem, and it's affecting my whole life. I can't find a balance. The guys I chase are very attractive in the broadest sense, and I feel like they are too good for me (people say I should lower my standards). But there's no one else I'm attracted to. So when I attempt to ask these people out on dates, I get shut down. And then I want to sit in my room, curl up, and cry for days on days. That's a problem.

 

So this is what I want to do. I want to stop chasing guys and getting hurt. I just want to focus on school and life and then let love find me. But how do I do this? I'm very hormonal, and I really want an emotional attachment because I've been suffering from depression for my whole life.

 

Thank you for helping,

 

sincerely,

 

a teen in distress

kaylan Established Member

kaylan

Posted
Posted

You might not like this answer because its gonna sound kinda cliche.

 

You have so much time ahead of you kid. I did the same thing you are when I was your age (im 26 now). Girls who liked me I had no interest in, and most of the girls I liked were not into me or things didnt last very long when we dated.

 

IYour standards are high...but so what? You shouldnt lower them to be with someone you dont like much. I did that at your age and it hurt some girls.

 

And no need to cry just because someone doesnt want to date you. I understand it can feel bad at times...Ive been there...and teenage years can be very volatile. Just know that soon enough you will meet someone to be with...but dont have it be your sole focus.

 

Focus on enjoying your friends and family. If you are dealing with depression, maybe you could turn to them? Because you dont want to use a relationship as an emotional crutch. Its unhealthy and it wont wipe all the bad things you feel away...and even if it does for a little while, you dont want to be that dependant on having a relationship. Because if it ends, the crash can hurt pretty bad.

 

You gotta learn how to enjoy being who you are by yourself, and not over-analyze this dating thing. Sure itll be hard at times, but as they say...once you stop looking and you accept where you are in life, usually someone good shows up when you least expect it.

 

Youll find a good guy in due time.

 

As I grew up in my late teens, I started to figure out more of what I exactly wanted in a mate, and then tried to hone my style and personality to attract that kind of girl. Sometimes its simply changing little things, growing up a bit, and waiting for things to fall into place

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kcbrown95 New Member

kcbrown95

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Thank you for your help. I appreciate your answer so much.

 

I will try my best to just enjoy life and let love come to me when the time is ready.

 

Thank you soooooo much.

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jefermelesyeux Established Member

jefermelesyeux

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Posted
Hello there,

 

I am new here :) I would like to first say that I am 17, gay, and in distress. I've been having trouble with love for a quite some time. First off, I've been wanting a boyfriend for ever and ever. But now that I'm a little bit older, it's more plausible that I could find someone to emotionally and sexually invest in. But here's the problem...

 

I've been chased by guys that I'm not attracted to, and I chase guys that aren't attracted to me. The latter is the biggest problem, and it's affecting my whole life. I can't find a balance. The guys I chase are very attractive in the broadest sense, and I feel like they are too good for me (people say I should lower my standards). But there's no one else I'm attracted to. So when I attempt to ask these people out on dates, I get shut down. And then I want to sit in my room, curl up, and cry for days on days. That's a problem.

 

So this is what I want to do. I want to stop chasing guys and getting hurt. I just want to focus on school and life and then let love find me. But how do I do this? I'm very hormonal, and I really want an emotional attachment because I've been suffering from depression for my whole life.

 

Thank you for helping,

 

sincerely,

 

a teen in distress

 

i agree completely with what kaylan said. you're young still, and the fact that you're not 18 yet may have some bearing on your dating life. i am 21, not much older, but you'd be surprised at how much you can change/grow/learn in just 4 years. i am also gay, so i know where you're coming from. i've been discouraged as well because i also have high standards. it can be frustrating; the guys you don't want, want you. and the guys you want, don't want you. but every now and then a diamond in the rough turns up, and even if things don't work out, it gives you hope that there are still decent guys out there.

 

when i was your age, i was focused on school. now that i have more freedom and independence, i'm seeking out a relationship. maybe put dating on the back burner until you've graduated high school...college can definitely be a great place to meet people. :) good luck mr, you'll find the right guy in due time.

