QdB Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 I was a doormat for 2 years after the break up smh hung around as a friend thinking somewhere down the line she'll realize she wanted and needed me. All the while I never allowed myself to go thru the process of getting over her. My first love...looking back on it now I made it so much easier for her I get over me. I validated her decision that we were best as friends by being her friend. I'm not too mad at myself because I had never been a relationship before let alone in love. Man did I learn a lot...a lot about myself, women, and relationships. Ill never give a woman that much power over me again. You have to love yourself as much as you do them, not more. I finally did was best for me after 2 years of pining over this girl, longing for her for so long...just to be treated like an option smh thing is she wasn't even that good of a friend. It was a one way streak. If I didn't contact her we would have never talked much. Told her that I would appreciate it if we never spoke again. Of course she thinks I'm exaggerating after learning that she with someone else and that I'm just hurt right now but truth is...what's the point in knowing her all together? Only one thing happens: my feelings get hurt...constantly smh it's time to finally exit stage left...and I'm happy to go lol for 2 years I've felt devalued. Nearly worthless. Before I met her i never in my life suffered from low confidence, low self esteem, frustration, and sadness. And I never experienced heartache before and as I believe most can attest to, it the worst pain someone can go through. It's been 2 months since I told her that and I've not once been tempted to call. I will never call her. I will never be there for her in her time of need...and that's saying a lot but she wouldn't be there for me so...smh I'm ready to go now. There's nothing left for me there. All things have been said and done. I gave it my best effort. It wasn't good enough for her. I allowed her to have her cake and eat it too...while baking another cake lol Her lost... But dammit why did it take me this long to quit trying???smh I had to hear that she was passionate about another dude before I realized it was time to roll out??? Lol C'mon man lol love is blind an it'll have you reasoning in ways that make no sense whatsoever I'm a strong dude emotionally but I'm still a very nice guy. Everyone that knew before this relationship was surprised that it affected me so much but in all honesty...the 4 years that I knew her (2 together, 2 as a doormat) was a life changing/altering experience. I'm very changed by this for the good, but also the bad. I fear that my heart will be become so dark that I won't be open to the idea of loving a woman again. Why would I give a person sooo much power over me again? It doesn't compute? Why subject myself to the possibility of a total let down? And even if I didn't think it was stupid, even if I wanted it, could my heart even do it again after being hurt so badly? Is it even possible? I know many of you will say yes but that's because you don't know me. I'd never thought I would be in love a woman let alone as much as I loved her Oh well, finally starting the healing process. Could have been long pass this but I was a complete sucker for love lol Please chime in
PYTpisces Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 :-( you sound like a great guy sorry you have to go through this. The pain will fade with time and there is a lucky girl (or girls) out there who deserves you and you her. Hold on to that faith and thanks for posting here. Stay strong!! Also, Im glad to see (from what i can tell through your post) that you didn't let this affect your self esteem in a disaterous way. GOOD! so many people fail to realize that relationships break, but it does not mean you are broken.
Author QdB Posted November 8, 2012 Author Posted November 8, 2012 :-( you sound like a great guy sorry you have to go through this. The pain will fade with time and there is a lucky girl (or girls) out there who deserves you and you her. Hold on to that faith and thanks for posting here. Stay strong!! Also, Im glad to see (from what i can tell through your post) that you didn't let this affect your self esteem in a disaterous way. GOOD! so many people fail to realize that relationships break, but it does not mean you are broken. Thanx a lot. Really appreciate it. I know life happens so we'll see how it goes post-first love lost lol
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