Year relationship, hot and cold, chances of reconciliation?

[UpChuck]

Well, short little piece about me; I've been with a girl for a year and some odd weeks and we broke up. Since then I have been looking at these forums, but now I decide maybe I need to post.

 

Everything was great, she pursued me for the relationship; I kept calm and slow & she threw the L word out first, wanted sex first, etc.

Everything was dandy, we broke up twice. Once for a few days and the other for a week. I broke up with her since she was so forceful on me (The first time) she was terribly clingy and constantly insecure and jealous. She came at me crying and I held strong, for a few days. Then I woke up to realize that I really loved her (this was probably... 6 months in?) and I told her we should get back together and we did. Then she broke up with me, due to a rumor that went around that I was with this chick because her friend saw her go to my car and in reality she was just mooching for a butt. I had to try EVERYTHING to get her over her stubborn mentality to believe me, and it was a couple days before she gave in. When she broke up with me that time, I found out she talked to this guy a little bit and they exchanged numbers. I completely flipped a lid and ripped off this bracelet she got me and ripped it. She tried to confront me and I just simply wasn't having anything to do with it.

Well then she tried as I was not talking to her and then we worked through it, fine; all good.

 

Then we were smooth sailing. I think I started to care to much about her, when before she was the clingy one not wanting me to leave and was worried about my new job that pays very well and I wouldn't want to be with her and i reassured her time and time again that wasn't the case. Come to mid September, two weeks before our one year we start fighting. She would knit pick at small things to start a fight and she couldn't remain calm and I would call her on these and they continued up until two weeks after our one year. We all went to dinner with her family, and she kind of ignored me the whole time and I like being a part of the whole picture. We all went outside except her mother and father, so it was me her and her two sisters outside. Im smoking a butt out there and if you even look at this one sister it is an automatic checkout. I told her it wasn't the case and I was having a migraine so she was comforting me.

 

We get back to her house and then we're in a fight and we literally didn't talk for 2 hours. She tried nudging my foot with hers but that is such a juvenile way of communication instead of talking about what happened. So we get down to the gritty and she says lately everything I do annoys her and she is being mean to me and she can't explain why. I propose going on a short break so we can clear and see eachother in a week (When we havn't seen eachother and met up it was magical after)

 

So during this break, I said lets just not talk and we can meet up after the week. She said not at all? and I said what will it do for us if we act exactly the same without anytime for you to think and for me to think aswell? She agreed. We texted one day, and she said I love you and I said i did too.

The break started on monday.

Here comes Friday.. She broke up with me! I call her that night and she was immediately cold and she said she needed time to herself and that she feels like she needs space to miss me but doesn't want to stay on break because she wouldn't know how long that takes. She put singleeeee with hearts and **** on her instagram and i'm like whats all that about..? she started crying and we ended the phone call.

 

I left it alone untill thursday, six days later. I tried saying hey, I tried calling her but she ignored it very quickly. An hour later, I send a very long mushy text capping over all of our great time and I said my final goodbye there.

 

No response.

 

I continue to live my life, and decide doing no contact would be best since i've tried to talk it out with her; but got nothing in return.

 

A week later she says

"Hey I didnt reply or answer to your call because i didn't know what to say, i just want things to end on goodterms because we dated for so long to end badly. You don't have to reply, but I felt like you deserved some kind of response"

 

I laughed outloud, like what the f*ck is that sh*t? You gave me a response with no real response but to lift some weight off your chest. I've also looked at her page and she's talked to a few dudes, but that doesn't really bother me as she is looking to fill a void since we we're inseperable for a year. I've on the other hand been healing great instead of pushing it off to the side. Gym, Buddies, Got it with a different chickita, snowboardings coming up soon, family life is great, and a new great paying job.

 

So I didn't reply to that bs.

 

Exactly two weeks later, i'm at work. I look at my phone, its her calling.

Then she texted Hey. I'm thinking the no-contact must be setting in for her. Not once did I cry in front of her or anything.

So I go outside of work for a butt, I call her back.

SHE is crying hysterically

"I just got so bored today and I started thinking about you and we both act like nothing ever happened"

I keep my cool, thinking maybe this is the reconciliation. but still I keep cool.

I said "I know, but this is what you wanted"

"I don't know i just miss you so bad and I want to talk to you"

"Well.. I can but im kinda at work so it will have to be bried"

crying"Well i guess ill just let you go.. i don't want to make work awkward for you"

I said "Well, do you want me to call you when I get home?"

she goes "Yes please.."

"Okay I can do that for you,bye -name-"

 

So I finish work, i end up calling her. And we ended up just catching up and we were joking and having a good phone conversation. Her sister came into her room when she was on the phone so she said she had to go and she would call me soon. She ended up texting me and we were texting fine untill she started to stop communication or be very engaging towards it all. It ended up being very short with eachother and i was the last one to reply.

 

This upset me, YOU call me crying then when I get home and call you you're all fine? Regardless it was a good phone session, when it got to texting it just got bland from her end, and she ended up not even replying to me.

 

About an hour goes by and I went out with some friends to hang for a little bit. I call her, she picks up. I said hey whats up she said eating food and you i said just got back with some friends. But my reception is bad (She always pulls this **** trying to close communication and get off the phone) So I said, hold on, I need to ask you one question. She says what? I said Why did you call me today? she says ill text you.

