Feeling so miserable

[not-a-drive-by]

I haven't cried for a while, but I'm feeling really miserable at the moment and need somewhere to vent. It's exactly 5 months since our BU today, and 2 months of NC. I know I shouldn't be, but I have been hoping that he would've contacted me by now. A few months ago, I thought, maybe around this time, we would've had enough space between us for him to change his mind. But, 5 months is really nothing. Our would-be 3 year anniversary is next week, and so is my birthday. Stupid hope is still lingering that maybe he'll use it to break contact. But more than likely not. I am definitely not looking forward to it. It's a miserable month.

[Exit]

Sorry, it's not easy to deal with milestones and birthdays looming ahead. I know I'm not looking forward to the holiday season. I don't blame you for hoping it might motivate him to break contact. If he doesn't, then I think you really need to push to move on.

[Minadee]

Sweetie, if you need to, have a cry. Just a long, hard cry and get it all out of your system. You have to keep telling yourself that if this boy wanted to contact you, he would have.

 

If he doesn't contact you on your birthday then he isn't worth feeling so miserable over. You are doing really well, keep up the NC until your head is in a better place, because if you contact him now, and take it from my book, it wont help. He will see a woman who wallows over him and can't live her life without him, when really you should be holding your head high and proving to him that you don't need him in your life.

 

Oh, and make sure you enjoy your birthday! They are a special, once a year occasion, and don't let him, or anyone else ruin it for you! And don't pin all your hopes that he may or may not contact you or wish you a nice day. If you don't expect anything, then you can't be disapointed.

[not-a-drive-by]

I did cry. I cried myself to sleep. Then I had a dream of him. I haven't dreamt of him for so long. In the dream, we were having good time as friends. I was miserable at work, something that I haven't felt in a while. It's all getting back to me and it feels like I've taken a few steps back. The hope just keeps getting higher and higher as the days draws nearer.

 

I know if he wanted to contact me he would have. If he misses me, he is not missing me enough to contact me. Or, if he does still care about me, he may be holding back to not stagger my progress. I want to send him a text or something, just to break the silence. But I am afraid of being ignored. I am afraid of being rejected again . I miss him so much.

[not-a-drive-by]

, I'm not coping at all. I'm sitting here crying and feeling so miserable. I don't know how to make this feeling go away again. I am feeling really tempted to contact him. But the thing stopping me is, I don't even know how to start a conversation with him...Ugh, I'm in so much pain right now.

[PYTpisces]

Hugs. Let it all out dear. You're being so strong right now by not contacting him. Use the fact that you don't even know how to address him now as proof that you've come a long way. Use this intense pain to continue purging for as long as it takes. Your heart will mend. It will grow strong again. Just hold on and keep fighting to make it to the other side.

[smokey bear]

I did cry. I cried myself to sleep. Then I had a dream of him. I haven't dreamt of him for so long. In the dream, we were having good time as friends. I was miserable at work, something that I haven't felt in a while. It's all getting back to me and it feels like I've taken a few steps back. The hope just keeps getting higher and higher as the days draws nearer.

 

I know if he wanted to contact me he would have. If he misses me, he is not missing me enough to contact me. Or, if he does still care about me, he may be holding back to not stagger my progress. I want to send him a text or something, just to break the silence. But I am afraid of being ignored. I am afraid of being rejected again . I miss him so much.

 

I promise in a few days or weeks you will feel a lot better, we go backwards before we go forward.

 

Every time you feel like this, your letting go a little bit more and you will feel better after it. You have to grieve and thats what your doing, its the only way to heel. To feel and work through the pain, resolves it.

 

Your doing absolutley fantastic and remember its just a bad patch, you may have even felt it coming, its natural and will pass.

 

My ex ruined my birthday ever year we were together and this year, exactly a year after he left me, on my birthday, he contacted me to tell me his new girlfriend was pregnant.

 

Like you, I also wished he would contact me, well...... i got what i wished for but not what i wanted.

 

Luckily i was letting go and moving on and had met someone new who made that day special no matter how much my ex tried to ruin it.

 

I was like you at 5 months. I will put my hand on my heart and tell you that one day you will let go and feel absolutely normal and like your old self again but bigger and better.

[coffeeloverx]

I"m glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. My ex and I broke up 4 months ago and have been NC for about a month and a half. It's hard, most days I'm fine but as of late, I've been missing him a lot.

 

I can say, enjoy your birthday. Do something for YOU.

 

Big hugs. Things will get better real soon, don't worry.

[Mr Scorpio]

, I'm not coping at all. I'm sitting here crying and feeling so miserable. I don't know how to make this feeling go away again. I am feeling really tempted to contact him. But the thing stopping me is, I don't even know how to start a conversation with him...Ugh, I'm in so much pain right now.

 

Trust me, my dear. Time will take care of your wounds. People always say that, and other people always doubt it. Rest assured, there are scientific reasons related to the various parts of your brain that make it true.

