DLM1977 Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 About three weeks ago I found out my gf of nearly three years set up a Facebook acct. just a few days later she was getting messages from an ex bf from about 15 years ago. I know this because she was sitting on the couch next to me checking her emails from my laptop one night. I saw the email from Facebook saying she had an new message from mike. I asked her what was up with him messaging her and she just blew it off. I haven't said anymore about it since that night. As far as I know they are not friends on Facebook, they just been messaging each other every other day since. When I tried friending her when I found out she had the acct, she ignored my request so I thought it was strange... A few days ago she left her page up and I saw the messages. For the most part they are innocent. But I clearly get the impression from this guy he wants to continue talking and wants to be friends and possibly more. I can clearly see him crossing the line here shortly. I have concerns because she cheated on her husband with this guy 15+ years ago. So it is in the back of my mind. I personally have a FB acct also, but rarely use it. My gf knows I feel it's nothing but trouble. An I being overly worried here or do I have a right to be concerned?
Author DLM1977 Posted November 9, 2012 Author Posted November 9, 2012 you have the right to be concerned. since she knows you have a problem with it, then she should have deleted him no questions asked. what is the point of messaging this person if it is causing problems with yall? why cause problems in your household for someone that doesn't mean anything to her.......something sounds fishy. I didn't directly mention having an issue with her messaging him, but I'm sure she knows I don't agree with it. She clearly knows how I feel about Facebook in generally. I've told her many times people get to talking to their ex and trouble begins... If she continues talking to him and even friends him after ignoring my request this will def create a problem. She has my FB password and can log on any time she wants. Idk what she is expecting from him and this communication. Especially when she knows I'd be against it. He last messaged her on tues, she has not replied yet. They clearly ended te rel in a bad note all those years ago. His last message said "didn't I say 19 years ago we'd...."
Emilia Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 I didn't directly mention having an issue with her messaging him, but I'm sure she knows I don't agree with it. She clearly knows how I feel about Facebook in generally. I've told her many times people get to talking to their ex and trouble begins... If she continues talking to him and even friends him after ignoring my request this will def create a problem. She has my FB password and can log on any time she wants. Idk what she is expecting from him and this communication. Especially when she knows I'd be against it. He last messaged her on tues, she has not replied yet. They clearly ended te rel in a bad note all those years ago. His last message said "didn't I say 19 years ago we'd...." I think the two of you might not be compatible. While I would always friend the person I was seeing on my facebook and I can see why you are not comfortable that she isn't doing this, I find your attitude quite controlling. The bolded parts make me think you lecture her or certainly that your views are very rigid. It might be that she is up to something but equally it could be that she isn't prepared to share everything with you because of your rigidity and desire for control.
Author DLM1977 Posted November 9, 2012 Author Posted November 9, 2012 I think the two of you might not be compatible. While I would always friend the person I was seeing on my facebook and I can see why you are not comfortable that she isn't doing this, I find your attitude quite controlling. The bolded parts make me think you lecture her or certainly that your views are very rigid. It might be that she is up to something but equally it could be that she isn't prepared to share everything with you because of your rigidity and desire for control. No not at all. We openly discussed FB many times regarding issues you hear people have. I never told her not to have one ect... But I did share my opinion on it. Certainly never lectured her.
Author DLM1977 Posted November 13, 2012 Author Posted November 13, 2012 Yesterday morn her and I discussed her messaging her ex. I made it perfectly clear about how I feel about it. I didn't tell her I had read the mes last week. I told her my opinion on what his intentions were. She said she hadn't responded to him in a week. When I came home from work yesterday eve, I saw she responded to him. Said before she moved out of her home and into our apart tog she found a letter from him and a $20 bill that was torn in half and asked him what it was for. He reponsponed to what the torn bill was for plus added he wanted to meet her for lunch and left his numb in the mes for her to call him. Now she already knew what the torn bill was for because I questioned it when I helped her move. So clearly she was Asking him a question she knew the answer to. She didn't respond to his lunch question yet. When we discussed this yes morn she made it clear try had a bad breakup and didn't want the memories coming back and seemed stressed by the fact he contacted her. I feel like she completely ignored my concernes and maybe letting this get out of control by not telling him to beat it. Thoughts?
