dating diffrent cultures

[latinacorazon]

So i'm a Mexican girl from Mexico, and my boyfriend is Vietnamese from Vietnam. He was raised here just like me all my life we are very different but regardless of our cultural differences we can be together. I can say we make each other extremely happy. I have a son however, he is 3 years old i'm 22 and he is 25. He has no kids and is in school too. He will be done with business in two years he is very dedicated because of his parents. So we have been struggling a little and he wants to get a better full time job and finish school next semester just to get back on his own since his parents are helping him a lot. He started crying yesterday telling me his mom and grandma slapped him and started yelling at him because he told them about his idea. According to them he needs to finish school and it should be his number one priorty in life. But now that he has found me he wants more money and his plans problably changed since he wants to move in together. This new job will probably pay him 22$ and hour. I think its a decent job but obviously not to them. I wonder why asians are so strick. Is this normal should i encourage him to do what he wants ? He says his parents are never pleased and in other cultures parents are proud of their kids for any little reason. This is maybe the reason why he is so emotional..

[FitChick]

Asians value education which is why they are one of the most successful ethnic groups. Certain other ethnic groups don't value education which is why they drop out of high school or wind up in lower paying jobs. Their parents are indifferent to their kids' education for the most part and want them to drop out and start working immediately. My aunt was a teacher in the California school system so she has first hand experience with this.

 

By the way, it's "stricT" not "stricK." I rest my case.

[Ami1uwant]

$22/hr means low $40K.

 

The issue is that his family probably is helping him through school. It sounds as if he is going for a graduate degree which in his field means a lot higher salary start and salry potential in his field.

 

He is being short sighted in this decision.\

[sooniechan]

Coming from someone who has an Asian parent (Korean) I can say in my experience and people I know, yes they are that strict when it comes to school and education. It's fairly normal. From what my mom has told me, and my friends, going your own way(like doing what you want vs. what they want) pretty much means you are getting disowned/kicked out of the family. Not sure about your boyfriend but that might be something to consider.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Hispanic culture can at times have a very short-sighted and limited view of what they'd define as "success". More vested in family values and keeping together the unit as much as possible, a good job to a traditional hispanic family is much different to a family apart of the traditional Asian culture as you're expected to succeed and become prosperous to take care of the parents. Not just have grandma live in the back house banging pots and pans around at 6 am cooking up some fresh beans.

 

The Asian culture has the right idea in terms of success, but they seem to put too much pressure and expectations on their kids as well as demanding them to live a pretty conservative and traditional lifestyle which keeps them in a bubble.

 

I think he's making the wrong decision IMO settling for a 22 dollar an hour job, that's just a starting salary but that's not going to get him anywhere far these days. When you consider how much things cost, buying a house, paying car payments, insurance, other bills 22 dollars an hour is a drop is hardly anything.

 

So this is really short-sighted of him and i hate to be this honest and this frank with you, but you're a single mom at 22 years old with a 3 year old he's only 25 and still in school, you need to be thinking about getting your life together and he needs to be thinking about continuing his school instead of throwing it all away and changing plans just because of you...you might not even be together years from now, not worth the sacrifice. If he continues to go to school then his salary will potentially be much higher, he'll have a greater edge over the competition and be able to make some real money.

 

Your expectations are likely way lower than his families, yes their expectations are high and they are strict, but even if it's for the wrong reasons and they essentially abuse him into it...it is still the right move for his future. It must be difficult however being 25 and still being slapped by grandma just because you want to get on with your live, that seems very claustrophobic and I think that's the wrong way to inspire your children, but many Asians seem to rule with an iron fist.

 

The way this situation should be handled is you should try and get your life together If it's not, get your own place, live together and support him as he continues to go through school. But don't have him throw away his education, if you by some miracle even last that long then it'll be worth it, because if he quits now and gets a job, he might be making ok money now and even move up the ladder by his 30's but if continues to go to school, his starting salary will likely be higher than whatever ground he's covered anyway and the ceiling to how much more he can make will even be greater, so when it comes down to buying that house and settling down this would be hugely worth it.

