Not high school prob but started talking to girl/very shortly after she lost interest

[jj4021]

OK so I had an interesting thing happen recently which (somewhat) bugs me, wanted to post on here.

So I am in my late 20's, physically fit, very successful, attractive, confident, etc.

 

Get a LOT of numbers/girlfriends/dates (and children to boot lol), etc - also often get rejected but such is life and I am prepared for that.

Anyway, met a Gorgeous foreign girl. Approached her, BRIEFLY chatted with her (my signature, never too long), left her my phone number, and went about my day. That very evening received a text from her, stating how impressed she was with my manners, balls/daring to speak to her.

We chatted just a bit because I was busy with some work for my company. I was very polite, telling her I wanted to get to know her better. Even told her goodnight and sweet dreams. Followed up the next day with good morning and have a wonderful day. I did not lay on compliments, but I certainly initiated brief conversation. Well I had an extremely busy, long day. I did not chat with her that day anymore.

I have friends who are of mentality that you must act very interested in women initially. However it seems to work to my advantage to be polite & respond, but also be busy, suggest times to meet in near future instead of immediately, be semi-mysterious, etc. One thing I will NOT do though is ignore a woman's texts or calls. I firmly believe that although women want attention they crave the challenge of the guy who will not give them 100% attention right away, and they must work for it as we do.

So needless to say, in the middle of the afternoon on following day, I asked her how her day was. She almost immediately responded that it was good, asking how mine was. After a short bit, I replied that my day was great, but very busy again. I said I had a client in town, had accomplished a lot already, and told her to enjoy the rest of her day - she responded with something like "thank you so much!" No more conversation if I recall correctly.

So, the day after - I did my usual of "tell me more about yourself, things you enjoy doing for fun, some of your favorites, and any questions you may have right now for me." NO RESPONSE.

I let this go. Later that day (a Friday), sent another message telling her to have a fun and safe evening around 10pm, and goodnight and sweet dreams as I was headed to bed early due to a few VERY busy work days prior. I received a thank you, that is all.

So no communication for a few days from her. I end up:

1. going on a short trip

2. getting very sick upon my return and unable to go to my own business for nearly a week

While I was sick in bed, I told her I was thinking of her, asked how she was, and told her I was extremely sick but would like to set something up for maybe the following week to go out in person to dinner. I then proceeded to ask (again) more probing questions such as what types of food she enjoys and some of her fave restaurants. I received a response only to FEEL BETTER SOON, nothing related to answering my questions. I let that go as well.

 

So after about another 7 days with NO communication (Hell, she didn't initiate anything and I can't send too many messages myself because I don't want to look desperate lol) - I picked a day and asked if she was available then. The next day late in day I received reply that she would have to pass on my invitation. I was a bit shocked as she was a shy girl, and asked for a brief explanation. She responded that she had given me her number 3 weeks prior and now she had lost interest. I wasn't rude, but reminded her that I had been very ill and busy with work, but that did NOT mean I wasn't interested and I definitely wanted to get to know her better. I even told her she wouldn't regret a dinner with me. I also asked how in the world she expected me to take her out somewhere, when she refused to give me any personal info about things she enjoyed doing, restaurants for me to make reservations at, or anything related to her life. Hard to plan with no info or someone that doesn't act interested! Also, when she wouldn't respond to those questions, why in God's name would I later invite her to dinner lol - there needs to be communication for that! At that point, she declined again and asked me to leave her alone which upset me but I did not respond.

 

Now I'm a little bummed - I usually let women go without too much of a fight. I have too much to offer and firmly believe it is their loss (yes I'm a little cocky.) But for some reason I can't stop thinking about this one here. She is like wife material lol, so absolutely beautiful and may have been the one to make me settle down!!

I guess I would like reassurance that I did nothing wrong and she was the game playing one. I suppose I could have acted more interested, yes - but I am far from overbearing or clingy (and actually thats how girls typically are with me which forces me away.) I just can't help but wonder if things would have been different had I shown much more interest....

Thanks for any insight folks!!!

Edited November 8, 2012 by jj4021

[Divasu]

So in summary - you approached a girl you were mildly interested in, gave her your number - told her you wanted to get to know her better, stall, go away for business, sick for a week, then ask her out.

 

She probably took it as you playing games.

[jj4021]

Essentially you are correct, yes,

However, within about 60hours or so of meeting her I was attempting to get to know her better - motivating factors, likes/dislikes, places to vacation to, foods to eat, hobbies. I sent a 4 or so page text asking these questions, which I didn't elaborate to in my post above.

She never responded or elaborated.

So, she must have expected me to take her out within 48 hours....

When that threshold was not met, she lost interest and thus didnt respond with any substance.

I would be interested to hear guys and gals opinions on this one here.

Edited November 8, 2012 by jj4021

[Divasu]

So, she must have expected me to take her out within 48 hours....

 

I think that could just be an assumption on your part. Fact is, you waited 3 weeks before you asked her out. So like I said, she probably took that as disinterest or you playing games (especially since you're texting her all the time but not asking her out).

 

On top of that, you approached her and gave her YOUR number -- she reached out to you, and then....

 

In your defense, you were sick, busy with work, traveling etc. Sometimes, you have to strike while the iron is hot in the beginning. Try not to get too jazzed over it, you only met her one time.

[jefermelesyeux]

Essentially you are correct, yes,

However, within about 60hours or so of meeting her I was attempting to get to know her better - motivating factors, likes/dislikes, places to vacation to, foods to eat, hobbies. I sent a 4 or so page text asking these questions, which I didn't elaborate to in my post above.

