ShyOne82 Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 I met a much older man who I thought was in his early 40s. Turns out he is 46 years old. I like him alot and I have a hard time expressing this to my friends without them cringing. He takes pretty good care of himself and looks much younger than he is, but the age gap is still significant. I am 27 years old. Now, when I was 19 I dated a 32 year old and at 22, a 35 year old. In my mid 20s I started dealing with much younger guys and they just didnt do it for me. I do like them older but how old is too old? I am almost 30.. so it isn't that bad, right? We have alot in common and rarely do I think about his age. Any advice????
Anela Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 That's up to you. If you seem to be well-matched, and you're enjoying your time with him, then it's your business. 8
River Rain Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 That's up to you. If you seem to be well-matched, and you're enjoying your time with him, then it's your business. Exactly, don't rely on what your friends think. Go with your heart and your level of compatibility. 3
Nyla Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 "Too old" is relative to what you are comfortable with. If I was 27, I wouldn't look at someone who was in his late forties. However, that is merely my preference. When I was 27, my husband was 35. Now if you are comfortable with the age difference, go right ahead and date this man. Just be aware of the potential pitfalls of an significantly older partner and think about whether or not you can handle them. 1
Daniel V. Ross Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 For me, age doesn't matter as long as your partner loves you.
VodkaShots Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 Big age gaps like that aren't really my thing, but obviously they do it for you, since you've done it twice before so you already have a bit of experience with it. I say go for it.
BrokenPrincess Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 It may be too early to think about with this relationship, but if you want kids, that could be an issue if he thinks the fatherhood ship has sailed for him. Otherwise, I don't think he's too old. My good friends married when she was 24 & he was 40 (both wanted kids) and they've been completely happy. Once I first saw them together, I wasn't concerned about the age gap because they are totally in sync (and still are, 2 kids later). 1
Author ShyOne82 Posted November 23, 2012 Author Posted November 23, 2012 Well, things have progressed since my last post. We are getting closer and closer to a relationship.. but I am still getting to know him. I like em older, but I never thought I would fall for a man that old.. and he is Asian. I am African American.. one friend of mine said ewww Asian men don't age well.. and that kind of scared me.. lol smh. My guy is perfect for right now.. and it sucks that he is gonna look old sooner than I.. Hmm.. something I need to think about.. and if I can accept him as he ages :/
LittleTiger Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 My guy is perfect for right now.. and it sucks that he is gonna look old sooner than I.. Hmm.. something I need to think about.. and if I can accept him as he ages :/ If you fall in love with him, you won't give a damn what he looks like as he ages. What you do need to think about though is health issues. He will, most likely, become 'aged' 20 years before you do. You could find yourself becoming his carer when you're only in your 40s. If you're lucky, you'll both stay fit and healthy well into old age but you might not. You're also virtually guaranteed to be a widow by the time you reach 70. Just something to think about. 4
MyPoutine Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 The first person to talk out your fears with is your bf. Let him know so you both have a clear understanding of where you are mentally. I always say love whomever you want as long as both of you are legal. The relationship will be between the two of you, nobody else will have to go through the day to day of it but the two of you. If you want children plan it realistically, maintain a healthy lifestyle so that he doesn't "tire" out by 60. Just enjoy your life and your love, if you love him and he loves you nothing else should matter. 1
Emilia Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 What you do need to think about though is health issues. He will, most likely, become 'aged' 20 years before you do. You could find yourself becoming his carer when you're only in your 40s. Very good point. He is fit currently and hopefully he will stay that way but from what I have seen, a lot of people age rather fast once they hit around 55, certainly 60. There is also the question of libido. Women hit their peak usually any time from their mid-30s to their 40s but with a 20 year age gap that could become a discrepancy between the two of you. Just make sure you think this through. 1
stillafool Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 Asian people age well. I think your friend is wrong. 2
KathyM Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 Twenty years is a pretty big gap in age. Being in a different stage of life than your SO can be difficult and disappointing. What will you do when you are 40 with still plenty of energy and in the throws of parenthood, needing a partner who has the energy level that you do to help raise those children, and he is 60 and slowing down, wanting to take it easy and thinking about retirement? What about when you are 50 and he is 70 and having health problems? What about when you are 60 and wanting someone to grow old with and he is 80 and already at the end of his life? Something to think about, anyway. The gap may not seem insurmountable right now when he still has his health and some energy to keep up with you, but that gap will also become more and more obvious as you get older. 1
FitChick Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 It depends on what type of relationship you want. My friend was twice divorced in her mid-forties and had a boyfriend in his late twenties. She already had kids, didn't want to remarry and they stayed together about five years before she kicked him out.