 

Based on my experience, the worst is over for you! The holidays may be a little rough, but they will be followed by a brand new year! Whatever stock you put in anniversaries -- ("oh.. last Christmas I gave him 'x'...) -- put it in the fact that you are being given a new year to craft your life as you see fit.

[not-a-drive-by]

Thank you for all the encouraging words. It's this kind of support that keeps me going. My brain has been conjuring up crazy things - one of them was to ask him out for dinner at a leagues club we joined together. I have a 2 for 1 dinner deal for my birthday. A good excuse to contact him with...but in my mind, I do no what the result will be. No reply. And if he does and we do meet for dinner, I don't know how I would stomach the days to come without seeing him again.

 

@PYTpisces & coffeeloverx - hugs to you both. I do feel stronger, but nevertheless, the emotions are quite strong right now. I'm thinking of him more and more, which is not good. For a while, I stopped thinking of what he might be up to in the day. But it's all back now. Me wondering about his life without me. Or, what we would be doing if we were still together...

 

@Mr Scorpio - I am actually very afraid of the festive season. Christmas, New Years, and then Valentine's Day. It'll be a very tough new years. And I do believe that time heals all wounds. I've come a long way since 5 months ago. This is my first BU and he was my first love. I'd never thought that I would get this far. The first few weeks, I was so miserable that I lost the will to live. I had a lot of depressing thoughts.

 

@smokey bear - I am sorry that your ex keeps ruining your birthday. Especially with that kind of news. Sometimes we wish for things that we can't have, and when we have it, we wish we didn't. But I really do want him to use it as a way to open up communication with me again . At times, I don't know if he is being cruel to be kind.

[not-a-drive-by]

Well, D-Day is only 2 hours away. It will be our anniversary. I doubt he will contact me. I was really looking forward to this day before our BU. It would've been our 3 year anniversary. Thinking back to last year, he bought me a lovely dozen of roses delivered to my work and treated me to fine dining. We would be wishing each other happy anniversary. But not this year . Probably will cry myself to sleep again tonight, and not sure how I will cope tomorrow at work. I am worried that I will breakdown crying, especially on the way to work. I am tempted to contact him at the end of tomorrow, just to say "I've been thinking of you". But of course he knows that . Really wonder what is going on in his mind. I wrote him a letter yesterday at work, probably won't send it off. Wished it would all change tomorrow. Somehow. It would really be the best birthday present. My hopes are really too high...

[Indy C]

Well, D-Day is only 2 hours away. It will be our anniversary. I doubt he will contact me. I was really looking forward to this day before our BU. It would've been our 3 year anniversary. Thinking back to last year, he bought me a lovely dozen of roses delivered to my work and treated me to fine dining. We would be wishing each other happy anniversary. But not this year . Probably will cry myself to sleep again tonight, and not sure how I will cope tomorrow at work. I am worried that I will breakdown crying, especially on the way to work. I am tempted to contact him at the end of tomorrow, just to say "I've been thinking of you". But of course he knows that . Really wonder what is going on in his mind. I wrote him a letter yesterday at work, probably won't send it off. Wished it would all change tomorrow. Somehow. It would really be the best birthday present. My hopes are really too high...

 

I'm really sorry your having to go through this I know it sucks. Me and my ex's 4 year anniversary was Halloween and we broke up in August after she left me for my best friend. The first one is always the hardest but you got to keep looking up and remember that there is someone out there better.

 

Now hang in there and keep that chin up. You clearly have a heart over flowing with love and you diserve better than this. Any guy would be a fool to walk away from a girl with as much love as your willing to give. Things WILL get better

Edited November 14, 2012 by Indy C

[bolainmarsh5]

i feel the exact same way as you, what i did is to go to talk with some one some one you trust to listen to you and also see a therapist they will help you with self confidence and how you feel generally they might prescribe you meds for depression.

[not-a-drive-by]

Well, yesterday came and passed. Not a text or call from him. I did receive a call from a mobile number that I did not recognise around 10pm, but noone spoke. Saying that it might be him that called may be a far call and that I'm reading into it too much. Instead, to pass the night, I went out for drinks with a friend. Hate how such a meaningful day that I was looking forward to (a milestone) can be nothing now - to him.

 

Birthday is in two days. I don't think I'd get a birthday text either .

[stemac]

not-a-drive-by it comes in waves, its been 2 and a half maybe 3 month i am not counting

I don't want to know how long this person wrecked My life, but im like you feeling so sad everyday wishing they would contact us, are they really

worth all this sadness?? I think not but our heart don't see it, oneday you will

be-over this just like i will, I am 43 so ive been here before well twice before

but this break up hit me so so hard i thought the world of her :-(

 

But i know for sure is will fade to nothing in time, they have lost someone who

really loved them, its their loss not-a-drive-by not yours :-)

 

 

 

Time is your Friend!

[spaniard]

not-a-drive-by... have your ever thought about moving on?

 

I know it's a bit harsh, but I'm the harsh guy here who conforts others with the ugly truth.

 

Although I'm totally aware of how hard it is what you are going thru, but simply I think you don't really want to move on.

 

Would you be happier if he sent you a birthday message? Would it change anything?

