Necris Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 I see these terms thrown around here alot in regards to dating, and they seem quite important as people seem to choose their mates based on these particular feelings. Unfortunately I don't understand what this is, I can guess, but I don't really understand it. What do people mean when they say they don't feel a "spark" or there is no "chemistry"? Personally I don't think I've ever felt like there was some sort of "spark" between me and a girl, but then again I don't what the term really means. Also how does one go about making someone feel this special "spark" or "chemistry".
Pyro Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 If you don't feel a spark/no chemistry it means that you don't share the same basic values, very little in common, and you can't imagine being in a relationship with that person. I'm sure someone else can put it in much better terms.
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 To me it means an attraction, wanting to spend more time with that person and wanting to touch them and kiss them They don't even have to be good looking, but there is something about them that turns you on and makes you feel excited. 1
MrCastle Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 It's an "it" factor that cannot be explained or measured. You either have "it" or you don't. Think of sports teams that have nothing but big stars. They don't always win the title. Sometimes the teams with only a handful of stars and a lot of role players are able to win the title, because all the pieces fit and everyone has their assigned role. There are people in life that just fit your personality like a lego. Whether their differences interest you, or their similarities make you feel like you've known them forever, they just have the right blend of personality traits that you need/want/look for subconsciously. 1
Author Necris Posted November 9, 2012 Author Posted November 9, 2012 It's an "it" factor that cannot be explained or measured. You either have "it" or you don't. Think of sports teams that have nothing but big stars. They don't always win the title. Sometimes the teams with only a handful of stars and a lot of role players are able to win the title, because all the pieces fit and everyone has their assigned role. There are people in life that just fit your personality like a lego. Whether their differences interest you, or their similarities make you feel like you've known them forever, they just have the right blend of personality traits that you need/want/look for subconsciously. Hmm... interesting so this is some form of attraction on the subconscious level? I guess there really isn't much you can do to affect this. As for fitting your personality like a lego, I'm not quite sure what you mean by this but I don't believe I've ever encountered this.
kiss_andmakeup Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 (edited) It is difficult to explain. I will tell you this. Of the first dates I have had, all the ones where I felt a "spark" did have a few things in common. Comfortable, free-flowing conversation, lots of laughs (on both sides), discussion of common interests, a definite mutual physical attraction, and a definite "I can't wait to hang out with this guy again" feeling. That's the best I can do, sorry! Edited November 9, 2012 by kiss_andmakeup
GirlontheLam Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 Emotional or physical. For me, the emotional chemistry is a feeling of either "I want to know everything about you, you are really interesting." Or "omg I feel like we have known each other forever." Or "wow I feel extraordinarily comfortable around you, like with my family or best friends." Or it is a combo of all 3. Physical chemistry: you want to touch them. Almost compulsively (feel free to replace with with other forms of physical affection). With other people, when you touch them there is a special bit of energy, almost a tingle when you make physical contact. And then of course there are the ones where the mere thought of being close to them turns you on. And/or a combo of all these feelings. When you feel it, you'll know. And if you are lucky you'll feel both with the same person.
MrCastle Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 Hmm... interesting so this is some form of attraction on the subconscious level? I guess there really isn't much you can do to affect this. As for fitting your personality like a lego, I'm not quite sure what you mean by this but I don't believe I've ever encountered this. It's just a situation where you simply fit together so well. Outside of just physical/sexual chemistry. You just connect as a person. Haven't you met girls that you just felt better about than others? Or that something was different with them? I can't explain it further than I already have but, basically it feels like they're reading your mind. There have been girls I've met that, the second we laid eyes on each other, it was just smooth sailing. You feel totally comfortable being yourself around them and whatnot, you're on this same, energetic wavelength and it's just beautiful. You'll know it when you feel it.
Marek Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 I see these terms thrown around here alot in regards to dating, and they seem quite important as people seem to choose their mates based on these particular feelings. Unfortunately I don't understand what this is, I can guess, but I don't really understand it. What do people mean when they say they don't feel a "spark" or there is no "chemistry"? Personally I don't think I've ever felt like there was some sort of "spark" between me and a girl, but then again I don't what the term really means. Also how does one go about making someone feel this special "spark" or "chemistry". What is it? It's a term women use when they find you physically unappealing. It's easy to brush someone off by saying there is no "chemistry." It's hard to be truthful and tell the other person you find them "ugly." Man, the "no chemistry" line has been used on me time and time again.