 

Stop giving him the booty so good too, these Asians aren't used to that, he sounds pu$$y whipped

[Michal2012]

I really agree with you that asians parents are so strick. I think it could be a reason that he is so emotional and afraid.

[musemaj11]

This Asian guy is in a pussy trance.

 

I bet he hasn't even told his family that his girlfriend already has a child from someone else.

[utterer of lies]

If he stops or delays his education because of you, he will never forgive you for that, and will resent you for it when he gets older - even if he thinks it's his decision now.

[KathyM]

I think it's hard to mix cultures and make it work long term. The values, work ethic, attitudes, family influences, different perspective on raising children, demeanor, etc., etc., that are different can cause a lot of friction and disagreements as time goes on. I know a lot of couples that are from different cultures, and all of them are divorced, except for two couples in addition to my own relationship. The cultural differences, different value system, etc., was too much for their relationships to withstand. That's not to say it can't be done. I've been happily married to a man for many years that is from a very different culture than my own, and although we have a happy marriage, the cultural differences have caused disagreements and friction at times, which I would not have had if married to an American like myself. So it can be done if you love the person enough, and can respect the cultural differences and you are both not so rigid that you expect your partner to conform to your way of thinking, but can negotiate a compromise on things. The Asian culture is very strict, unlike the Latino culture, and that is undoubtedly going to impact your relationship as time goes on. I wouldn't take this issue too lightly. It may not seem so insurmountable now, but when the reality sinks in, you may find that the differences are just too much.

[latinacorazon]

First of i always encourage him to finish of school, and obey his parents because it will benefit me in the long term. His sisters and family like me a lot and they do know i have a son since we do bring him around. I don't think I'm the issue here, i mean he has changed his major 5 times so he feels really frustrated that he is not yet finished with school and all the pressure he gets from his mom will only make thing worst for him. I'm starting school next semester too, maybe joining the medical field since i always liked the work environment. My family is probably living better than his family well what i can see. I think the reason for all this is that he is the only son and his parents are getting old so they're worried about been taken care of when they get much older. Its just not the right way to discipline your kid. Make them terrified? There doing way to much. His parents told him that we should move in to their home so that we could save money and finish school. They want him to make 6 figures, and i don't doubt he will at all since he is very intelligent. He gave me keys to his apartment today! Did not expect it so i know he really loves me and wants to be with me because no matter what happens i will support his decisions no matter what. I love the guy for who he is so please have more respect here. What a man has can become what he had easily, and he knows i acknowledge that and everything he is i respect just like he respects me.

[latinacorazon]

First of i always encourage him to finish of school, and obey his parents because it will benefit me in the long term. His sisters and family like me a lot and they do know i have a son since we do bring him around. I don't think I'm the issue here, i mean he has changed his major 5 times so he feels really frustrated that he is not yet finished with school and all the pressure he gets from his mom will only make thing worst for him. I'm starting school next semester too, maybe joining the medical field since i always liked the work environment. My family is probably living better than his family well what i can see. I think the reason for all this is that he is the only son and his parents are getting old so they're worried about been taken care of when they get much older. Its just not the right way to discipline your kid. Make them terrified? There doing way to much. His parents told him that we should move in to their home so that we could save money and finish school. They want him to make 6 figures, and i don't doubt he will at all since he is very intelligent. He gave me keys to his apartment today! Did not expect it so i know he really loves me and wants to be with me because no matter what happens i will support his decisions no matter what. I love the guy for who he is so please have more respect here. What a man has can become what he had easily, and he knows i acknowledge that and everything he is i respect just like he respects me.

[latinacorazon]

I think it's hard to mix cultures and make it work long term. The values, work ethic, attitudes, family influences, different perspective on raising children, demeanor, etc., etc., that are different can cause a lot of friction and disagreements as time goes on. I know a lot of couples that are from different cultures, and all of them are divorced, except for two couples in addition to my own relationship. The cultural differences, different value system, etc., was too much for their relationships to withstand. That's not to say it can't be done. I've been happily married to a man for many years that is from a very different culture than my own, and although we have a happy marriage, the cultural differences have caused disagreements and friction at times, which I would not have had if married to an American like myself. So it can be done if you love the person enough, and can respect the cultural differences and you are both not so rigid that you expect your partner to conform to your way of thinking, but can negotiate a compromise on things. The Asian culture is very strict, unlike the Latino culture, and that is undoubtedly going to impact your relationship as time goes on. I wouldn't take this issue too lightly. It may not seem so insurmountable now, but when the reality sinks in, you may find that the differences are just too much.

