mishy Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 I know nobody believes me that i want to stop this. I was doing SO well this past week or so, and then slept with him yesterday. Probably one of the stupidest things i have ever done. But the way i felt after was horrible, i dont want to go through that again. I shouldnt have done it and i am not contacting him and not replying to any contact. 1
geegirl Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 I know nobody believes me that i want to stop this. I was doing SO well this past week or so, and then slept with him yesterday. Probably one of the stupidest things i have ever done. But the way i felt after was horrible, i dont want to go through that again. I shouldnt have done it and i am not contacting him and not replying to any contact. Keep coming here and posting and venting. Just keep moving forward. Feel the pain and grieve the loss, Mishy. That is all you can do. But things will get better. It won't always be this way.
Author mishy Posted November 8, 2012 Author Posted November 8, 2012 Keep coming here and posting and venting. Just keep moving forward. Feel the pain and grieve the loss, Mishy. That is all you can do. But things will get better. It won't always be this way. People think i dont want to get out of it. This guy hasn't given me any real happiness at all! ever! Ive never stuck around people who havent made me happy, thats why it makes no sense.
geegirl Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 (edited) People think i dont want to get out of it. This guy hasn't given me any real happiness at all! ever! Ive never stuck around people who havent made me happy, thats why it makes no sense. It's an addiction. Like an addict trying to get one last fix. Your self-esteem has also taken a huge hit and you've settled for far less than you deserve because you've devalued yourself. We've all been there and I know it's hard detach but you have to stick this one through. Detoxification. Feel the pain, the discomfort, the hurt, and the loss and that is the only way you get to the other side. Going back to the one that is your source of pain will keep you where you are. Going back to your drug, keeps you an addict. I think it's hard for people see you continue a pattern and when you're looking from the outside, it just seems unimaginable. Don't be so hard on yourself. It's bad enough he's beaten you to a pulp. Time to dust off and jump on the NC wagon again. And if he ever shows up unexpectedly, please do not let him in and do not speak to him. When you are at your lowest, you cannot trust yourself to make right decisions or handle situations that may just pull you right back in. Be kind to yourself and start your journey. Edited November 8, 2012 by geegirl 1
Author mishy Posted November 9, 2012 Author Posted November 9, 2012 I don't think most people here think you don't want to get out of it, I think they believe that you're addicted to the drama. You know the guy doesn't care about you, that he creates nothing but pain, and that he is just using you...but the pain and the chaos feed some need in you. When you're really over it, you'll look back and marvel over how you let yourself get into this space. It's not love, it's not respect, it's not warmth, or any of the things a real relationship should be about. It's just a way to remind yourself you're still alive and that someone wants you, if only as a whipping girl and sperm receptacle. thankyou, yes I am just a sperm receptacle. Still NC
Author mishy Posted November 9, 2012 Author Posted November 9, 2012 (edited) I really really want to get away from this guy, and if i can internalize how he views me and what it is, then yes you are right, by brain will make the shift instead of this stupid infatuation. Even when he was here the other day he said i was infatuated with him.(using that word) So he knows he can do what he likes. I want to see this in the same way he sees me. Having said that, on a side note, I may be a sperm/ cum receptacle but also he is a sperm depositor, he is no better than me, the fact that i am female shouldnt make me "less". Anyway Monica, give it to me, tell me exactly how it is, be as harsh as you like, i want to get away from this situation and want to hear it Edited November 9, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author mishy Posted November 9, 2012 Author Posted November 9, 2012 (edited) The thing i need to drum in to me is that i mean nothing to him, uses me for sex when convenient, he sees me as an object, not a person. I need to stay away from him. I keep thinking about how he is probably treating her like a princess and that hurts. When he came over i did find out a bit more. I asked him why he was never prepared to go out to movies or dinner with me, but he is willing to do it with her. He got all indignant, saying i do not know him at all and that i am just assuming that they do that, and that they don't "do much" of that. Meaning i guess all they do is screw i guess, (that hurt). I know what he does with her is irrelevant. It just hurts a bit less if i know he is going to treat her the same- just want sex, not want to go anywhere, be controlling. I know i shouldnt even be thinking about her!! I know!! Edited November 9, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author mishy Posted November 9, 2012 Author Posted November 9, 2012 Mishy, You are not a prostitute or a "cum receptacle" in the least. You know why? It's because you will never ever engage this man again. You are absolutely and unequivocally finished having sex with this man. HE is the one who views you as these vulgar and disgusting things. He can only use you if you let him. NC has begun again, but this time you will succeed. I've finished. Nothings ever going to change with him, no matter how many times i let him make his deposit.