Titania22 Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 Isn't it, when they touch you and you feel static electricity on the inside of your body. 1
xxoo Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 Hmm... interesting so this is some form of attraction on the subconscious level? I guess there really isn't much you can do to affect this. I don't think there is a way to force it. But I do think there are ways to suppress it. Someone very shy or awkward with the opposite sex might not be interacting with others in a way that allows potential chemistry to reveal itself. If social skills are an issue, working on that could affect chances of developing chemistry with a woman.
Mrlonelyone Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 When people use terms like chemistry, spark, click etc to talk about wanting to date they are talking about an unconscious attraction. It does not have to be physical, at least not right away. One time I was at Home Depot trying to buy supplies to fence off part of my property. This random mexican guy, short, stocky, ugly face started to help me. As he did his expertise impressed me and I found my self turned on by how he acted. We exchanged numbers but nothing ever came of it. The spark/click/whatever was that he impressed me with his attitude and knowledge not his physical appearance. I've got simmilar stories about people warming up to me after getting to know me. It has to be said, there are women who use those terms just to mean the guy wasn't attractive enough for them. Women are trained in the US and UK that they aren't supposed to care about physical appearance so they will explain lack of horny as lack of spark. They are in fact not the same thing at all.
amaysngrace Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 A spark is an initial jolt that spikes your interest and chemistry is the synergy that follows. 1
EasyHeart Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 I think there are two aspects to "chemistry": physical and mental. The physical aspect is just physical attraction, or (more crassly) lust. It's what separates friends from girlfriends. Women I want to see nekkid are potential girlfriends, other women and all men (except Carson Palmer) are not. Once that initial threshold of physical attraction (which is 100% visual) has been passed, then I need to have some sort of mental attraction to a woman. Everyone has different criteria for mental attraction because it basically boils down to someone who thinks the same way as you do and has a similar outlook as you. For me, I look for things like optimism, curiosity, open-mindedness, and playfulness, but those things could be big turnoffs for other men. Both types of chemistry are 100% subjective and you can't argue someone into feeling chemistry. If you meet people in real life, then "chemistry" is usually mental. If I see an attractive woman and approach her, I know really quickly whether she is physically attracted to me, because she will shoot me down ASAP if she isn't. There's never any mention of "chemistry", simply because we never get past the physical attraction barrier. If we are both physically attracted, then we'll talk for a while to determine if there is any mental "chemistry". If you're doing OLD, it's kind of the same, only backwards. Since you can't see the other person, the first step is seeing if there is any mental chemistry. If there is, then you move on to meeting each other to see if there is any physical chemistry. So a lot depends on how you're meeting. If you're meeting in real life, then a lack of chemistry usually means mental attraction, because a woman who isn't attracted to you is just going to shoot you down and not talk to you, so there's never any mention of chemistry at a physical level. If you're doing OLD, on the other hand, a woman generally won't meet with you unless she's felt a little mental chemistry, so if she tells you "there's no chemistry" after you meet in person, it likely means she's not physically attracted to you. 1
betterdeal Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 Have you ever gotten so involved in something as to have lost track of time? Could be surfing, or playing Call of Duty or reading, or watching a really good film. Could be fantasising about someone you find really sexy. Could be running up a hill, or swimming against the tide. Just about anything that you get wrapped up in at the time, so much so that you stop thinking with words and instead have reached a fluid state of mind, where events and perceptions are very closely aligned. You internal dialogue is minimal: your feelings, actions, thoughts are all aligned and working together, and you're observing so much at the same time, wordlessly. You are liberated from your own inhibitions, from all the incessant nagging within. Your raw, animal self is free to do what it wants at that moment. And so is someone else's. And they both want to play with each other. That's what it's about.
