GoBomb36 Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 Well, it has been two weeks, and the ex and I have spoken none. Going to be quite honest, it really sucks. She's unfriended me on Facebook, and has now unfollolowed me on twitter. I am completely detached from her, and it has really slapped me in the face. The guy she is with is a quick fix!! He has a damn kid and a dead end job when I know I'm going to be very successful. I know I am better and can offer more! She's always told me she and her past ex bfs stayed in contact because.they were mature enough to realize it wasn't meant to be. If that's the case, why is she cutting contact and hurting me.purposely?!?! The way she said she loved me just completely.flipped, and dammit I am hurt and don't know what to do. This is two years in a row I've been crushed and it is getting old. I just don't understand why love won't ever just take over.and be as strong as everyone says it is supposed to be. I really need some help here. Not only am I frustrated about not having my true love, I am losing faith in the idea of.love. yes, I screwed this up, but I was ready to give her everything. How can you completely erase someone you truly love? I can't...this friggin hurts. Sorry so long guys
PYTpisces Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 Sorry you're going through this. A similar thing happened to me about a month ago and I was in your shoes back then. It still hurts but I "Surrendered to the idea that I can control the situation." There is nothing to do. One of my favorite pastors says that if someone wants to walk out of your life LET THEM GO. If someone doesnt see your value and can't appreciate you in the way that you appreciate them, let them go. Allow yourself to feel the hurt of it all, but out of respect and love for yourself try to let the whole thing run its course. The more you try to control the situation, the slower and more impossible the healing will be. I found it unbearable at first, but I set up a goal for myself to just make it through another day where I live life without that person. After a couple weeks I started to feel proud of myself for doing it, despite countless moments of missing what we had, wondering how he could do this, and every other emotion that abandonment brings. Be patient with yourself and trust that pain doesn't last forever. Glad you posted with us. You are not alone. *hugs* 3
Author GoBomb36 Posted November 8, 2012 Author Posted November 8, 2012 I truly appreciate your response, as well as your understanding. Things just did not turn out like I had hoped. She's with another guy now, and dealing with that is very difficult. It is like every girl that falls in love with me, and I with them, I tend to push them into another person's arms. I am having great trouble letting go, and I am so busy and unsure of my future career wise that I am afraid I will never meet another. I think I experienced true love here, as at first I wasn't sure of my feelings. I had a terrible experience in July and was unsure if I would still be in town, and was.under.pressure and stress. Got past that, realized I really needed her and thought ultimately she was the reason I stayed. Maybe it still is, but it seems vague. Essentially, it is just.difficult to cope with the mixture of the feelings and how the situation played out. Lost an engagement a year and a half ago, and it hurt terribly, but this hurt with this girl is much deeper and penetrating. It's one I can't find an escape from right now. I just wish I knew what to do. 1
PYTpisces Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 I truly appreciate your response, as well as your understanding. Things just did not turn out like I had hoped. She's with another guy now, and dealing with that is very difficult. It is like every girl that falls in love with me, and I with them, I tend to push them into another person's arms. I am having great trouble letting go, and I am so busy and unsure of my future career wise that I am afraid I will never meet another. I think I experienced true love here, as at first I wasn't sure of my feelings. I had a terrible experience in July and was unsure if I would still be in town, and was.under.pressure and stress. Got past that, realized I really needed her and thought ultimately she was the reason I stayed. Maybe it still is, but it seems vague. Essentially, it is just.difficult to cope with the mixture of the feelings and how the situation played out. Lost an engagement a year and a half ago, and it hurt terribly, but this hurt with this girl is much deeper and penetrating. It's one I can't find an escape from right now. I just wish I knew what to do. You don't push women into another man's arms. Don't think of yourself so poorly. I presume the women you've been with are all adults. They and God alone determine their destiny and actions. You are not responsible for any of it. Fear of not finding another love is normal. In your lifetime you will meet people (women) so long as you remain kind to yourself and hopeful for the future. You're at a low right now for valid reasons so you don't have to feel great about anything. Just stay kind to yourself despite feeling rotten :-( and you will come out of this dark tunnel stronger and in a much better place emotionally. Have faith! Faith = walking w/o sight of the things to come!