geegirl Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 I'm not giving you a lesson in communication. That is why I stated "I WISH PEOPLE WOULD" when expressing my opinion. I even stated that everyone has their own posting style but it just rubbed me the wrong way and it's just my 2 cents. I never said you have to post based on what works for me, but just an opinion as to why the need. Back to Mishy. Sorry for the thread jack.
Author mishy Posted November 10, 2012 Author Posted November 10, 2012 Seriously, no shock was intended. I'm not one to sugarcoat, but I chose the least offensive option I could think of. I don't know how else to say it. You were used as a means of gratification by someone who did not feel for you the same things you felt for him. The fact that he came back, not to tell you he wants you back or is sorry or cares for you or wants you around as a friend, but simply for "one more time" should be an indication of what sort of gratification it was. Again, I'm sorry if I didn't couch the terms in a way that was more user friendly, I just don't have the vocabulary for it. The saddest bit is it really wasn't NSA sex, you were a masturbatory tool for someone you developed strong feelings for. By all means, use a man as a depositor if you can and he's cool with it (I wouldn't advise trying to take advantage of anyone though, as many men do want a relationship and will feel just as misused as you do right now)...and that's what you really want to do. It honestly might do you a bit of good right now if you can swing it, no joke. i have thought about sleeping with someone else to forget him, but i really i think i'll wait til i find someone for a proper relationship. I would do everything differently next time around. Funny you say that about friends, after sex he did say he wanted to be friends, but i don't know what that would consist of. We have only ever had sex. Which is probably why he texted me later wanting another one more time.
Under The Radar Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 i have thought about sleeping with someone else to forget him, but i really i think i'll wait til i find someone for a proper relationship. I would do everything differently next time around. Funny you say that about friends, after sex he did say he wanted to be friends, but i don't know what that would consist of. We have only ever had sex. Which is probably why he texted me later wanting another one more time. Yes, wait to have sex in an exclusive relationship. Personally, I have had sex to get over my ex and it only made me feel worse. It did nothing to expedite my healing process. I just made comparisons between my ex and the new girl. Since I was still emotionally attached to my ex, it felt empty. If I could take it back I would. I didn't use her for sex. We were friends, she was attracted to me, and one thing led to another. It happened over the holidays last year. I put an end to it pretty quickly so that neither of us would get hurt. She respected my honesty and we are still friends to this day. You want and deserve a man who will treat you special. He would be committed, complimentary, and loving towards you. The kind of guy who would tell you how beautiful you are and act upon it in a romantic way. Flowers, dinners, and regular phone calls would be the norm. You know, the whole nine yards. This guy you are currently distraught over is a user. He is getting FREE SEX without being a faithful boyfriend to you. In other words, he is getting the royal treatment in girlfriend privledges without reciprocating in the least. As long as he can get you to give it up for free, he'll keep coming back. This guy is as predictable as the sun that sets each day. You are a WAY better catch than he will ever be.
Own Worst Enemy Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 So long as you can now make it two steps forward. Ok yes in an ideal world you'd have stuck to no contact. But you didn't. And now you regret it. Try and take the good out of all this pain... Remembering how you felt when he walked away, or how you feel now, might stop you reaching out to this braindead spineless looooooooser ever ever ever again!
