suarez Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 My girlfriend of two months broke up with me on Monday because she has way too much on her plate and she said she isn't ready to get into a relationship at the moment. I work away for 10 days at a time and before I left to go last time she told me she wanted space and was anxious over how fast we were going. We had admitted to each other that we were so in love with each other but needed space and agreed to not talk about our feelings anymore. We still spoke everyday while I was away. Saying we missed each other. We had made plans to see each other on the Monday that i got home and again on wednesday and she seemed really excited, telling me to drive safe and saying she misses me and can't wait to see me but then breaks up with me the next day. I know she has a lot on her plate and she is really stressed out with just starting university, having bought a house and finding out her job was on the line. Adding to that, she found out her grandma was sick and in hospital and it could have been serious. This all happened during the day on monday and then she came up to my place and said she couldn't be in a relationship anymore because she had way too much going on in her life and needed to focus. She told me I was the nicest guy she had ever known and that I deserved someone who was ready for a relationship and that I had taught her a lot in the time that we had been together. She said she was a terrible person for doing this to me and I told her to only worry about what she needs to do for herself and not to worry about me. I told her I would be fine and we made out. I gave her a stuffed dolphin which I got for her while I was away. She loves dolphins and stuffed animals. She cried and we made out again. She said she couldn't understand how this had turned into me consoling her. I accepted it on the night and wished her luck and that I would never forget what we had because it really was something amazing but told her I was shocked. Later on that night I sent her a message on facebook asking her why she had strung me along for two weeks rather than saying she wanted to end things and that she had really hurt me. I told her I believed it was a defense mechanism to protect herself because she had told me she was always anxious over how I was feeling. I told her I was angry and didn't understand why she was doing it and that I would never hurt her. I sent her another message saying that I would be at a restaurant at such a time and she should meet me there and hoped her grandma was fine. She didn't reply to me for two days, not until after I told her how stupid I had been to let her leave and just watch her walk out. I told her how much she really meant to me and that she was my best friend and my partner and that I would be going to the restaurant whether she replied or not. She told me not to go because she would not be coming and that it couldn't be saved my an act of heroics and she was sorry for giving me that impression. She told me that she was ending it because my feelings and commitment to the relationship were far greater than hers and no further discussion was going to change things. This is where i got a little bit off track...I told her that I'll be going anyway just to see if she turns up and that I knew she wanted to come. Then I said we wouldn't be staying long because I intended on taking her back to my place to do to her what I should have done in the beginning and to forget everything else. She replied telling me the only reason was that she didn't feel the same way and that my messages were making her feel uncomfortable and I needed to stop contacting her as it was the only way to move past it, on both parts. I replied saying that I no longer wanted a relationship with her and that she had too much baggage, too hung up on things and has a fear of intimacy and is quite frankly a little screwed up. But I told her she gave great head and that I wanted more of it. This was out of anger. I didn't hear anything back, obviously. I sent her a message today apologising for the way I had dealt with the break up and that what I had said was hurtful and wrong and that she meant way more to me than that and promised I would not contact her again. That's where we are now and I'm sorry for how long winded this has been but it is all relevant. She obviously has a lot on her plate but she knows that I would never hurt her. She broke up with me completely out of the blue. The previous night she had been telling me she missed me and couldn't wait to see me. That is what gives me hope that she might be just breaking up to get back together down the track. Do you think I ruined any chance of her coming back?
flitzanu Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 two months my friend. she isn't into you. all she's giving you is excuses. you should move on and find a new one. 2
LostOne1 Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 Well sometimes we need a bit of space after we say things out of anger or after a break up. I don't think you ruined your chances, but this might be a time you both need to cool off before any contact happens again. Give it a week or 2 to miss each other and feel what it means to not have each other. Sometimes that helps make contact later easier, because you both realize you miss something.
Author suarez Posted November 9, 2012 Author Posted November 9, 2012 Thanks for your advice. I don't even know what I should say after a week or two. I know I should probablt keep it light and tell her that she still means a lot to me and that i'm still thinking about her. Perhaps i should tell her that I know i was an idiot for lashing out and saying those things.
TheKnightWillRise Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 Two months dude. Go and watch the Godfather Trilogy, that's about the same length of time. Plus you work away for 10 days at a time, focus on that, and when you do get home, just chill out and do the things that YOU want to do. She has just started university. She wants freedom. She may come back to you if a couple of guys screw her over there and she realises that you're a good guy. But I'm sure you'll have moved on by then
Author suarez Posted November 9, 2012 Author Posted November 9, 2012 She has already been screwed over, that is the thing. She was in a relationship for seven years. She was controlled and cheated on and had not had a boyfriend in two years. I was her first since then and she told me she fell hard for me. The thing is I don't want to move on. I want to play my cards right to get her back because I know when something is too good to throw away. I will give her space and time because I know she still wants a relationship. She knows i'm a good guy
TheKnightWillRise Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 None of us want to move on when we're dumped. That fact is. We have to.
Author suarez Posted November 9, 2012 Author Posted November 9, 2012 I wish it was that easy. The only reason she broke up with me is because things got way too complicated. I was reading the text messages that we sent each other early on and we had so much fun. We told each other we loved each other early on and it complicated things way too much and made us both too concerned with what each other were feeling. I wish I could take it right back to the beginning and start over.
KatZee Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 She broke up with you because things got too complicated? Excuse me for the bluntness... but what the HELL is so complicated in a 60 day relationship? Exactly. Nothing. She's giving you the run around. Think of a relationship like a job. Usually when you're hired you get a 3 month trial period. If they like what they see within that period, they keep you. If they're not impressed, they let you go. You were let go and that's the end of it. There's no real foundation here, there's no time invested, she gave you a chance, it didn't work out, on to the next. And honestly, what you said, or didn't say held no weight as to whether or not she'd come back. If someone wants you, they'll come back regardless of what you say.
Tree_Salmon Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 two months my friend. she isn't into you. all she's giving you is excuses. you should move on and find a new one. It's almost as if I dont want to read the thread when i see times like 2 months. I don't understand how people can hold on so strongly to someone you barely know. If its not working this early it'll never work. Move on. It's a shortcut to feeling better.
Author suarez Posted November 10, 2012 Author Posted November 10, 2012 She told me that she thought everything had been about her for the whole time and I wasn't sure what she meant about that. She knows I went for a supervisors position at work and maybe she was doing it for both our sake. She also said she shouldn't always be worried about how I was feeling and she felt anxiety over it. I told her not to worry about it because I am an easy going person and she told me that was the problem. I don't know what she means by that. I know she still sees a future, she indicated that to me but I just don't know how long to leave it and what I should say when I contact her again.
Own Worst Enemy Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 It doesn't really matter whether it's about missing the potential and the dreams or the relationship itself; the fact is that it hurts like 7 kinds of hell to be rejected. I am guilty of the same thing when people who are v young post, because the answer is probably "because he/she/it is only 21 and has no idea who they are". And I always think that is unfair of me too! Anyway back to the point... If it is as you have spelled it out here, and you have been pretty open, then she isn't interested darling. To quote "he's just not that into you", the only thing she is scared of is how not into you she is. Contact her again after that exchange and she'll be thinking about blocking you and calling the police, honestly. You sound like you have a lot of love to give. Give some of it to yourself whilst you lick your wounds, then go and find someone who appreciates it. Easier said than done, but one day at a time... 1
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