shatteredhearth Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 Thanks to everyone who will read this and share their personal experiences and guidance. I am 25 and my bf is 22 atm. We met online and started dating. We had a long distance relationship for almost 2 years. During this 2 years, we visited each other almost every 2 months, visited and toured Europe and had many happy memories. When we were not next to each other, we always skyped and stuff. Like every couple, we had our problems and little couple conflicts. Our major problem was that I was not sure about our relationship when it began and wanted to break up at the 3rd month (July 2011). My bf was devastated at that time, I remember like yesterday, him crying on my shoulder for hours. Nonetheless, we said our goodbyes and promised to stay friends. Of course this did not last very long. I couldnt stand being away from him and visited him to ask forgiveness and we got back together. This happened in October 2011. From October 2011 to April 2012, we had great trips and really enjoyed being next to each other. I was not very active sexually, so I offended him several times, but yet again, I was the one who always initiated it again. During one of our trips in Italy, he told me that he is very happy in the relationship and perhaps we should become more serious. I got shocked at this and told him that this will never be the case. Stupid me... This brought us to the edge of breaking up but we avoided the crisis. Later in May, I was busy and neglected him, which I believe led him to break up with me in June 2012. I was totally devastated. I jumped on the next plane and visited him. After asking for his forgiveness and spending one week together, he accepted and we continued our long distance relationship for another 3 months. During this 3 months, we were really happy, skyping, chatting, whatsapping every moment. We set ourselves a date to end the long distance and started planning moving in together in London. Neither of us lives in London and it was seen as a good possibility for him to pursue his masters degree and me to advance in my career. While we were happy discussing all these, he suddenly got a cold feet and started questioning whether he will be happy in London. He questioned if he should pursue a Masters degree or not. Him questioning London shortly turned into him questioning our relationship, etc. Long story short, within 1 weeks time, he started calling me with my name instead of "baby". I was shocked. I planned a visit to his city long in advance, and he told me that he needs to see me to understand his real feelings... Anyway, I went to visit him and he told me the GIGS excuses. I love you but Im not in love with you, I feel attracted to other people and dont want to cheat on you, etc, etc. He also told me that he needs me as a friend. As you can imagine, I was devastated and begged him to love me back the entire night. With no avail, we spent the night together and slept spoon cuddling. No sexuality though. We didnt see each other for 2 days and then went to our planned-in-advance trip to an island. On the island, we didnt speak about the relationship issues and we spent really nice time together. Even though he broke up with me, we slept in the same bed, spoon cuddling sleeping, holding hands and being all touchy. He also told me many times that he loves me very much. So few days pass by, and I bring up the issue of us again. He told me to give him space and that he no longer wants to be my boyfriend. Yet he continued texting me stuff like my room smells like you etc... I know very well that he cares about me very much. However, he is going through a difficult period in his life, for instance, started living with his family again, finishing Uni, do not have a plan after graduation, etc. etc. I presume that he also had some GIGS issues, as he recently met with some new friends and started to get confused about his feelings. He looks at me as if he deeply loves me but holds himself from kissing me and stuff. I tried the NC method, but he texted back at me saying that this makes him very sad. At the same time, he insists we should become best friends and I be there for him until the end of his life (yes he says this). When I told him that I will not become his friend should he start dating with someone else, he got frustrated and got really upset and sad. So now, I do not know what to do and how to get him back. How to address I love you but not in love with you issue. How to address the relationship problems (as he avoids talking about them). I am in NC/LC with him but he texts me all the time with another excuse. Please help, I am crying all the time and need help desperately. Please let me know if you see any hope in us getting back together and if so, how? Thanks very much!
Lady Chrissy Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 Alright, I feel pretty stupid but I don't know what GIGS stands for but I'll continue anyway. The chance of you two getting back together will only increases if you leave him alone. He is, as you said, going through a lot right now. Let him find himself date other people and live life without you. If he moves on then you two were not meant to be but if over time (I'm talking years) wants to start something back up with you he will come to you. Now its up to you what you want to do, you can either hurt yourself and continue to wait on him or you can do you. Do what is best for you to make you happy. Be a little selfish and all that money you would be spending to visit him, start saving it it. Go out have fun, flirt, meet people. I wouldn't date anyone for a while because they would end up being rebound. But whatever you choose just remember you only have one life, so don't waste it doing nothing abd being uphappy, you will regret this on your death bed. Love, Chrissy <3
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