Author mishy Posted November 10, 2012 Author Posted November 10, 2012 Yes, wait to have sex in an exclusive relationship. Personally, I have had sex to get over my ex and it only made me feel worse. It did nothing to expedite my healing process. I just made comparisons between my ex and the new girl. Since I was still emotionally attached to my ex, it felt empty. If I could take it back I would. I didn't use her for sex. We were friends, she was attracted to me, and one thing led to another. It happened over the holidays last year. I put an end to it pretty quickly so that neither of us would get hurt. She respected my honesty and we are still friends to this day. You want and deserve a man who will treat you special. He would be committed, complimentary, and loving towards you. The kind of guy who would tell you how beautiful you are and act upon it in a romantic way. Flowers, dinners, and regular phone calls would be the norm. You know, the whole nine yards. This guy you are currently distraught over is a user. He is getting FREE SEX without being a faithful boyfriend to you. In other words, he is getting the royal treatment in girlfriend privledges without reciprocating in the least. As long as he can get you to give it up for free, he'll keep coming back. This guy is as predictable as the sun that sets each day. You are a WAY better catch than he will ever be. i think i would compare it too, and i can see i would regret sex. Thats what got me the whole time, that he coudlnt see i was a catch and refuse to give me a chance. I even said that to him teh other day, that he didnt give me a chance, and all he could say was that i was being negative, and seeing it negatively Oh, and i forgot this gem, as he was leaving after telling me it had to be the last time for sex, he said "i dont want to sound big headed but lots of people want to have sex with me" (as in well stiff bikkies its just the way it is)
Under The Radar Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 i think i would compare it too, and i can see i would regret sex. Thats what got me the whole time, that he coudlnt see i was a catch and refuse to give me a chance. I even said that to him teh other day, that he didnt give me a chance, and all he could say was that i was being negative, and seeing it negatively Oh, and i forgot this gem, as he was leaving after telling me it had to be the last time for sex, he said "i dont want to sound big headed but lots of people want to have sex with me" (as in well stiff bikkies its just the way it is) I don't want to sound big headed, but I don't want to have sex with him
Author mishy Posted November 10, 2012 Author Posted November 10, 2012 I don't want to sound big headed, but I don't want to have sex with him LOL neither do I, but i mean who says that?
Under The Radar Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 LOL neither do I, but i mean who says that? A delusional narcissist
Own Worst Enemy Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 Doesn't mean it's true! He probably thinks the women on his precious bus want to have s*x with him because they ask him for a "return"...
Author mishy Posted November 10, 2012 Author Posted November 10, 2012 Doesn't mean it's true! He probably thinks the women on his precious bus want to have s*x with him because they ask him for a "return"...[/quote The day he texted me to tell me that he had met this girl, i rang him and he said rather coldy. "Well i know a lot of people and im just letting everyone know i am not available". So it was then that i realised he probably has a LOT of women hung up on him, or women that try and sleep with him. it was pretty gross the way he said it.
Own Worst Enemy Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 Ok he got under your skin but you're only one girl. He doesn't sound like any sort of a catch! 1
Author mishy Posted November 10, 2012 Author Posted November 10, 2012 so you dont believe him? Maybe he is trying to make himself sound sought after Well he is definately no catch by cheating on his gf with me on thursday.
Author mishy Posted November 11, 2012 Author Posted November 11, 2012 3 days NC, i am not sleeping with him again, despite what people are saying. I am allowed a mistake, it doesnt mean there is no hope for me
Under The Radar Posted November 11, 2012 Posted November 11, 2012 3 days nc, i am not sleeping with him again, despite what people are saying. I am allowed a mistake, it doesnt mean there is no hope for me prove it !!! :)
Author mishy Posted November 11, 2012 Author Posted November 11, 2012 prove it !!! :) I am proving it , every hour every day i stay NC is one step closer to being free of the pattern completely
GwynethR77 Posted November 11, 2012 Posted November 11, 2012 Sounds like a part of you may (dont know the whole story) but still want him. Addiction is only good whenever it is to a good thing, you decide what happens ultimately. If he treats you right then stay but if you are fed up and know nothing will ever change of course end that rerlationship.
Author mishy Posted November 12, 2012 Author Posted November 12, 2012 (edited) I feel quite resolved that i wont be repeating last weeks encounter I really have to remember how i felt afterwards, even though i feel fine now. Just have been reflecting on things he used to do. I could say all the nice things to him in the world (or text them) you know saying nice things about him, compliments. He'd lap it all up and love it, carry on with the back and forth but wouldnt actually say anything nice back in return about me. Then normally what would happen is i would ask to see him and he would say he something like , can't do anything at the moment, too busy . Just cold. Then id be thinking what just happened? He did that quite a few times. Always seemed to be this emotional push and pull. Nc isnt that hard when you start really thinking about things they used to do, and you just think well whats the point of contacting them. Will just be the same old sh^t ****** Edited November 12, 2012 by mishy
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