seemenow Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 We were together for 5 years off and on. In love so i thought. Ultimately left me for another person. Became dishonest, cold, distant, you know the usual. Told me she still loved me, cared for me and wanted to date me again while still with her new boyfriend. She told me things were over between her and her new boyfriend, but she never ended it. I got upset understandingly, called her on her bull****, and ultimately she diminished everything I thought we were for five years and told me she was just "using me for sex" ouch. She used to hide her boyfriend, but now she is being really open about the love she feels for him. She made her choice, and sacrificed me for this new guy. My question is what would be the best way to get her to think about what she did? What would be the best way to go about making her feel something? What would get her to see what she lost/gave up/destroyed? We are still friends. We talk a few times a week. How do you think she would react if I just stopped contacting her at this point? Being so used to me needing her, wanting her in my life. Do you think she would be unphased? (bc she has someone else) or do you think she will try to get me back in her life?
Balzac Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 Come to LS for supportive recommendations to help yourself. Thinking about her in any way is not helping yourself. What are you getting from frequent contact with her? Most adults do not perform actions that do not reap a reward.
Author seemenow Posted November 9, 2012 Author Posted November 9, 2012 I am getting communication with my friend, my person, the closest person to me. I do know how to exist without it now.
Author seemenow Posted November 9, 2012 Author Posted November 9, 2012 Gibson, what is that supposed to mean? And why do you feel like I need professional help?
Author seemenow Posted November 9, 2012 Author Posted November 9, 2012 Does anyone else believe I need professional help?
kamani Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 Well, she cheated you, dumbed you, and had been never concerned about your feelings. She had done the worst disgrace to you by keeping you in touch, after dumbing, when she is with her new boyfriend. Why did you hurt yourself still staying in touch with her? I feel you have been used and are still being used. She is toying with your feelings. She would never be better even if she comes back. Please think about your self respect. You deserve more, I feel. Staying in touch with her will take away your opportunities. How long have you been in contact with her after getting dumped? I'm not sure whether you need professional help. I feel it may help you to come out of this agony.
Author seemenow Posted November 9, 2012 Author Posted November 9, 2012 You're right. I do feel used and disrespected by her. We have stayed in contact because we have always had one of those relationships that was 50 percent friendship and 50 percent intimacy, as she was my best friend, and I hers. Regardless of our romantic situation it was agreed that we both didn't want to lose that. We have never ceased contact since the break up. We remained friends, even though she turned cold and distant to me now. If I do not call her for a few days, she always texts me. And before she would never tell me when she was with her boyfriend, she would make something up-but now she is being open with me and telling me when they are together always. I don't get it. I am just trying to understand it all.
Tally123 Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 Well, she dumped you, played with you like a toy and then proceeded to tell you that she was using you for five years for s*x and you STILL want to be "friends" with her?! Wow! I think this is as much about how much you value yourself rather than how much you value her. But this will be great for you tho, staying friends, you wont be able to move on, still love her, still get treated like rubbish and all the while she is living the dream with her new guy....(that was an attempt at sarcasm) by the way. Cut contact with her, seriously!! 1
kamani Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 OH, God, you have done more than enough harm to yourself. Just think. Are you prepared to get hurt and live in pain rest of your life? Or do you want to move on? You cannot be friends with someone who you have feelings for. You now want to be friends with her because of your feelings and nothing else. She had never acted a friend. I understand that cutting her off completely is easier said than done. Specially after 5 year relationship. But you have to decide, whether you want to move on or live in this fantasy. Don't try to get her back. Grass is not going to be greener with her. Initiate NC immediately, tell her that no friendship is possible.
Shinobi Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 So you want to make her think of you? Here is how- and do not be affraid, you have nothing to lose anyway. Look at it as a long term situation. Cut contact and avoid bumping on her at any cost. Simply disappear, do not pick up her calls, do not call her. Simple as that. And your mindset should be to do this from now on. Let months pass but if you just sit in one place there will be no point. Improve yourself- go in the gym. Something very, very important- do not close yourself for another dates. Find a girl whith whom you can spend good time, have sex and so on. There are such kind of girls you can remain close to them even when your heart is elsewhere. Force yourself to date another one with whom you find the physical contact pleasant. During all this time do not contact or see your ex. Be sure that the next time she sees you it will be in months time, looking better and you must be with a girl. When you see her just smile and say hi. You know where she hangs up, when you are ready deliberately go there. If you buy a new car this will be a plus. She will be stung, I promise. Also, give it time for her to get bored with her new guy, in several months relationships fall in routines and I do not think this guy is some kind of exclusion or is so much more amazing than the average. And the average is actually very low... I hope you can do this, otherwise you'll make me regret I gave you advice and will never do this again. Define your goal and do whatever it takes to achieve it.
mammasita Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 Your best revenge is moving on and forgetting about her. Now THAT will show her!
seany25 Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 Do everything that shinobi said, you don't even have to do all of it. The main thing you need to do is cut contact immediately. At the minute she knows she can click her fingers & you will jump however high she says, start by taking that power away from her.....immediately.
Shinobi Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 Look at Wiz Khalifa's verse in this song- there's your answer!
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