Marek Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 I think there are two aspects to "chemistry": physical and mental. The physical aspect is just physical attraction, or (more crassly) lust. It's what separates friends from girlfriends. Women I want to see nekkid are potential girlfriends, other women and all men (except Carson Palmer) are not. Once that initial threshold of physical attraction (which is 100% visual) has been passed, then I need to have some sort of mental attraction to a woman. Everyone has different criteria for mental attraction because it basically boils down to someone who thinks the same way as you do and has a similar outlook as you. For me, I look for things like optimism, curiosity, open-mindedness, and playfulness, but those things could be big turnoffs for other men. Both types of chemistry are 100% subjective and you can't argue someone into feeling chemistry. If you meet people in real life, then "chemistry" is usually mental. If I see an attractive woman and approach her, I know really quickly whether she is physically attracted to me, because she will shoot me down ASAP if she isn't. There's never any mention of "chemistry", simply because we never get past the physical attraction barrier. If we are both physically attracted, then we'll talk for a while to determine if there is any mental "chemistry". If you're doing OLD, it's kind of the same, only backwards. Since you can't see the other person, the first step is seeing if there is any mental chemistry. If there is, then you move on to meeting each other to see if there is any physical chemistry. So a lot depends on how you're meeting. If you're meeting in real life, then a lack of chemistry usually means mental attraction, because a woman who isn't attracted to you is just going to shoot you down and not talk to you, so there's never any mention of chemistry at a physical level. If you're doing OLD, on the other hand, a woman generally won't meet with you unless she's felt a little mental chemistry, so if she tells you "there's no chemistry" after you meet in person, it likely means she's not physically attracted to you. About the bold: Hang on, women see your pics online before you meet. So she would already know whether you're physically attracted, right? (Assuming your photos are an accurate representation of your looks -- so no "my space" angles and so forth.)
EasyHeart Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 About the bold: Hang on, women see your pics online before you meet. So she would already know whether you're physically attracted, right? (Assuming your photos are an accurate representation of your looks -- so no "my space" angles and so forth.)Pictures aren't a substitute for reality.
Marek Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 Pictures aren't a substitute for reality. One girl told me, online, that I look like her "dream guy." So, maybe I'm more photogenic than others. But there is NO WAY I can come from looking like her "dream guy" to someone physically unattractive in person. Maybe I don't look quite as good in person, but to reiterate, there's no way I can go from "dream guy" to flat-out ugly.
Marek Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 Pictures aren't a substitute for reality. Have you seen pics of, say, Brad Pitt online? He looks great in photos, and looks just as good in person. So accurate photos can determine how good one looks in real life.
Mrlonelyone Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 Yeah if you post honest photo's then the person should still feel attracted after meeting you. Here's the thing about OLD, and even traditional dating. OLD offers a safe feeling of intimacy with someone who you can never be really truly intimate with. Real intimate connection with someone means that they can really hurt you when they reject you. So they get the affirmation of knowing they are hot enough to meet with. They get the false intimacy and ego boost of keeping your attention online. Then when things get real they have one meeting "no chemistry", or fade out, or just don't show up then chat online like that's ok.
AD1980 Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 I think thats a huge problem for me im kinda shy and quiet and until i get to really know you and what your about. I have a hard time being overly social when i firts meet someone and creating that initial spark or connection that women want right away which has hampered me from even getting a date no less creating interest while on one.. Though ive also been rejected by friends of friends who i knew for a long time and had more opportunity to create that spark or atraction.. maybe im just an unattractive bore..
GirlontheLam Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 About the bold: Hang on, women see your pics online before you meet. So she would already know whether you're physically attracted, right? (Assuming your photos are an accurate representation of your looks -- so no "my space" angles and so forth.) Yes, but it isn't as simple as being "Attractive." The physical chemistry can be surprisingly unrelated to looks. I can think of plenty of men I found attractive, but wasn't even remotely interested in pursuing. No "chemistry." In fact, I can think of one guy that works in my office. I can think of a dozen friends that would find him hot. And I am not even remotely interested (even though we get along well.) 2
ThaWholigan Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 Yes, but it isn't as simple as being "Attractive." The physical chemistry can be surprisingly unrelated to looks. I can think of plenty of men I found attractive, but wasn't even remotely interested in pursuing. No "chemistry." In fact, I can think of one guy that works in my office. I can think of a dozen friends that would find him hot. And I am not even remotely interested (even though we get along well.) This is actually quite accurate, and ties into my new theory about types.
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