Snowdrops Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 Me and my SO have been dating for 6 years now, we live about an hour and a half away and so only see each other at the weekends. I work some weekends during the winter so may not see him for 2 weeks. This usually ends up in him having a grump that he won't get to see me but sometimes I enjoy the break. Sometimes it is more fun going out for drinks with work collegues and having a laugh than going to see him. I had a good night out with friends on Friday and I guess this has made me feel that I would be happier being able to do my own thing. This was fine for a few years as I was at university and I could see a future where we would live together but gradually this has drifted away from me. I sometimes feel like he is happier having company at the weekends rather than wanting to spend the rest of his life with me. Lately I've been feeling like I'm putting far more into the relationship than he has. I'm always the one driving to him, making effort to go out and do things together. He seems quite content to just sit at home watching TV which is getting to me as I'm the one doing all the travelling. He has been a bit stressed at work but snippy comments when I'm over just don't want me to come over every weekend. It has been 6 years, we have about 2 pictures of us together as he has self esteem issues and we have only just planned our first holiday together! He recently got a puppy and yes he paid for it but it still feels very much like 'his' dog rather than something we take care of together. It just makes me feel more like a visiting friend. We had a big fight in January as I got a little drunk and depressed and voiced these concerns to him. He then started getting all keen and thinking about getting a house and that I should get a job closer to him etc. Nothing has really happened towards this as we both don't make a lot of money, especially when a lot goes on petrol!! Some days he seems so distant from me that I don't think he really cares, says he'll text or call and then doesn't. We do speak on Skype in the evenings but it is rarely just the 2 of us, we talk to other friends on there as well. Other days he'll be really affectionate and say he misses me and we'll make plans to do stuff at the weekends but i usually find myself doing nothing again. We were never particularly passionate, even when we first started out but we have had sex once in the past 4 months or so. He still says that he loves me and wants to be with me but I am questioning if I am in love with him anymore. When I bought up that i thought we were just friends it ended up in a massive row and for some reason I didn't think to leave then. I guess i want to avoid the conflict. I still care deeply about him and even having the conversation with him makes me feel sad but I think I would be happier in the long term going my own way. I really do feel that we are just friends now and that the spark has gone out. We have been trying to spice things up for a while but I feel like giving up really. This is a massive rant and I know I have pretty much answered my own question but I just needed to get it out in the open.
cerridwen Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 (edited) Though you're not looking for input necessarily, I'd like to say your reasons for breaking up all make sense. You don't come across as petulant; it's been 6 years so can't accuse you of being impatient. It sounds like incompatibility and time have worn things out, not necessarily distance alone. Relationships can't survive if partners can't be honest and heard. That you can't express concerns without it turning into a fight is a huge indicator of an unhealthy relationship. Maybe it's the way in which you present the issue; maybe he's defensive. Whichever it is, it's not working. Lack of passion, laziness about maintaining the relationship, nebulous end plans. Yeah. Frustrating and a turn-off. I honestly wish you better luck in your next relationship. Edited November 8, 2012 by cerridwen 2
Author Snowdrops Posted November 21, 2012 Author Posted November 21, 2012 So I ended up breaking up on Saturday, after a morning of being grumpy and sulky with me. It was not pleasant, angry words were exchanged, I was accused of cheating and told to "get my things and f-off". So I did. We didn't speak at all after that until he sent me a very long Facebook message this evening saying how he missed me and wanted me back. After Saturday and the feeling of neglect the past few months I know I don't want to be back in a relationship with him. I do want to be friends though, I miss chatitng to him and the other people we hung out with on Skype. I really don't know how to reply to this message, should I leave it a few days? He did end the message with along the lines 'don't write back and give me false hope, only reply if you want to try agin'. i don't know if this is being over-dramatic or just a way of saying, don't want to know you otherwise.
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