seemenow Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 To remind you all I was with my ex girlfriend for about 5 years. We broke up a few times, got back together. Very complicated but close relationship. I loved her very much. We broke up for the last time officially about a year ago. She got a new boyfriend right after we broke up. But 6 months ago, she told me things weren't good between them, that she still loved and cared about me, and that she just needed time to break it off with him. We eventually started seeing each other more, slept together, started dating again. After a couple of weeks she still hadn't broke up with her boyfriend. I ask her about him and she just shut down. Another week went by and no change. I got angry, and asked her why she started dating me again if she had no intention of leaving her boyfriend. It turned into a huge fight and we stopped contact for a couple weeks. I was still angry a couple of weeks later when we talked and accused her of lying to me, bs-ing me, using me, etc. I told her she should feel guilty for doing that to her boyfriend too. She then went off and said that it was "just sex" between her and I and that she loved her boyfriend and no longer loved me. (She said this after telling me that she still loved me just a couple of weeks before). It was obvious when it came down to it, she would sacrifice me for him, and he was the one she didn't want to risk losing after all, even though we had been together for 5 years. That hurt. I was depressed and extremely hurt for awhile after that. I know it sounds pathetic, but I wanted us to remain friends because she was my best friend and I didn't want to lose that. Whenever we would talk after that she would NEVER mention her boyfriend, she would even lie and say she was at her brother's house even if I knew she was with her boyfriend. I didn't know why she would continue to lie if we werent together anymore and she just wanted me as a friend, anyway, she would even tell me that she spends the night alone every night and that they no longer have sex. So for the last couple of months, it continued like this. Until about a week ago.... All of a sudden she started being truthful and honest with me when we would talk. I would ask her what she is dong tonight and she would answer that she was spending time with her boyfriend. She would NEVER do that before, she would always say "nothing" or go to my brothers. But now she is being open with me about it, even showing me a painting that they did together. What do you think this change means? Do you think she is done playing games? Do you think all her intimate feelings are gone for me now and she is comfortable now? Do you think she is just wanting to rub it in my face? Or do you think she is just trying to be truthful and respectful to the choice she made? It just seems so real now. That we are completely over. I love her so it hurts. It seems when she would "hide" him from me before it was because she didn't want me to know so maybe we could still have a chance again. I don't know. I feel pathetic for even feeling this way. I know I should move on. And I will. Just trying to understand, and gets some insight. I guess I am more broken-hearted than I thought. Thank you.
21flames Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 Sounds like she is using you and pissi*g you around, was she seeing him behind your back before you split?
theLWord Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 I'm sorry you are hurting and that she led you on. Someone can only speculate on the answers to your questions, but does it matter why or what the change means? The fact is, she lied to you, strung you along for her own selfish reasons, and now you're left to pick up the pieces. You should not want to be friends with this girl, she will only bring you down more. Maybe things started getting better with him and now she feels the need to mention him. He got cheated on, so it can't be too great for him either I would guess. You need to drop this girl and yeah, move on. I know it hurts, but she has moved out, you don't really have a choice. There's nothing to hold onto, go NC.
Author seemenow Posted November 8, 2012 Author Posted November 8, 2012 (edited) Thank you for the replies. Honestly I am not sure if she was seeing him before we split up officially, but I suspect that she was, and I knew she liked him. Her boyfriend only knows me as an ex, we have met a couple of times and got on okay, he doesn't know that she cheated on him as far as I know. If she loves him so much I do not know why she wanted me still. Maybe as a sidedish or maybe because we had been together for so long. I am in shock that she would just throw me away and disrespect me like this. That she would just choose him so quickly when I brought up the fact that she should feel guilty for what she was doing. Just wish it all made more sense-maybe you're right, maybe things are better between them and she has decided just to leave me in their dust. It's incredible what people are capable of doing to one another. I was wrong about her I guess. She obviously never felt as strongly for me as I believed she did. And maybe she isn't hiding him anymore because she doesn't need to. I am gone to her. And she no longer cares. This sucks. It really sucks. She was so much to me for 5 years. 5 years. I loved her deeply. Any more wise words would be great. I need them. Edited November 8, 2012 by seemenow
21flames Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 Thank you for the replies. Honestly I am not sure if she was seeing him before we split up officially, but I suspect that she was, and I knew she liked him. Her boyfriend only knows me as an ex, we have met a couple of times and got on okay, he doesn't know that she cheated on him as far as I know. If she loves him so much I do not know why she wanted me still. Maybe as a sidedish or maybe because we had been together for so long. I am in shock that she would just throw me away and disrespect me like this. That she would just choose him so quickly when I brought up the fact that she should feel guilty for what she was doing. Just wish it all made more sense-maybe you're right, maybe things are better between them and she has decided just to leave me in their dust. It's incredible what people are capable of doing to one another. I was wrong about her I guess. She obviously never felt as strongly for me as I believed she did. And maybe she isn't hiding him anymore because she doesn't need to. I am gone to her. And she no longer cares. This sucks. It really sucks. She was so much to me for 5 years. 5 years. I loved her deeply. Any more wise words would be great. I need them. All adds up I'm afraid She's a user and will keep using you as a friend for sex a shoulder to cry on so long as you keep letting her. Think of how you felt when you suspected her and when she split with you and got with this new man. You will be giving him that same feeling by sleeping with her I wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy but if he knew she was with you when he started seeing her then he deserves it really. But yeah take self control back and go NC, what do you think will happen get back with her, then what, never trust a word she says and have to go through a right load of sh*t all over again? It will not have a happy ending if you keep pursuing it. Give yourself a break, look out for you.
Dagorath Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 I can't help but agree. This girl sounds like a user with self-interest who thinks she can walk all over men and exploit certain parts of their personality. I recently just broke up with a girl in a relationship of 5 months. When I called her out on her emotional attatchment to her exes, she just shut off - and that was the first red flag. The fact of the matter is this girl keeps her exes around as a back-up so she never has to actually face the trauma of a break up. If she loses one, she goes right back to the other - and they keep coming back to her because she's a sweet little blonde, and smoking hot. 3 weeks before I started seeing her, I was in her house with a friend going to the Warrior Dash and I saw her walk out of her room with her ex. Now after 5 months, she has decided after week of being broken up that she is going back to him. The fact of the matter is that she knows she can have me; she doesn't know if she can have him back. She's a classic user; and when I called her out for being so cold - she claimed that she cared and told me how amazing I was and how she hopes we stay in touch. Well I thought about it for a few days and cross-referenced the emotions with logic, and I realized that I wasn't going to be another one of her fail-safes. Sometimes with girls like this, the best thing to do is just walk away. They think they can use guys and walk all over them, and they boast it as this individual strength - but in the future, after they have squandered every good man away - they will be alone and weak, and have no one to turn to. Let her go. Trust me, you don't need it. What really bothered me about the girl I was with is that she maintained a front that she was really into me - and even guilt tripped me for being tentative.. Turns out she was only giving me about 70% and distributing the other 15% between two exes that she had as a fall-back... Like I said, she'll end up alone - and to be perfectly arrogant. I'm the best she's had so far, and likely the best she will have. Good riddance. "The Change," is likely that she misses interaction with you and thinks the dust has settled enough to try again. Don't fall for it. Move on. You'll be better off. -J
21flames Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 Your right time stands still for nobody and when all these ex's wake up or move on she will have aged got a bad name as a man jumper and user and will be alone with any luck, more than these girls deserve for the hurt they cause, perhaps they will see then but even in years to come they will settle to be with anybody than have to be alone and deal with the horrid person they are inside. 1
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