Author DLM1977 Posted November 13, 2012 Author Posted November 13, 2012 Tell her that you have no problem with him meeting the both of you for lunch to catch up on old times. Seriously? Is that a good idea?
shayla Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 I think that the way you feel now is a result of you getting involved with a woman that you knew was already a cheater. And now you feel you cannot trust her. Otherwise you would allow her to handle this with no worries. 1
Author DLM1977 Posted November 13, 2012 Author Posted November 13, 2012 I think that the way you feel now is a result of you getting involved with a woman that you knew was already a cheater. And now you feel you cannot trust her. Otherwise you would allow her to handle this with no worries. I said what I had to say to her. Now I'm just hound to see how she handles this. Then ill make a a decision
Author DLM1977 Posted November 13, 2012 Author Posted November 13, 2012 I said what I had to say to her. Now I'm just hound to see how she handles this. Then ill make a a decision She just admitted that he indicated to her in the pm that he wants more. I did I admit to already knowing what he wrote to her and when I asked what he said, she refused to tell me. She just said "I have it under control". Doesn't look to me like she has it under control if she is mentioning a letter and money they split back in the day.
Author DLM1977 Posted December 5, 2012 Author Posted December 5, 2012 Just a little update. When her and I had our last talk she admitted she didn't like the direction the convo in which she was having with her ex so she stopped replying to her. There has not been any messages from each other for about 4 weeks now. The last message she received from him was asking her to call him and he wrote his numb down. I thought it was strange that he would just give up so easy and not respond further if she hasn't. I remember her saying he was very persistent when try first met. A few days ago she left her phone at home when she went to work so I took theopportunity to look in her phone contacts as I have his number so I know what I'm looking for. I didn't see any signs of communication so I looked in her notepad she has in the tool section of her phone and sure enough his numb was stored in there on Nov 19th. I asked her about it and she orig said we were having prob two mints ago so that's why she talked to him, she wanted to see how far she could take it, but realized it made her uncomfy. She swore to me the only reason she stored his numb was only because she recently lost her job and he might be able to help her obtain a new job in the same field. She contradicted herself when I questioned her and said she never called him, or sent any text messages. When I first asked her she lied and said she never put it in her phone, but when she realized I'd really found it she simply said she forgot. After all this I don't believe a word she says. She lied, hid it from me and admitted she was confused and wanted to see how far she could take it but never called him. She apologized for talking to him and taking his numb, but a part of me believes se may have called him? Her ex bf also deleted his acct about two weeks ago strangely enough...
NiceGuyDTW Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 About three weeks ago I found out my gf of nearly three years set up a Facebook acct. just a few days later she was getting messages from an ex bf from about 15 years ago. I know this because she was sitting on the couch next to me checking her emails from my laptop one night. I saw the email from Facebook saying she had an new message from mike. I asked her what was up with him messaging her and she just blew it off. I haven't said anymore about it since that night. As far as I know they are not friends on Facebook, they just been messaging each other every other day since. When I tried friending her when I found out she had the acct, she ignored my request so I thought it was strange... A few days ago she left her page up and I saw the messages. For the most part they are innocent. But I clearly get the impression from this guy he wants to continue talking and wants to be friends and possibly more. I can clearly see him crossing the line here shortly. I have concerns because she cheated on her husband with this guy 15+ years ago. So it is in the back of my mind. I personally have a FB acct also, but rarely use it. My gf knows I feel it's nothing but trouble. An I being overly worried here or do I have a right to be concerned? I was married for almost 10 years. My wife at the time made a connection with a HS friend of hers from 20yrs ago. A month later he drove 800mi to bang her in a hotel room near our home, while her parents were home taking care of the kids. Mind you we are both well educated (salary 100k+). My point...where there is smoke, there's fire. And if she cheated before, there is a high likelihood it could happen again. Be concerned, but nothing you can do about it really.
rocketman122 Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 this is escalating. its in her mind. be careful here. once a cheater always a cheater. you have every right to be cautious. dont let it keep cooking.
Author DLM1977 Posted December 19, 2012 Author Posted December 19, 2012 this is escalating. its in her mind. be careful here. once a cheater always a cheater. you have every right to be cautious. dont let it keep cooking. Yes she stopped talking to him. But I still can't trust her. I'm learning we just might not be compatible. I love her dearly, but a small part of her raises red flags. I know I can find someone better if I looked but its not easy to let go, feel like if I don't ill only get hurt...
Sugarkane Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 I find the whole situation dodgy. She contradicts herself? Why even bother with an ex that ridiculously long ago? Why aren't they over it? Why now? I can't blame you for being paranoid, just look at the breaking up section. I wouldn't contact an ex especially in a relationship, if my boyfriend didn't like it.
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