Author ShyOne82 Posted December 1, 2012 Author Posted December 1, 2012 Twenty years is a pretty big gap in age. Being in a different stage of life than your SO can be difficult and disappointing. What will you do when you are 40 with still plenty of energy and in the throws of parenthood, needing a partner who has the energy level that you do to help raise those children, and he is 60 and slowing down, wanting to take it easy and thinking about retirement? What about when you are 50 and he is 70 and having health problems? What about when you are 60 and wanting someone to grow old with and he is 80 and already at the end of his life? Something to think about, anyway. The gap may not seem insurmountable right now when he still has his health and some energy to keep up with you, but that gap will also become more and more obvious as you get older. My father helped my mom raise me.. he was in his late 40s when I was born. He def doesnt have energy now as he's in his 70s.. but I'm 27, a grown woman.. so he did what he could until I got into my 20s.. I still have alot to think about, its getting pretty serious and Im not sure if I can let go just as yet. Its a huge age gap, but do you think its gross? Would you look at him as a pervert? Just wondering.
Illusionist Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 "Love knows no age difference" I know cases that proof it to be true and others which doesn't work out. The problem is, to be in sync with each other when the difference of life experience is too great. As for me, my age range is between 5 years less and 9 years more than my own. But that's only my taste.
suladas Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 It works for some, not for others. Lifestyle says a lot about how much energy etc people have. My dad was 41 when he had me, and when he and my mom divorced he raised 3 kids on his own, being in early 50's having 3 kids around 8-13, and still manages to coach sports for us, etc while running a business. He is 64 now and still works full time, in the last 4 years or so he has slowed down a ton and the aging is becoming quite noticable however. But still more active then a lot of people in their 40s and 50s even. I don't know about a 20 year gap though. I've done 12, that is my limit. Plus women live longer usually so women being older can be better Looking in the dating section about a women with nearly the same gap and the issues she's having, might give some insight.
FitChick Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 Plus women live longer usually so women being older can be better That's my belief and one reason I date younger men. The biggest gap so far was 16 years younger.
GLDheart Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 I am about five years older than my ex... Barring something unexpected, I expect to outlive her by a decade or two. It's just in the genes. Based off of family history on both of my parent's sides of the family, I should be good into my nineties. Bring on the future, improvements to medicine and science, and maybe I'll push it even further!! Age difference matters less now more than ever!!! The one exception? WARTIME. Kill off all the young men with a good world war and "society" will suddenly find all kinds of things "acceptable" (Check out what world war 2 did for example).
El Brujo Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 Picasso was still working when he died at age 93. Actor Anthony Quinn fathered a child when he was in his 80s... if that's not stud bragging rights, I don't know what is. Go figure. Back in the 1970s, a lot of women were hung up on not telling anyone their real age, but not so much nowadays because fewer people are smoking, therefore they don't look as old. You're only as old as you want to let yourself be.
KathyM Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 My father helped my mom raise me.. he was in his late 40s when I was born. He def doesnt have energy now as he's in his 70s.. but I'm 27, a grown woman.. so he did what he could until I got into my 20s.. I still have alot to think about, its getting pretty serious and Im not sure if I can let go just as yet. Its a huge age gap, but do you think its gross? Would you look at him as a pervert? Just wondering. I'd consider him to be not a pervert, but a man who has issues with relating to women. I consider men who date someone significantly younger than them (10+ years younger) either not accepting of their own maturing and wanting desperately to hold onto their youth, thereby doing it vicariously through the younger person, or he is someone who cares more about physical appearance rather than an emotional connection, or he's someone who wants a younger person because he wants to be able to dominate and control them, and he feels a woman closer to his own age would not allow him to do that. All three of those things are red flags in a man, IMO.
Author ShyOne82 Posted December 19, 2012 Author Posted December 19, 2012 I'd consider him to be not a pervert, but a man who has issues with relating to women. I consider men who date someone significantly younger than them (10+ years younger) either not accepting of their own maturing and wanting desperately to hold onto their youth, thereby doing it vicariously through the younger person, or he is someone who cares more about physical appearance rather than an emotional connection, or he's someone who wants a younger person because he wants to be able to dominate and control them, and he feels a woman closer to his own age would not allow him to do that. All three of those things are red flags in a man, IMO. I understand your scenarios.. BUT.. This is the first time for both of us to go beyond or under our normal age limit. So he's been within his age group all his life and I have never gone past 35 until now. He was VERY concerned about the age gap and wondered if I could see myself being with an older man long term. We are past that now and is just trying to learn about one another.
mysunflower Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 Some women just simply want older men. Mine are the same as yours. I'm 26 and my man is in his late 40s, I think we are just perfect for each other.
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