ringo Posted August 4, 2004 Posted August 4, 2004 I read this article about 5 years ago and wrote a paper on it and just came across it today. Some of this writing will be from the article, some of my own... it will be long - but I think it may help some of you out there.... Falling in love is all about surrendering your ego and merging with your new partner. One way to tell if your infatuation has turned to a real "love" relationship is when you can look at your partner and see how he/she is different from you. If you still think he/she's perfect, then it's too early. Another thing that tells you it's a good relationship is that you both aren't insecure anymore, and you can accept less from the other person and still feel it's enough. Example: If he's late, you no longer feel he's standing you up. You know he's just late, and he'll be apologetic when he does show up. And it only gets better for couples that stay in loving relationships because their love, satisfaction and commitment to each other increase over time. Passionate love flames up quickly in a relationship and can die down. But... compassionate love - that feeling of caring, sharing and intimacy tends to grow over time. It's this comfortable kind of love upon which whole lives are built. Now come the big caveat. Just because you know how to identify a good relationship, doesn't mean you have to grab the first one that passes all the tests and hang onto it forever. The fact is, this probably won't be the only good relationship you'll ever have. At this point, you should turn your analytical skills on yourself. Stop asking, "Is he/she the one?" Instead ask, "Where am I in my life? Do I want a committed relationship? Do I want Marriage in my future? Do I know enough? Am I wise enough? What's my priority right now?" You may discover that while you and he/she could go the distance, you not ready for a long-term commitment. But even if you decide to leave, you must not think of your time together as a wasted investment. Ending a relationship doesn't mean it was trivial. Some of the most important men/women in your life are the ones you don't marry. On another note: marriage is not a noun, it's a verb. It's not something that you have, like a house or a car. It is not a piece of paper that proves you are husband and wife. Marriage is a behavior. It is a choice you make over and over again, reflected in the way you treat your partner every day. Having a healthy relationship with a person means loving him/her for who he/she is NOW, not loving them in spite of their situation or in hopes of who he/she will change into tomorrow.
Moose Posted August 4, 2004 Posted August 4, 2004 Excellent, too bad the majority of couples don't look at it this way. But it's nice to know that there is hope out there. Thanks Ringo!!!
Artifact Posted August 4, 2004 Posted August 4, 2004 marriage is not a noun, it's a verb. It's not something that you have, like a house or a car. It is not a piece of paper that proves you are husband and wife. Marriage is a behavior. It is a choice you make over and over again, reflected in the way you treat your partner every day. I love this! I feel like I'm married already... and the wedding is not until next summer! I guess that explains why I am in no hurry. Living it is enough satisfaction. Like moose says, I hope somewhere along the way this idea spreads (to where it is no longer and IDEA.)
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