OompaLoompa Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 Long story short, I've never had a fwb, but recently wanted to try that out so started talking to this guy, who also wanted a fwb, who never had one too. We tried to meet up to get to know each other better but he got scared or something and he cancelled the appointment TWICE over the span of two weeks (always like a few hours before the meetup). And then after a week, he got back in touch, saying he was wrong and he wants to meet up again. But then I wasn't sure if I still want to try this fwb thing bc I feel like it just won't work? (what if I fall for him or something and he doesnt, etc) anyways so i told him. and then he hasn't replied yet. was this a right choice? i mean should i at least have met him in person and then decide if i want to do fwb thing or not? what do you guys think? Does fwb ever really work (how is it supposed to work)? And if one person develops feeling, will fwb develop into a serious relationship?
Ruby Slippers Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 I think it's a bad idea. I did it twice. The second guy was a sweetheart, and it was a short little fling that did a good job of rousing me from a long bout of self-pitying cynicism. I'll always be thankful to him for that. The first guy was sweet at first, but eventually revealed to me that he had anger issues and took medication for depression. After I ended things, he went stalker on me, and I ended up having to file a restraining order against him. Pretty much the worst nightmare scenario, short of actual violence. So yeah, it was 50/50 for me - not great odds!!! I vote don't do it.
Author OompaLoompa Posted November 8, 2012 Author Posted November 8, 2012 I think it's a bad idea. I did it twice. The second guy was a sweetheart, and it was a short little fling that did a good job of rousing me from a long bout of self-pitying cynicism. I'll always be thankful to him for that. The first guy was sweet at first, but eventually revealed to me that he had anger issues and took medication for depression. After I ended things, he went stalker on me, and I ended up having to file a restraining order against him. Pretty much the worst nightmare scenario, short of actual violence. So yeah, it was 50/50 for me - not great odds!!! I vote don't do it. I am pretty sure that this guy does not have any problems that I should be worried about. I guess I am more worried about my reputation, what not.... Don't most guys kiss and tell..
Ruby Slippers Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 I am pretty sure that this guy does not have any problems that I should be worried about. I guess I am more worried about my reputation, what not.... Don't most guys kiss and tell.. A lot of people here told me what a bad idea it was. I sounded like you - oh, he's fine, I can handle it. But I wish I had listened to them. As for your reputation... The stalker I mentioned started sending crazy messages to my friends on Facebook. My first thought was: What if he sends the same messages to my CLIENTS, on my business Facebook? That's when I reported him to the police. This may not seem to apply directly to you. I'm just saying that all kinds of unexpected things can happen when you're having sex with someone you essentially hardly know.
Author OompaLoompa Posted November 8, 2012 Author Posted November 8, 2012 A lot of people here told me what a bad idea it was. I sounded like you - oh, he's fine, I can handle it. But I wish I had listened to them. As for your reputation... The stalker I mentioned started sending crazy messages to my friends on Facebook. My first thought was: What if he sends the same messages to my CLIENTS, on my business Facebook? That's when I reported him to the police. This may not seem to apply directly to you. I'm just saying that all kinds of unexpected things can happen when you're having sex with someone you essentially hardly know. Yeah I agree. I guess the only reason I am reluctant to completely forget about this deal (even after I told him I don't think I can pull it off) because he is kinda cute (at least from the pictures I saw) I don't know... Maybe I've just been outta relationship for too long
Ruby Slippers Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 Yeah I agree. I guess the only reason I am reluctant to completely forget about this deal (even after I told him I don't think I can pull it off) because he is kinda cute (at least from the pictures I saw) I don't know... Maybe I've just been outta relationship for too long Yeah. This guy was cute, too. And crazy!! I had also been out of a relationship too long. How about going on some dates? You can have a lot of fun with a man without getting nekkid. Once you get to know him a little, getting nekkid gets a lot more fun - and generally safer on the body and heart, too. I'm not trying to sound like your grandma! Just trying to help, telling you what I wish someone had told me back then.
Author OompaLoompa Posted November 8, 2012 Author Posted November 8, 2012 Yeah. This guy was cute, too. And crazy!! I had also been out of a relationship too long. How about going on some dates? You can have a lot of fun with a man without getting nekkid. Once you get to know him a little, getting nekkid gets a lot more fun - and generally safer on the body and heart, too. I'm not trying to sound like your grandma! Just trying to help, telling you what I wish someone had told me back then. I totally appreciate your advice!! Grandma is what I need right now I mean I prefer dates. but I think he's only interested in casual relationship (although I haven't asked, that's sort of why we started talking to each other because we initially both wanted only fwb deal). And when he emailed me last time asking to get together, I replied that I am no longer interested in fwb. And he hasn't replied since. Should i ask him if hed be up for a friend or dating instead? or does his absence of reply sufficiently show his disinterest? 1
Ruby Slippers Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 I totally appreciate your advice!! Grandma is what I need right now All right, sweetie pie. Here's some ice cream I mean I prefer dates. If you want dates, accept nothing less but I think he's only interested in casual relationship (although I haven't asked, that's sort of why we started talking to each other because we initially both wanted only fwb deal). What makes you think this? And when he emailed me last time asking to get together, I replied that I am no longer interested in fwb. And he hasn't replied since. Maybe that's what makes you think this! Should i ask him if hed be up for a friend or dating instead? or does his absence of reply sufficiently show his disinterest? Maybe he was hesitant about FWB because he actually wants something more, too. Talk to him about it. Whatever BS we've all been force-fed by media and pop culture, I think most people really do want something sweet and wholesome. Definitely fun and perhaps a little kinky, too, once it gets to that point. But caring relationships are generally better for people than half-hearted involvements. Many men do want to be in loving relationships. Those have the best chance of making it when they start with good old-fashioned dates and sweetness - in my opinion.
Author OompaLoompa Posted November 8, 2012 Author Posted November 8, 2012 I PM'ed you. Hopefully it went through!
sweetkiwi Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 in order to be friends with benefits you must first have already established friendship. If you're trying to do the friendship and sex at the same time, for the first time, its only nsa sex. Got it? Good. Now. Having sex with my friends has worked well for me. One of my best friends just happens to be a cute guy who is very well endowed and as crazy as me in bed. We care about eachother but not in a romantic way. So if we're both single and in town we usually hook up. And we remain the same friends we were before. So friends first. Then fwb. And don't start falling in love. If you think you will you're not ready for it. And if you think it will endanger your friendship don't do it. 1
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