Dagorath Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 These days I feel like the worst part of losing someone is the memories. I wrote once that it's the memory of what was that hurts not the reality of what is. We can't change the reality, so we have to ditch the memory... This is hard to do, and there's really no sure fire way to go about it. However; I think a good methodolgy is to clear your memory like a computer, and much in the same way. Computers needs restart to clear their RAM cache, and we need to do the same. We have to get out there and meet new people. Most of the enfuatuation with someone early on is based on serotonin in the brain. Later it becomes attachment, but initially, it's all chemical. So when you're reeling over someone you just lost and it seems like you don't want anyone else - that is precisely when you need someone else! If you have sex with someone else, it will help you get over your ex because it helps to clear out those memories that haunt you and confuses your brain. If you wonder why people are fond of rebounds - that is why. It helps us reset. My relationship was ony 5 months, so this probaly doesn't work for longer realtionships. Just something to think about - what do you think?
SER Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 We can't change the reality, so we have to ditch the memory... This is hard to do, and there's really no sure fire way to go about it. However; I think a good methodolgy is to clear your memory like a computer, and much in the same way. Computers needs restart to clear their RAM cache, and we need to do the same. We have to get out there and meet new people. I tend to disagree with ditching the memory... I wouldn't want to forget the good times, as sad as they make me that they may not happen again. But the good times were really good and they were a part of my life. I also do not want to forget the bad times, not only to keep me from going back, but also to help me move forward in other relationships. In each relationship, you learn things about yourself and perhaps apply the things you've learned in one relationship into a new one. I don't think that sleeping around ever deletes memories or really ever helps people "get over" someone. It is a temporary fix which many on here have felt terrible about after they've done it. Maybe for some it does work, but for many it doesn't. But again, I think that to keep the memories are best, as they help develop you as a person and as a future partner. And I like the good memories; I wouldn't want to forget some of the real, pure fun and joy that I had in my life. And I don't want to forget the negative things that remind me of why I left and what to look out for in the future. Maybe instead of deleting your memories, you learn to accept them and take them for what they are and move on knowing that it will all help you in many ways in the end. Whether it takes months or years to really accept that those are the only and last memories you may have with that person is up to each individual. 1
LostOne1 Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 These days I feel like the worst part of losing someone is the memories. I wrote once that it's the memory of what was that hurts not the reality of what is. We can't change the reality, so we have to ditch the memory... This is hard to do, and there's really no sure fire way to go about it. However; I think a good methodolgy is to clear your memory like a computer, and much in the same way. Computers needs restart to clear their RAM cache, and we need to do the same. We have to get out there and meet new people. Most of the enfuatuation with someone early on is based on serotonin in the brain. Later it becomes attachment, but initially, it's all chemical. So when you're reeling over someone you just lost and it seems like you don't want anyone else - that is precisely when you need someone else! If you have sex with someone else, it will help you get over your ex because it helps to clear out those memories that haunt you and confuses your brain. If you wonder why people are fond of rebounds - that is why. It helps us reset. My relationship was ony 5 months, so this probaly doesn't work for longer realtionships. Just something to think about - what do you think? I think it works for shorter relationships.. longer ones like mines for 3+ years probably won't help as much. To be honest I am slowly healing, but to be with someone else.. feels kinda uncomfortable at first. I met some girls with my friend a week ago. I felt kinda lost to be honest and I don't think I could handle someone else making love at all. It would just feel like I'm cheating though I know I'm not. I guess you get used to one person's touch and all, so it takes awhile for a person to get away from that experience and onto a new one. No doubt meeting new people is good, but you NEED the mood. Sometimes we are down and if other new people see we are down.. they will pull away unless they want to help. We all wanna be around funny, cheery people.
Author Dagorath Posted November 8, 2012 Author Posted November 8, 2012 I think this is a fundamental necessity to moving on with your life. The ability to see some kind of silver lining and be happy and excited. People often look towards the dating world with intimidation and regard it as a big game that is a pain in the butt. It certainly can be if you are trying to get too much out of it. If I've learned anything from the last relationship I was in, it is that I must respect the age of girls and the place they are in. It would be very rare to find a 20 year old that is interested in a long-term relationship, and actually KNOWS that she wants that. It might be an impulse, or even a thought - but if we pursue this path, we'll inevitably be defeated when she turns 21 and wonders what else is out there. The most difficult thing is that when a beautiful young girl leaves you, she typically isn't single for long. She gets swooped up right away, and she's got tons of options. I'm tired of sulking on this girl and beating myself up over losing her. She needs to experience the world and see that I was a great guy her own way. Will I take her back when she's older if I get the chance? I guess that depends on what she does in the next couple of years, and with who. In the mean time. I'm going to enjoy the latter part of my 20's by not allowing myself to get too connected to those who don't want a connection. I'm still in a transition point in my life, so why bother with serious relationships. I just want to get out there and have fun - and more than anything I want options like she has. The difference is; options aren't going to come to me. So I have to quit sulking like a coward, put on my A game, and a smile... Get out there and go for it! Thanks for the input guys.
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