Wiredandriod Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 hey guys, this is my first time posting on this site so any advice would be greatly appreciated. Well my problem is that I'm currently dating this great girl who I met through mutual friend, we clicked when we first met. it's been two month since we first met and we went to plenty of dates, hang out on average about twice a week, really comfortable in each other's company. BUT the problem is that she does not want a relationship at the moment because that it has not been a year yet since she ended her relationship with her ex which lasted 8 years, while 7 of those were long distance. it took me a while to wrap my head around the length of it and I get why she want to stay single for at least a while before anything serious. Heres my dilemma though, her ex is comming back to the country and he is going to stay at her place for a short while until he get back onto his feet. I do not want to back out of this now but I'm scared that they will rekindle their relationship. how can I make her realize that they broke up for a reason and that she should give us a chance? what should I do (forget about her is not an option because I need to see this through, I just need to keep a positive outlook) I know I only knew her for two month compared to her eight year relationship. anyone with similar issues care to share their insight on how they dealt with this type of stuff?
dasein Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 Welcome to the forum. Sorry to say this is completely out of your hands, other than a firm ultimatum that if he moves in, you are gone, and that's exactly what I think you should do in this case, just tell her straight up without anger or drama that this will be the end for you two. Slim chance she may reconsider. There is no way you should consider trying to continue a two month relationship while she has a recent long term ex moving in with her. In fact, also sorry to say, if she truly valued you and any prospects with you for the future, she would never have agreed to this or suggested such. I can't think of anyone I know or have known who would be OK with this arrangement, even if you two aren't exclusive. 8 year ex moves in? The end. Good luck moving forward. 1
Under The Radar Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 hey guys, this is my first time posting on this site so any advice would be greatly appreciated. Well my problem is that I'm currently dating this great girl who I met through mutual friend, we clicked when we first met. it's been two month since we first met and we went to plenty of dates, hang out on average about twice a week, really comfortable in each other's company. BUT the problem is that she does not want a relationship at the moment because that it has not been a year yet since she ended her relationship with her ex which lasted 8 years, while 7 of those were long distance. it took me a while to wrap my head around the length of it and I get why she want to stay single for at least a while before anything serious. Heres my dilemma though, her ex is comming back to the country and he is going to stay at her place for a short while until he get back onto his feet. I do not want to back out of this now but I'm scared that they will rekindle their relationship. how can I make her realize that they broke up for a reason and that she should give us a chance? what should I do (forget about her is not an option because I need to see this through, I just need to keep a positive outlook) I know I only knew her for two month compared to her eight year relationship. anyone with similar issues care to share their insight on how they dealt with this type of stuff? She dated this guy for 8 years and he'll be living with her when he comes to visit. She's known you for 2 whole months. She is going to help him out until he "gets on his feet". Ok, uh yeah, sounds great If you continue to see her, while she still maintains contact with her ex, then you risk being iced out if/when she does rekindle something with him. I would honestly tell her how you feel about it and that you aren't comfortable. Just be prepared to walk away if necessary.
Spreeley713 Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 No matter what the excuse, if anyone says they don't want to be in a relationship, then you shouldn't waste your time if it's a relationship you want. You're just being used for company. Next, anyone that lets their ex move in is not over their ex and you need to runaway as fast as you can. These people will just blow smoke up your ass and in the end you're the one who gets hurt. 2
mysteryscape Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 the other posters are right. Why the hell should she put him up? If he doesn't have enough money to rent a room or an apartment, he should save some dough before he comes back. she has basically told you she's not interested in what you want. Now this guy is going to move in with her? Huge chance she is back in the sack with him soon. Even if not, you will be in perpetual anguish. if she cared about you in the way you want, she would not be doing this. she's sending you a message loud and clear. you should listen up.
Imajerk17 Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 (edited) Time to walk away. I'd say there is a very good chance that she is considering getting back together with her ex. And even if she is not, if she were excited about you, she still would not have agreed to this living arrangement in the first place. Oh yeah, and she and her ex will be having sex, no matter whether she intends to get back together with him or not. No matter if she is "completely over him" or not. THAT you can count on. There isn't anything you can do. She is an adult who made her decision, and she made her decision to let him stay with her even though she understands that you wouldn't be happy with it. If she isn't into you enough to not let him move in with her, after 2 months of dating you, it's hard to imagine her ever being that into you. Edited November 8, 2012 by Imajerk17
EasyHeart Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 I agree with everyone else. There's no way this scenario works out for you. Until she is emotionally (and physically) separated from her Ex, she is not available for dating.
Author Wiredandriod Posted November 17, 2012 Author Posted November 17, 2012 thanks for the feed backs guys. to update on the situation we ended it a week ago and I haven't talked to her since. I miss her still, and at the same time I'm angry for falling for her when she wasn't even emotionally available. It kills me to picture her with her ex now living with her. honestly i don't know if I can even be friend with her but we have mutual friends so eventually I will run into her again. I don't know what to do. I can't sleep anymore, everything seems dull and uninteresting and tiny things still remind me of her, and I'm usually a positive person. I know we only been two months but I never felt this way about anyone before and I'm having a hard time dealing with it. maybe only time can heal this but it seems its getting worse and its already been a week. I do have hobbies and other friends to keep my mind off her but they seem only temporary. should I not contact her at all? she also hasn't contacted me. and how long do you suppose to feel like this for because I really want to move on.
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