Frank13 Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 I just don't understand why love won't ever just take over.and be as strong as everyone says it is supposed to be. I really need some help here. Not only am I frustrated about not having my true love, I am losing faith in the idea of.love. I have come to the same conclusion. To find someone you love is rare. For two people to find that in each other is nearly impossible. Most people get together to avoid being alone. One person may fall in love but the other person is pretty much settling. Then as time goes on they want out of the relationship because they don't love the other person. I have come to realize that "the one for you" is not out there. Look at all the heartbreak here on LS. It is good to have hope that you will find the right one someday, but in reality, it won't happen for most of us.
mike5770 Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 It is all a process and you will slowly get better. Going through the same thing she tells me she loves me and wants to spend the rest of my life with me then gets weird and disappears after we go on the vacation of a lifetime together. She has no job, 3 kids, an wacko ex husband....he kids love me I have a great job and would provide a great life for them and love her and not cheat on her with every woman who had a pulse. I texted her whats wrong and she gives me a rash of **** then ignores me...this has happened before then like an idiot I broke NC just to have a honeymoon period then her do it all over again to me..I finally gave up...I did the best I could to treat her well and show her I loved her, she chose another path...there is nothing I can do about it and had to let her go..I still get mad but it is getting easier and easier...soon she will be an afterthought like all my other exs. Good luck it will get better...loveshack has always helped me.
Author GoBomb36 Posted November 9, 2012 Author Posted November 9, 2012 I understand, guys. It is a very tough situation, and it seems like either you guys have been through it and completely understand how I am feeling, or either you are currently going through it. I made the final move to not follow her on Instagram anymore (as the last time I saw her page, she had posted a picture with the new guy and said "best boyfriend a girl could ever ask for." She knew I'd see it, and she was right, and have to admit, hurt quite a bit. So I made the move to completely detach myself. I hate the way things ended, and the thought of maybe never talking to her again has become an issue with me, even though I know I will flourish after this at some point and regain my happiness. I am a personal trainer, so I am in very good shape, and I have great confidence, so that has to attract someone at some point. Just have to be myself. This one is just so different because instead of the shock I felt with the relationship before this one, I now feel empty and just merely down. And then another guy being in the picture just puts the icing on the cake. I stay very busy, but I am scared my routine is becoming too "routine," and like I can't escape these thoughts anywhere I go, nor anything I do.
River Rain Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 When my ex dumped me, the only way I could cope with it was to erase him. It wasn't anything intentionally done to hurt him personally at all. It was only to help me stop dwelling on his photos, the memories and the words, because I knew in my heart that it was over. Doing that helped me to get past the anguish. I've learned that it's not just the dumpee who feels such terrible hurt over things. If I had these mementos, I probably would still be hurting badly and longing for what could have been. It's not that she has devalued your time together or is trying to hurt you, it's just the way she's coping with things and deal with her hurt. Don't take it personally. 2
Author GoBomb36 Posted November 10, 2012 Author Posted November 10, 2012 I see what you're sayin, and I appreciate your response. This is twice now I've had girls completely remove themselves from me. Granted, I could've been a better boyfriend, but the situation I was in was difficult. However, I came around, and it was too late. I have to figure out how to keep girls from doing this...because the first time was very, very difficult, and this time has been even worse. I'm not sure I could have this happen again.
PYTpisces Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 Glad that you're using this as a learning experience but be careful not to place all the responsibility and blame on yourself. Don't forget that both successful and broken relationships take 2 people. You're being very harsh on yourself. Whether the past relationships thrived or not its always good to improve yourself especially while IN a relationship. So just because those relationships fell apart, It doesnt reflect on your worth etc. they're just as much responsible for the turnout. 1
River Rain Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 I see what you're sayin, and I appreciate your response. This is twice now I've had girls completely remove themselves from me. Granted, I could've been a better boyfriend, but the situation I was in was difficult. However, I came around, and it was too late. I have to figure out how to keep girls from doing this...because the first time was very, very difficult, and this time has been even worse. I'm not sure I could have this happen again. But the thing is, you can't control how another person heals. Being a better boyfriend won't stop a girl from "erasing" you if that's how she needs to move on. You need to get that idea out of your head, because you can't do a thing about it. If you can see it as a coping mechanism to heal, rather than a tragic rejection of your entire relationship, you'll be able to accept it better. I will never stop "erasing" to heal. I do hope I won't have to with the next guy though! And it's never about them, it's 100% about me after a breakup.
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