 

She ends up texting me saying "I just kind of wanted to talk.. Its been so long and i kind of just missed you."

 

I said "Yeah it has been really long. It just got confusing since you called me crying then you stop talking..

 

she said "Idk.. im sorry it just seemed like you were busy so i didnt want to talk"

 

I said "No its fine. I wouldn't have texted if it was the case. Just confused by it, is all. but ill leave it alone, look foward to hearing from you bye -name-"

 

she said "Okay talk to you soon"

 

 

How can you radically go crying from okay? I can do no contact, no problem. But I'd be lying if i said I wouldn't want a reconciliation. This really bruised how I outlook on her personality from someone caring to selfish as I probably just comforted her when she was missing me. I kept relatively cool but maybe got a bit pushy at the end. I really like her, but she dropped everything after a year. I just want her to see what she had & if she'd ever wake up and realize. Thanks.

[UpChuck]

& I'd really like a response. It's driving me mad.

[River Rain]

Sorry I couldn't read all that, but based on the subject line "Year relationship, hot and cold, chances of reconciliation?" I'll just say that I had a couple of months with my ex and it was very hot and cold near the end and he ended up dumping me. We had a month of nc, then he wanted me back, I was very vocal to him that he needed to change the hot and cold behaviour, and he was all promises, but no action. So I ended up ending things with him.

 

If her hot/cold behaviour isn't changing, it never will. Hope that helps.

[UpChuck]

I wish i had a more indepth and personal response, but for now i'll work with this.

When planning to work with her, should I perform no contact; or should I let her do all the contacting? Or will this just help her move forward? In either case, i'm fine 100% with myself, as i've already been doing it for a month.

[todreaminblue]

& I'd really like a response. It's driving me mad.

 

 

In my opinion if you have constant break ups and get back togethers.......it doesnt work.....the relationship will be fine for a while and then it will revert so you keep cycling in a circle never really getting anywhere .....going nc should be final and not a game.....you are in a constant state of confusion because issues are not really dealt with by nc and so those issues come back up ...insecurities jealousies anything negative will rear its ugly head because it was never deal with just pushed under a nc rug.......so if you break up and decide to go nc leave it at that until you are over that person maybe then you can be friends one day but getting back together in my opinion would be a mistake for you guys....she is lonely that is when she calls you and misses you....you have her being insecure on occasion when you were together so that chickita you have been seeing is going to come up.......eventually...especially if she hasnt been dating active

 

 

In my opinion i don't think either of you are good to go as in getting back together...I feel you do want to move on and I think that your friend is unsure of what she really wants ....could get messy......

 

 

Once i am in a relationship I dont break up for insecurities if i need to calm down before i talk, i go for a walk and i only bring up discussions when i think the other person is ready and i can sense they will be receptive..i dotn have discussions when there is high emotion..this break up make up game is time consuming and doesnt solve problems in my opinion...honesty does though be honest with her and hope that she is honest with you have that one more phone call for closure.......then either try again or let her go......this is my advice i hope you have closure either way and i wish you luck....deb

[UpChuck]

In my opinion if you have constant break ups and get back togethers.......it doesnt work.....the relationship will be fine for a while and then it will revert so you keep cycling in a circle never really getting anywhere .....going nc should be final and not a game.....you are in a constant state of confusion because issues are not really dealt with by nc and so those issues come back up ...insecurities jealousies anything negative will rear its ugly head because it was never deal with just pushed under a nc rug.......so if you break up and decide to go nc leave it at that until you are over that person maybe then you can be friends one day but getting back together in my opinion would be a mistake for you guys....she is lonely that is when she calls you and misses you....you have her being insecure on occasion when you were together so that chickita you have been seeing is going to come up.......eventually...especially if she hasnt been dating active

 

 

In my opinion i don't think either of you are good to go as in getting back together...I feel you do want to move on and I think that your friend is unsure of what she really wants ....could get messy......

 

 

Once i am in a relationship I dont break up for insecurities if i need to calm down before i talk, i go for a walk and i only bring up discussions when i think the other person is ready and i can sense they will be receptive..i dotn have discussions when there is high emotion..this break up make up game is time consuming and doesnt solve problems in my opinion...honesty does though be honest with her and hope that she is honest with you have that one more phone call for closure.......then either try again or let her go......this is my advice i hope you have closure either way and i wish you luck....deb

 

It wasn't really that break-up make up, they were really immature breakups and we both knew we would get back together. This time I sense something differently, and you are completely right. She got a little lonely yesterday and that was the only reason she decided to contact me and I was a rug and let her catch up on me. I have usually been the more mature one as she would be very insecure for absolutely no reason to our relationships and I always had to prove myself to her, and I think she needs time to grow up. Next time, she won't be getting a respond from me. She would have to try to really get me back if she wanted this to work. I'm doing fine, it just got to me when she called crying then reverted to being a steelwall? Talk about an emotional mess. She does seem to be confused as to what she wants, but i'm a couple years older and have a great job and thinking to me back a couple of years... I wasn't so stable myself. It really just helps having more knowledgable people with relationships to get down to the gritty and help me reflect on my relationship compared to blunt answers and philosophies from friends.