lmarie Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 I have been with my bf for the past 6 years. I have stuck with him through some pretty rough times and no matter how badly I thought I wanted to I never left him. After being together so long I think I just took him for granted and did not make him feel appreciated. When we would argue about it he would be more on the attack instead of just talking so my defenses went up and I acted more like an uncaring bitch when I didn't really feel that way. We got into a fight where he attacked I shut down 2 weeks ago and he left. I was so mad at the time I thought that I would be happier and better off but now I am regretting not stopping him from walking out the door every second of every day. After about a week I began to open up about how I feel that I love him and miss him very much. He goes through times of anger, times where I get an ok response, and right now ignoring me seems like. Last Friday he said he wanted to talk and he stayed the night. We both poured our hearts out and I came away from that night thinking we were going to try and work on things. After I got home from work he said he had a few things to do and would be back in an hour. I literally was counting the minutes I was so happy only to get a text from him that he wasn't coming. I feel like he is just blocking me out and I can't stand it, I miss him We have 2 babies together so no contact is not possible but after the frantic texts and making a fool of myself I have started only letting myself message about the children nothing more. Ok so it's only day 2 and it's soooo hard! He drops the babies off and just walks away ugh I was even set off this morning by a can of bug spray LOL it reminded me of the fin we had this past summer. Anyway I am at a point where I just don't know what to do. It is right before the Holidays, a time I love and this year I can't imagine how I will get through like this. I read reviews on the text your ex back program that sounds awesome but I can't afford it. I may say screw the $$ and try it anyway can't get any worse I guess but even if I try getting through a couple weeks of nc aside from necessary communication is torture. I wish he would just put his hurt aside and give me a chance to show him that I see what I did and want to fix it. I know that he misses me and loves me but hes very hurt. Then from my pov if he loves me how can he let me cry myself to sleep every night and not even care? I need some way to get through this, some light at the end of this dark tunnel. He is the one and I was so dumb to lose sight of that any advise support is appreciated I feel very alone
Dagorath Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 The wound is fresh. You have to let it heal. He's afraid because he thinks his emotions are tricking him into falling into the same trap. You need to play it cool for a bit and then prove to him that you are different. Don't be on the offensive for once. It sounds like he's just wants to be independent for a while and see where that takes him. There's no doubt that he will miss you, but he's not going to miss the fighting. If you appear to be that same person, he's going to push even further away. Guilt trips don't tend to work. You can't tell him that you cry yourself to sleep - if you are thinking of doing that - don't. Just tell him that you miss him and what you used to have. But be calm and strong. Take it in small steps. Go to lunch with him and be understanding and compassionate. Make a point to talk things out, and don't let it rush right back into an emotional waterfall. You both need to reach the decision to be together or not, logically - that will take time and understanding by both sides.
Author lmarie Posted November 8, 2012 Author Posted November 8, 2012 (edited) Thank You! I am trying very hard to avoid any arguement or conflict and stick to just communicating about the kids. I made the common mistakes of the desperate texts and all but didn't realize until I did some research what mistakes I was making so I have stopped doing that the past couple of days (which is how long it has been since I realized how dumb that was) He is a person that really has a need to feel needed, wanted, and appreciated so I am struggeling with a few ways to proceed. I see a lot about NC and abcence makes the heart grow fonder and all. I also would like to give him some space to calm down so we can eventually talk without all that anger present which is why nc unless its about the babies. On the other hand, if I totally refrain from giving any insight at all into my feelings and that I do love and appreciate him then he's right back where he started thinking I do not care and may not open up when he is ready thinking that I would reject him. He is also afraid of rejection. Or is this too new and just moving on is better so many things to think about but I chose to join this site so I wouldnt feel alone in this anymore so thank you for answering that is very helpful insight. I let family, money, daily stress just suck the life out of things time to snap myself out of this and let myself be the person I once was Edited November 8, 2012 by lmarie
Author lmarie Posted November 8, 2012 Author Posted November 8, 2012 Also just wanted to clarify when I said right now I am trying NC aside from things with the children I am doing this to let him have some space without my feelings being shoved down his throat for a period of time of which I really dont know whats best but not the NC with no end in site to move on as I am still hoping that we can fix this and be a stronger couple at the end. Could be fooling myself here but I hope not
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