 

Hispanic culture can at times have a very short-sighted and limited view of what they'd define as "success". More vested in family values and keeping together the unit as much as possible, a good job to a traditional hispanic family is much different to a family apart of the traditional Asian culture as you're expected to succeed and become prosperous to take care of the parents. Not just have grandma live in the back house banging pots and pans around at 6 am cooking up some fresh beans.

 

The Asian culture has the right idea in terms of success, but they seem to put too much pressure and expectations on their kids as well as demanding them to live a pretty conservative and traditional lifestyle which keeps them in a bubble.

 

I think he's making the wrong decision IMO settling for a 22 dollar an hour job, that's just a starting salary but that's not going to get him anywhere far these days. When you consider how much things cost, buying a house, paying car payments, insurance, other bills 22 dollars an hour is a drop is hardly anything.

 

So this is really short-sighted of him and i hate to be this honest and this frank with you, but you're a single mom at 22 years old with a 3 year old he's only 25 and still in school, you need to be thinking about getting your life together and he needs to be thinking about continuing his school instead of throwing it all away and changing plans just because of you...you might not even be together years from now, not worth the sacrifice. If he continues to go to school then his salary will potentially be much higher, he'll have a greater edge over the competition and be able to make some real money.

 

Your expectations are likely way lower than his families, yes their expectations are high and they are strict, but even if it's for the wrong reasons and they essentially abuse him into it...it is still the right move for his future. It must be difficult however being 25 and still being slapped by grandma just because you want to get on with your live, that seems very claustrophobic and I think that's the wrong way to inspire your children, but many Asians seem to rule with an iron fist.

 

The way this situation should be handled is you should try and get your life together If it's not, get your own place, live together and support him as he continues to go through school. But don't have him throw away his education, if you by some miracle even last that long then it'll be worth it, because if he quits now and gets a job, he might be making ok money now and even move up the ladder by his 30's but if continues to go to school, his starting salary will likely be higher than whatever ground he's covered anyway and the ceiling to how much more he can make will even be greater, so when it comes down to buying that house and settling down this would be hugely worth it.

 

Stop giving him the booty so good too, these Asians aren't used to that, he sounds pu$$y whipped

First of i always encourage him to finish of school, and obey his parents because it will benefit me in the long term. His sisters and family like me a lot and they do know i have a son since we do bring him around. I don't think I'm the issue here, i mean he has changed his major 5 times so he feels really frustrated that he is not yet finished with school and all the pressure he gets from his mom will only make thing worst for him. I'm starting school next semester too, maybe joining the medical field since i always liked the work environment. My family is probably living better than his family well what i can see. I think the reason for all this is that he is the only son and his parents are getting old so they're worried about been taken care of when they get much older. Its just not the right way to discipline your kid. Make them terrified? There doing way to much. His parents told him that we should move in to their home so that we could save money and finish school. They want him to make 6 figures, and i don't doubt he will at all since he is very intelligent. He gave me keys to his apartment today! Did not expect it so i know he really loves me and wants to be with me because no matter what happens i will support his decisions no matter what. I love the guy for who he is so please have more respect here. What a man has can become what he had easily, and he knows i acknowledge that and everything he is i respect just like he respects me.

[yah]

This new job will probably pay him 22$ and hour. I think its a decent job but obviously not to them. I wonder why asians are so strick. Is this normal should i encourage him to do what he wants ?

 

$22/hr may sound decent at your age but don't be short-sighted. Look ahead into the future. To my Asian parents, $22/hr is squat. His family has probably sacrificed many years (generations?) so that he can have a bright future. It's not selfish, it's selfless.

 

To answer your questions-

YES, this is normal.

NO, you should encourage him to do what is most *beneficial* to him long-term. Imagine a world where 20-somethings were encouraged to do whatever it was they wanted, just because they felt like it momentarily. Yeesh.