Scotty Riggs Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 I'm in my mid 20s and I've begun dating my coworker, a mid-40s mother of two. After we got to know one another she quickly took interest in me, Friend requesting me, getting my number, and texting somewhat frequently. Things starting turning romantic as we began hanging out outside of work. Before kissing her, I explained that I find our relationship unusual given the difference in age and place in life (her raising kids, my wanting kids someday). I told her that we can be together, unhinge our temptations, and enjoy one another, but that someday I'll probably want to go back to dating younger women for the prospect of having a family, and she understood. So we made out and ended up having sex that night. We're still seeing one another and even though she seems a little strange (she absolutely adores me, and she Friend requested my mom, whom she's never met--I wasn't too happy and told my mom it was accidental), we have good conversation, I enjoy her affection, and I make her happy. Aside from her "grabbby", highly affectionate personality, I'm a little uneasy of how things will play out because: 1) Her son has ADHD and acts insane when I'm present. Both of her kids are so clingy to her and disruptive. I've been around them a little, but I much prefer to only spend time with her when we can be alone. 2) If things continue for several months, I'm not sure how I'd feel about having her meet my family. They'd be very confused as to why I'm with this older woman with kids, and Mom would probably be frustrated that I'm not with someone younger that could provide her with grandkids. I'd just rather avoid any of that. 3) I feel like someday I might end up breaking up with her because I'll want to date younger women again, like I told her. I don't know when or how this will play out, but I want to avoid hurting her as much as possible if/when this happens. I wanted her to realize that, although things may change down the road, we might as well just enjoy being with one another right now. Am I being disrespectful to her with these mixed up feelings? She recognized that it is an unusual relationship and that someday I'll probably want a mate, so at least I clarified that.
ja123 Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 (edited) What drew you to her? Was it because she made the advances and you have no other prospects? If you are looking for advice, it sounds like both of you are getting emotionally involved. So, this is becoming more than a FWB-situation. And even though you and she know that you will eventually leave, it won't stop her hoping that you won't. This is going to end in tears, IMO. Plus, time flies ... ok, you're in your mid-twenties now, but before you know, it you'll be in your mid-thirties (and potentially still with her, or just having broken up with her) and you'll be wondering where all the time went. In addition, she sounds very odd. I think she has some emotional issues to work through. I mean "friending" your Mom? Too weird. It seems that this woman lacks boundaries. Plus having you meet her kids? How disruptive is that for them? I question her judgment on that. And she's your co-worker, too? Those are a lot of whammies, man. I think you have to move on, and fast. Edited November 10, 2012 by ja123
SmileFace Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 Break up with her now. You both aren't in a relationship - relationships don't start with a break up. She seems to be growing attach to you and you know you will still soon step away. If you care for this lady one bit you will end it now. Plus you don't even like her kids - if she knew that I will hope she would end it with you. Why are you even imagining meeting her family and vice versa? She isn't what you seem to be seeking - please don't waste your time and hers.
jcrew11 Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 Haha, you are a milfhunter and cougar lover! Just go with it and have fun. She's just lonely and desperate. If you really "fall in love" then marry her, but just date her for a few months until you find a hotter and younger girl. There are always ways to get grandkids through surrogacy or a 2nd girlfriend.
dasein Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 There are issues in every relationship, regardless of the age, and issues dating people with children, regardless of the age. So no, I don't think you are in the wrong for considering these issues. At this point, you are both involved on equal footing, and you have told her this won't last in all likelihood, so nothing wrong with continuing as long as you both like. She could decide to terminate tomorrow for example. It is a chance in all relationships. With any relationship, you weigh the pros and cons of it for both parties involved and worry most about your side of it and allow the other party to worry about their side of it. If you feel that spending more time with this woman curtails your opportunities to pursue the goal of having your family in the future, and that outweighs what you are getting now, then it's time to go. Until that point just enjoy a good relationship.
suladas Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 You said "probably". IMO you must decide if you can see it long term or not. If not clearly tell her that the relationship has a expiration date, and there is ZERO chance of it being long term. If you are both ok go for it, but I doubt she will be. Otherwise end it before it gets serious. Being in a very similar situation, my ex was 35 with kids, i'm 23. It was made very clear upfront that she never wanted more kids and if I did to find someone else.
todreaminblue Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 I'm in my mid 20s and I've begun dating my coworker, a mid-40s mother of two. After we got to know one another she quickly took interest in me, Friend requesting me, getting my number, and texting somewhat frequently. Things starting turning romantic as we began hanging out outside of work. Before kissing her, I explained that I find our relationship unusual given the difference in age and place in life (her raising kids, my wanting kids someday). I told her that we can be together, unhinge our temptations, and enjoy one another, but that someday I'll probably want to go back to dating younger women for the prospect of having a family, and she understood. So we made out and ended up having sex that night. We're still seeing one another and even though she seems a little strange (she absolutely adores me, and she Friend requested my mom, whom she's never met--I wasn't too happy and told my mom it was accidental), we have good conversation, I enjoy her affection, and I make her happy. Aside from her "grabbby", highly affectionate personality, I'm a little uneasy of how things will play out because: 1) Her son has ADHD and acts insane when I'm present. Both of her kids are so clingy to her and disruptive. I've been around them a little, but I much prefer to only spend time with her when we can be alone. 2) If things continue for several months, I'm not sure how I'd feel about having her meet my family. They'd be very confused as to why I'm with this older woman with kids, and Mom would probably be frustrated that I'm not with someone younger that could provide her with grandkids. I'd just rather avoid any of that. 3) I feel like someday I might end up breaking up with her because I'll want to date younger women again, like I told her. I don't know when or how this will play out, but I want to avoid hurting her as much as possible if/when this happens. I wanted her to realize that, although things may change down the road, we might as well just enjoy being with one another right now. Am I being disrespectful to her with these mixed up feelings? She recognized that it is an unusual relationship and that someday I'll probably want a mate, so at least I clarified that. I would start to think of th ekids honestly ...you are both adults and will deal with whatever comes your way with adult minds hopefully....but an adhd kid you dont like and call insane and you dont like the fact they are clingy with her....... She is a mother first and foremost and if she doesnt think like that she should.......so should you.......those kids need their mother more than you need her ......in my opinion let her go before those kids actually become attached to having you around you are not respecting them...if she gets hurt she still has to carry on being a mother.....you are a free agent and in the post you wrote there is more negativity about her and her children than positive....that should say something to you about how you really feel about her......i wish you well....deb
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