She never responded or elaborated.

So, she must have expected me to take her out within 48 hours....

When that threshold was not met, she lost interest and thus didnt respond with any substance.

I would be interested to hear guys and gals opinions on this one here.

 

i don't think you did anything wrong here, man. it's very possible that she took into account your busy lifestyle, and realized she wanted someone more available. i actually think you did the best you could- you seem to be a very busy guy and yet you still made time for a girl you were interested in. i personally am nowhere near as busy, and i don't know what it's like to be that busy. so i might have questioned your intentions as well if it were me...although a little communication is better than none.

 

everyone is different though. some people generalize women, some generalize men. some move faster than others, some take a while. there's really no rhyme or reason as i see it. if she's going to thwart your attempts, then forget her. it's her loss, not yours.

[jj4021]

Well a little update on this:

I waited a few weeks then followed-up, saying how I would love the opportunity to take her out and that I'm sure she would have a lot of fun.

I got myself a dinner date for this week as a result

[Nightsky]

OK so I had an interesting thing happen recently which (somewhat) bugs me, wanted to post on here.

So I am in my late 20's, physically fit, very successful, attractive, confident, etc.

 

What's the "etc." is your balls big too?

 

Get a LOT of numbers/girlfriends/dates (and children to boot lol)' date=' etc - also often get rejected but such is life and I am prepared for that.[/quote']

 

What does "(and children to boot lol)" mean. Do you have children?

 

also if you get rejected often as would most men who ask women out often why than are you taking this one so personal? (no matter how great she seemed)

 

Anyway' date=' met a Gorgeous foreign girl. Approached her, BRIEFLY chatted with her (my signature, never too long), left her my phone number, and went about my day. That very evening received a text from her, stating how impressed she was with my manners, balls/daring to speak to her. [/quote']

 

Good job. In the future it would be more daring to get their number and ask them out in person right away instead of all these games of giving her your number and not asking them out. But hey things were working at this point so who am I to criticize what appears to be an obviously flawed approach of putting the woman in the position to be the aggressor.

 

We chatted just a bit because I was busy with some work for my company. I was very polite' date=' telling her I wanted to get to know her better. Even told her goodnight and sweet dreams. Followed up the next day with good morning and have a wonderful day. I did not lay on compliments, but I certainly initiated brief conversation. Well I had an extremely busy, long day. I did not chat with her that day anymore. [/quote']

 

You know what would have saved a lot of time for a busy person, if you had asked her out in person and got her number than. All this small talk could have been had over a meal instead of txts.

 

I have friends who are of mentality that you must act very interested in women initially. However it seems to work to my advantage to be polite & respond' date=' but also be busy, suggest times to meet in near future instead of immediately, be semi-mysterious, etc. One thing I will NOT do though is ignore a woman's texts or calls. I firmly believe that although women want attention they crave the challenge of the guy who will not give them 100% attention right away, and they must work for it as we do. [/quote']

 

Dude only an idiot would give 100% of their attention/trust what ever to a stranger. All you had to do was ask her out. As for being mysterious I don't need to try that. I'm not about to spill my life story to some one I just met so that alone will add mystery. Plus no matter how cool your job is or isn't it's lame to just talk about it so that will ad mystery.

 

So needless to say, in the middle of the afternoon on following day, I asked her how her day was. She almost immediately responded that it was good, asking how mine was. After a short bit, I replied that my day was great, but very busy again. I said I had a client in town, had accomplished a lot already, and told her to enjoy the rest of her day - she responded with something like "thank you so much!" No more conversation if I recall correctly.

So, the day after - I did my usual of "tell me more about yourself, things you enjoy doing for fun, some of your favorites, and any questions you may have right now for me." NO RESPONSE.

 

Why is it needless to say you txted her more small talk with out asking her out? How do you think you are being mysterious or busy? Just ask the damn girl out next time you probably come off as lame with all this small talk and time wasting. I fail to see how this makes you seem busy.

 

I let this go. Later that day (a Friday), sent another message telling her to have a fun and safe evening around 10pm, and goodnight and sweet dreams as I was headed to bed early due to a few VERY busy work days prior. I received a thank you, that is all.

So no communication for a few days from her. I end up:

1. going on a short trip

2. getting very sick upon my return and unable to go to my own business for nearly a week

While I was sick in bed, I told her I was thinking of her, asked how she was, and told her I was extremely sick but would like to set something up for maybe the following week to go out in person to dinner. I then proceeded to ask (again) more probing questions such as what types of food she enjoys and some of her fave restaurants. I received a response only to FEEL BETTER SOON, nothing related to answering my questions. I let that go as well.

 

Yes girls will ignore questions they don't like. Some girls. Like if you ask them out they might not give a response.

 

...

I guess I would like reassurance that I did nothing wrong and she was the game playing one. I suppose I could have acted more interested, yes - but I am far from overbearing or clingy (and actually thats how girls typically are with me which forces me away.) I just can't help but wonder if things would have been different had I shown much more interest....

Thanks for any insight folks!!!

 

You seem like the game player, and in my book you did plenty wrong. Next time just ask the girl out and save the 20 questions game for the date.

 

Well a little update on this:

I waited a few weeks then followed-up, saying how I would love the opportunity to take her out and that I'm sure she would have a lot of fun.

I got myself a dinner date for this week as a result

 

This is what you should have done the first day you met her. Also good job being persistent and not giving up. Bad job letting this drag on for weeks.