 

I just hope that my ex won't send a message for Christmas, NYE or my birthday in January. We are here to MOVE ON. Thinking about the past, waiting for him/her to send a birthday card, to call you on the day of your anniversary (after the break up? how weird that would have been, really) is just not the right way to move on.

 

I know how hard it is, but you have to fight it. You have to get back on your feet and try healing ACTIVELY, because thinking about the past, sticking to old things and habits will get you nowhere and these things are extremely self-destructive.

 

I hope the best for you.

Edited November 16, 2012 by spaniard

[not-a-drive-by]

spaniard, if I had read your message last night, you would've been the third person in the same day to tell me to move on. I guess you are right, I don't really want to move on in a way. I am afraid to take that first step. I am still hoping .

 

Something got to me last night and decided to search for my ex on FB. He had deactivated it when we broke up. But it seems that he has reactivated it recently. His status still says he is in a relationship with me (I thought that would've been the first things he'd change). I know it means nothing now, and I don't think I'd visit his page again - seeing that status update again will just stab my heart again.

 

I don't know if the bday message will make me happier. But at least I know I haven't been completely erased from his memory... . I also see these festive days as ways to open lines communication, especially after a period of NC.

Edited November 17, 2012 by not-a-drive-by

[Indy C]

Okay this is where your self discipline has really got to kick in. That was my biggest weakness was looking at my ex's FB, and everytime i did it brought my nothing but pain. You have got to be strong here!

Edited November 17, 2012 by Indy C
typo

[lakerman34]

PLEASE do yourself a favor a DEACTIVATE ALL SOCIAL NETWORKING SITES. I did this so my ex had no idea what I was doing and so the temptation to visit it wouldn't be there. There was a window for me to get back together with my ex, but I made it clear that I didn't want to get back together b/c she dumped me, and had we gotten back together, all the emotions would have come back and we'd probably end up breaking up later on anyways because all the problems would come back as well.

 

Deactivate Facebook, and put in blocks so you don't get tempted to visit his social networking sites. I can't tell you how this messes with his head (my ex made all her social networking sites 'private,' and she can't see what I'm up to), and how much easier it made NC and moving on. You're really tormenting yourself by keeping your Facebook.

[not-a-drive-by]

I could just unfriend him, rather than just giving up the whole thing...but he has put up whatever settings so that I can't really see anything on his page. Seeing that he is back on FB, I am pretty sure that the next step he will take is to unfriend me or block me. His already done it on Skype a long time ago (I just didn't realise). I can't put myself to doing it . Will leave him to do the work if he wants to cut me off that badly...

[Minadee]

Ah facebook and twitter. One of the worst things to happen to relationships! I agree with Indy, I was going onto my ex's twitter all the time, over analysing everything, crying at when he told the world he was #movingon and #happy with how things were going with this new chick. It literally made me so self destructive and so I am giving twitter a long break. I am also very inactive on facebook now, I go on only about once a day to check notifications or events with my friends. Honestly, it is hurting you more than helping you, you have to put this block up that you cannot control his life anymore and that is how it is at this moment in time. It's not worth the pain honey, honestly.

[not-a-drive-by]

Well, I finally got the birthday message I was hoping for . He wished me a great day today or even last night, best wishes. It completely took me by surprise and made my heart skip a beat. But I have to take it at face value. That's all it is - a generic birthday message to a friend .

[dinosaur]

Hi!

 

I've been there and there are definitely some bad days still. It's pretty simple: you were hurt. It's going to take awhile - probably a little more than a year. Be patient!

 

Most importantly you need to focus on getting OVER him than getting him back. It's over - keep telling yourself that. Keep telling yourself all of the things you didn't like about him and how you'll find someone with better traits. Most importantly, go out and make new memories. Right now he's been in your memory for the last 3 years right? So it's probably really hard not to think of him. How well can you remember things from the year before last year? You forget anything not too significant. All of those small memories will fade. This is a gift.

 

I know it's hard: I'm in a very similar situation except it's been 6 months and he broke up with me after our 3rd year. When you're with someone for that long the hardest part is letting them go forever. I knew I HAD to do it and I just kept pushing myself and I'll admit it was super painful. You need to get past this hurdle: let him go. It'll hurt a lot more to give up the hope he might come back because you'll realize you're alone. Eventually you'll get used to being alone and find yourself and find that other things make you happy. Just tell yourself you have to give up on him though - I didn't want to either, I refused for awhile, but eventually you'll realize you're just hurting yourself.

 

And please block him on everything. You'll realize it's a big relief!

 

The worst part for me by the way was that my ex always wanted to come back for physical contact so it became so hard to let him go. He'd come back and leave and wouldn't ever let me heal even though I begged him lots of times not to. I would get anxious about him coming back. What your ex is doing is cruel by not contacting you, and it was cruel of him to break up with you too, but it's a favor - he's helping you move on. I know you want him to come back but think about how horrible you'd feel after! Do you really want him to come back knowing he doesn't want to be with you?

Edited November 18, 2012 by dinosaur