KyleVladetich Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 O.k. So, this is my first thread so here it goes.. It will be one month on November 14th that me and my newly ex girlfriend (Victoria) have been split up. The 14th would mark our 3 years together. So here is where the title comes into play. My ex ended everything we had so she could experience what it's like to be single. Me being the type of guy that I am, said "O.K." and am letting her do her thing, I tried the no contact thing and was becoming successful at it but every time that I would hit a long streak she would text/call me. I know you are thinking "You shouldn't have answered" but I told her that whenever she wanted to talk whether she had a bad day, she didn't like what she was eating for dinner, etc. that she could call me. So this is partly my fault. Now she says she wants me to wait for her, that she loves me and misses me terribly and on this coming Wednesday we have made plans to meet up for dinner and maybe partake in "extracurricular activities" . I told her that I would absolutely love to have dinner with her, but I wasn't so sure that I wanted to do other things after dinner. Now normally I would have jumped all over that opportunity but this is where the pickle get's even bigger. My freshman year of high school I fell in love with this girl named Deanna. She cheated on me with a HUGE DOUSCHEBAG! I mean literally, not even a hobo looks as bad as him. Now Deanna contacted me last week to schedule a whole weekend for just me and her...Talk about timing... Deanna stole my heart and never gave it back. Now I can't get her off of my mind. The butterflies are starting to come back and my mind is now like a toddler drawing scribbly lines. I'm falling for her hard. Even worse is that I still love Victoria... I don't know what to do, I am so confused! Tomorrow night me and Deanna are getting dinner renting a movie and going back to my place. Now here is where the pickle GET'S EVEN BIGGER... Victoria has been getting jealous and mad every time she finds out I'm going on a date. So I made a promise to her that I would not go on any more dates.. and one day later Deanna comes back into my life... Someone help me. please.........
UpChuck Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 It depends on how you and Deanna ended. Did she cheat on you? I wouldn't even bring up that if she cheated on you during the course of the relationship, as for Victoria; maybe you should just not respond and go about your way and just have fun. Victoria stated she wanted to be single, if you are not letting her be single her respect for you will dwindle (You did good agreeing to it immediately though). Maybe you should go on that casual date with Deanna, but do not get to invested immediately. Why do you think Victoria didn't want you dating when she wanted to be single? The only thing being single entails is dating other people, could she not do everything else except dating other people? She WILL for a fact start to talk to new people, serious or not. Deanna should be casual as well as Victoria will 100% do the same. You just need to follow suite, and if Victoria really cares she will find it out herself, but you cannot HELP her feel good about her decision to find someone else. Any relationship where a girl wants to try to be single, entails other people. What else couldn't you do while you were together; thinking logically. 1
Author KyleVladetich Posted November 9, 2012 Author Posted November 9, 2012 Well, here is the thing... I don't know if Deanna cheated on me..The other thing is that I know Victoria way to well that I KNOW she isn't talking to anybody else. She wants to try a day to day basis with me...Everyone says go on the date with Deanna, but let me ask you this...If someone stole your heart and never gave it back would you give them a second chance?
UpChuck Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 I don't understand how you can try from a day to day basis if you did nothing wrong. She didn't put any fault of the relationship on you, and if you didn't. Maybe she really wants to try being single but doesn't like being alone. So those days she will be alone you'll be there for her, but she won't have to hold herself for only you. You big ol' teddy bear such a nice guy. And how did you and Deanna end then? If you are still resenting her from the past, then leave it in the past. If you could be okay with you and Deanna developing to something more, then why not go on a little date? You two are broken up.
Author KyleVladetich Posted November 9, 2012 Author Posted November 9, 2012 Victoria's means for breaking up was to A.) experience life being single and B.) experience life without me... I love this girl with all of my life... I picture myself proposing to her and eventually marrying her. So I want to wait, but I also don't want to be hung up in the closet like a winter coat, to be only worn when you absolutely need it... I'm torn with this decision and I'm afraid that if I leave Victoria then I won't be happy and if I don't go with Deanna then I won't be happy... p.s. A big ole' teddy bear is an understatement
UpChuck Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 (edited) Dude you're actually making me sick. You contradict yourself. You don't want to leave Victoria? She already F$%^ing left you dude, that makes NO sense. You're thinking purely with your heart. Sure, the heart has alot of power but it never makes sense. 1) How would she experience life being single? Answer: By seeing other people 2) How would she see what life was like without you? Answer: By you not being there. The first one, she will do on her own. The second one, you won't let her accomplish because her heart doesn't like to be alone and your holding onto something that already broke up with you. She is 100% already using you as a coat. A coat of security and ego enhancement at any time she pleases. Im glad you're a hopeless romantic, but you'll be left harder on your ass as you have no foundation for yourself. Re-read what you post and what you're actually doing. You should have said OK (Like you did) and cut her off. When she realizes what a mistake after actually leaving you and experiencing being single, she will make her way back to you. If she doesn't, well that's fine too. Life is an experience and shes flipping to another chapter and you're stuck on the page just before it ends. If your relying on somebody else to structure your happiness, then you are already destined to failure. You're going to come off terrible to Deanna as is. If you absolutely need someone in your life, you will fail. You met this girl persumably when you were already happy by yourself (Victoria) and then when you made the transition that you couldn't be happy without her, she left you! And if you met Victoria and you were still hurting and unhappy with yourself, it had the same outcome as she again left. Not saying she doesn't have her own problems; you need to see the picture for what it is and not see an encrypted message. Seriously, you need time for yourself to think this through as-well. She LEFT you. Edited November 9, 2012 by UpChuck 1
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