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kcbrown95 New Member

kcbrown95

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Thank you for your answer as well. It's nice to know that someone else understands what I'm going through on a deeper level. Thanks. I really appreciate your help. I will wait for the diamond in the rough, no matter how long it takes me. Maybe it'll be college, who knows? ;)

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kaylan Established Member

kaylan

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Posted (edited)

I definitely agree with jefermelesyeux. College is a whole different world. Your dating life should definitely increase Id think. I know mine really did. Do be warned that when it comes to college, having all these new and different people around you does make some people not too keen to settle into a relationship. So watch out for that when selecting a guy.

 

And make sure you do good research on different campuses. Find one that has a decent LGBT population and is known to be open and accepting of different people. That way you have peers and dating prospects. When I went to uni, I was surprised to find out my school was super hippie liberal, and had a pretty good sized LGBT population. Not to mention the mayor was the first in the state to perform gay marriages several years back, so I think thats what played into the town being popular among the LGBT folk.

Edited by kaylan
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jefermelesyeux Established Member

jefermelesyeux

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Thank you for your answer as well. It's nice to know that someone else understands what I'm going through on a deeper level. Thanks. I really appreciate your help. I will wait for the diamond in the rough, no matter how long it takes me. Maybe it'll be college, who knows? ;)

 

optimism will get you everywhere, my friend.

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jefermelesyeux Established Member

jefermelesyeux

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I definitely agree with jefermelesyeux. College is a whole different world. Your dating life should definitely increase Id think. I know mine really did. Do be warned that when it comes to college, having all these new and different people around you does make some people not too keen to settle into a relationship. So watch out for that when selecting a guy.

 

And make sure you do good research on different campuses. Find one that has a decent LGBT population and is known to be open and accepting of different people. That way you have peers and dating prospects. When I went to uni, I was surprised to find out my school was super hippie liberal, and had a pretty good sized LGBT population. Not to mention the mayor was the first in the state to perform gay marriages several years back, so I think thats what played into the town being popular among the LGBT folk.

 

yes yes yes. i agree that you should seek out prospect schools which have a decent lgbta populations or at the very least are 'safe places' for various sexualities. my first college (out of 4, my god) was located in harlem. that being said though, i never really felt threatened, save a few occasions. but still. join clubs/organizations, talk to people...even just smiling at someone can make a world's difference. you never know. and never put all your eggs in one basket, unless you know it's safe to. keep your options open and explore. and never, ever lower your standards. they are high for a reason, and accepting anything less would be settling, which never works out.

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kcbrown95 New Member

kcbrown95

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I definitely agree with jefermelesyeux. College is a whole different world. Your dating life should definitely increase Id think. I know mine really did. Do be warned that when it comes to college, having all these new and different people around you does make some people not too keen to settle into a relationship. So watch out for that when selecting a guy.

 

And make sure you do good research on different campuses. Find one that has a decent LGBT population and is known to be open and accepting of different people. That way you have peers and dating prospects. When I went to uni, I was surprised to find out my school was super hippie liberal, and had a pretty good sized LGBT population. Not to mention the mayor was the first in the state to perform gay marriages several years back, so I think thats what played into the town being popular among the LGBT folk.

 

Yes, I will definitely contain my college search to just the accepting schools. And besides, I want to live in New York City for college so I think I'll find plenty of people who like me as a friend or even something more :) OH GOD this makes me so excited to get out of high school and meet new people! Friends and boyfriends alike!!! WOOHOO!!!

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kcbrown95 New Member

kcbrown95

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yes yes yes. i agree that you should seek out prospect schools which have a decent lgbta populations or at the very least are 'safe places' for various sexualities. my first college (out of 4, my god) was located in harlem. that being said though, i never really felt threatened, save a few occasions. but still. join clubs/organizations, talk to people...even just smiling at someone can make a world's difference. you never know. and never put all your eggs in one basket, unless you know it's safe to. keep your options open and explore. and never, ever lower your standards. they are high for a reason, and accepting anything less would be settling, which never works out.

 

Great information there. I am thankful you told me to never lower my standards. I think because I am a compassionate, beautiful person, I deserve the same in a guy. I will never settle, I promise you :) Thank you for your help!!

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