I think my boyfriend hates me..

[Kim.x0]

Ive never done this before i may have completely ****ed it up but i just want some advice... my boyfriend is 19 and im 16. He moved to ontario last year and im in bc so its long distance. at first he was the nicest guy i had ever met.. i mean he was basically obsessed with me (in a cute way) he was so happy when i finally said yes like the 20th time he asked me out.. i thought our relationship would be perfect. its since we've been long distance that problems have started. he gets mad over nothing.. i cant do anything right anymore. if i do or say anything wrong i wont hear the end of it for hours. even the littlest things.. i have to listen to everything he says or he freaks out.. says we should just break up.. but he always says that if we ever break up he'll kill himself.. we'll get in a huge fight (mostly him being mean and me saying sorry) and he'll say okay lets just end it im gunna go die now.. have a nice life etc. then i beg him not to and about 5 hours later everything is back to "normal" but then soon the whole cycle starts again. i cant take it anymore. but i cant break up with him because he'll kill himself and it will be my fault. i have no way of contacting his grandparents (who he lives with) so i feel like i cant warn anyone. i'm pretty sure however that his family knows about his mental suicidal issues. i just dont know what to do. it already got to the point one time where i called the cops in his area because he said he was gunna do it. they went there but i dont think anything happened. this was months ago. im terrified someone please help

[Ninjainpajamas]

Look, there's a few things you need to realize that are going on here;

 

First off, you are not responsible for this guys life, neither if he kills himself will anyone put the blame on you.

 

Secondly, the chances of him killing himself I don't believe to be very high at all because he's doing this for attention, he uses this against you so that you feel guilty and put up the abuse and give him what he wants. Therefore if he kills himself there is no more attention, he might be a cutter or inflict some kind of pain on himself as well.

 

Lastly, you giving in is actually enabling this behavior...making it worse...because instead of having to face his issues and get help for them, you're someone he gets to distract himself with and put his issues and anger/frustration towards. These kind of people abuse the closest people to them because they know you won't leave, it's like a power they have over you and you're under a dark cloud, eventually you don't even remember what it was like to be without this world he's put you in because he's constantly drowning you in it, giving you anxiety and worry and taking you up and down his emotional rollercoaster...not because you did anything wrong, but because of how he feels., he's putting your through misery because that's what he is going through, does that make sense? it has nothing to do with you, this is not your fault.

 

He dealt with this before you and guess what, he'll deal with this without you, the trick is to make you think that you have to sacrifice your happiness just to keep him holding onto a string of wanting to live...but this is so much deeper and more complex than you may ever understand, so you need to trust my word on this and just get out, because by the time you figure it out for yourself he'll have done so much mental damage to you that you won't ever be the same again...do you want that? do you want to carry these "issues" because of the things he put you through for years to come and whoever else you date because you let this guy control you?...that's something you need to find the strength inside yourself so you can move on....immediately.

"at first he was the nicest guy i had ever met"

 

I want you to write this on your forehead so you can see it everyday and until it sinks into your brain and you never forget it again because it will save you a lot of heartbreak and trickery from men.

 

Any man can be anything he wants in the beginning...never think you know a guy completely just because he's nice, sweet, charming, whatever you want to think or feel, always give things time to learn about a guys true character. Unfortunately you will likely forget this with the next guy you like, but maybe by some chance you'll learn from this lesson and realize that people always put their best foot forward, who they really are is behind closed doors so always know that the majority people in this world are actors to some extent, and some are far better than others. Especially when they come off really genuine. It's that people are "evil" it's that they all have their issues and most people find it hard to (especially men) show their true character and expose their real self, that just takes time for most.

 

You'll save yourself from many "surprises" or else you'll be in your 30's still being woo'd by guys then having the rug swept from underneath you as they start to abuse you again. And remember, you are likely to be attracted to the same type of guy, if you start dating "jerks" over and over, don't ask what's wrong with them, ask what's wrong with you and what issues attract you to these guys who use and abuse you.

 

Get out of this relationship, he'll likely go nuts and call you and text you and try to make you feel as guilty as possible, but don't answer and don't respond...in fact shut off your phone completely. If you're that worried then tell someone close to him what happened after you break up and let them watch over him...like his family or someone, this is not your problem and most importantly you can't fix him...you cannot fix him...you cannot fix him...you cannot fix him.

[KraftDinner]

Ninjainpajamas sums it up perfectly.

 

It is not YOUR responsibility to take care of him.