I'm 21, he's 43

[TheBigQuestion]

I reiterate.

 

I've noticed that too. Have you also noticed that the older woman is rarely, if ever, labeled or depicted as the predator in that scenario? Nope. She's the lucky older lady who had some no-strings-attached and/or short-term fun with a young, hunky guy. But apparently, in the eyes of at least a few people, if there's an age gap of any kind, I'm always going to be trying to take advantage of the woman in some way or another, for some reason or another, no matter what. Thankfully that group of people does not comprise most people.

 

Hell, I've heard people question 5 to 7 year age gaps in the 25 to 35 range. That's what makes this thread's evolution so ridiculous. All these cutoffs and ranges are completely arbitrary, and the fact that some posters are trying to universalize these individual preferences as generalizations about how relationships work (or ought to work) is reprehensible.

[dasein]

You are the one who fails to see it from any other point of view.

 

I stand by what I posted, which is that female preferences that start in HS, are a factor, not the totality, but a significant factor in M/F age gap relationships. None of the rest of your post offers any meaningful, likely reasoning suggesting that's not the case, so not going to reply specifically. It's not me who has the inflexible POV here.

[mesmerized]

I stand by what I posted, which is that female preferences that start in HS, are a factor, not the totality, but a significant factor in M/F age gap relationships. None of the rest of your post offers any meaningful, likely reasoning suggesting that's not the case, so not going to reply specifically. It's not me who has the inflexible POV here.

 

Way to rid yourself of responding to something you do not know how to respond to. I made great points regarding your simplistic unsound argument. I am not surprised though with that coming from you.

[EasyHeart]

The average old man who approaches young women often gets rejected in the nastiest ways, yet he continues to do so because that is what he wants or even go for a hooker if he has to. You would think the rejections are enough to reverse this "conditioning" but apparently not.

 

Women are extremely insecure, due to how society values them and who can blame them? Most women are afraid of going for a younger men even if they like him. Why? Because everyone tells them he eventually will leave them for a younger woman. Women are reminded And told of the preference of men for younger women waay more than the other way around.

 

You have a strange (and pretty offensive) view of both genders.

[mesmerized]

You have a strange (and pretty offensive) view of both genders.

 

Strange? I don't think so. Sad but true? Pretty much.

[kaylan]

42 isnt old? Sorry Dasein, over 30 is considered old to most girls ive known in their early 20s. It right turns them off.

I stand by what I posted, which is that female preferences that start in HS, are a factor, not the totality, but a significant factor in M/F age gap relationships. None of the rest of your post offers any meaningful, likely reasoning suggesting that's not the case, so not going to reply specifically. It's not me who has the inflexible POV here.

Actually, what I saw in high school was the older guys taking interest in any young girl so long as she was developed. You even had creepers in their 20s trying to hook up with my friends. Im talking a 25 yr old trying to kick game to 15/16 yr olds.

 

And while one girl would usually give older guys a shot (usually college age at the oldest), most girls in my school felt it was weird that guys over 19 were trying to hook up with high school chicks, especially if those girls werent even junior 16 yr olds yet.

 

Trust me, in many cases its way more about male preference than you lead on.

Edited November 10, 2012 by kaylan

[kaylan]

^typical bitter bro who thinks he knows how all women behaved in their 20s, and is praying they get their so called comeuppance. Sounds like you didnt have much luck dating in your younger years.

 

Funny how you talk about bitterness, baggage, and mileage of women, when I can see in your post that you have all three.

 

Remember, that all the crap you just said...plenty of older women say the same thing. They dont want to deal with bitter men who look down on older women because these men have emotional baggage from their poor dating life in their 20s. Theyll date younger, hotter guys too, and often do.

 

At the end of the day...everyone needs to hop off the bitter train. In my experience on these boards (and a bit in real life too), I come across loads more bitter older guys who put older women down, than the reverse. The older women dont seem as fixated on age, fitness, and what not. There are women who do fixate on those things...but they dont seem to hold bitterness if they so happened to not have a big dating life in their 20s. They wont assume all guys ignored them to go sleep around and get baggage.

 

We all need to get real here.

 

PS - If anything I see more older guys on LS trying to convince themselves their more attractive and better than young men, than I see older women trying to convince themselves their more hot to trot than younger women.

Edited November 10, 2012 by kaylan

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Kaylan, thanks for your grounded, well-reasoned, insightful comments in this thread!

[Imported]

Strange? I don't think so. Sad but true? Pretty much.

 

I thought he was being nice by just calling it strange.

[Imported]

^typical bitter bro who thinks he knows how all women behaved in their 20s, and is praying they get their so called comeuppance. Sounds like you didnt have much luck dating in your younger years.

 

 

I know right. Can't believe how some people think they know it all. Especially the ones that don't even know what they don't know.

[suladas]

Just like I pointed out earlier...

 

You were raised by women because you are from a broken home with no strong male role models present in your life growing up. You are a Male with Daddy Issues. Which means, You are sensitive, emotional "Nice" Guy.

 

Due to your "issues", you are COMPELLED to DEFEND, JUSTIFY, MAKE EXCUSES for ALL women at all cost. It doesn't even matter if they are wrong or not.

 

What you fail to realize, these older women with 3 truckloads of baggage you are defending now... Will be the very ones who can spot and will pray upon a "Nice" Guy like you when you are older. Because you are a "Nice" Guy, you will have a "Captain Save A Ho" complex and be a sucker for these type of women. They know this, that's why they go for "Nice" Guys like you. Only "Nice" Guys are stupid enough to want to deal with them and their 3 truckloads of baggage.

 

I better understand now why many of the guys on here have blocked you. You are a total pu.ssy who bought into the whole pussiifcation of men thing that has been going on.

 

Just because you are a man and have a penis... You think you need to apologize for it. The women who raised you and you made your God, must be very proud!

 

Funny, i'm a "nice" guy who dated a older women and by your standards had truckloads of baggage. Weird that it wasn't trying to save her or anything like that. Some people do it for guess what? Because they like that person and can put aside certain things. Who would have thought?

 

Oh and guess what? My parents divorced at a young age and I was mostly raised by my dad, so there goes your theory!

[kaylan]

My last GF happened to be 20 (I was 36).

 

We dated for over 3 years but according to Kaylan (what he is early 20s?)... that never happens.

If you knew how to read properly, youd see I said its rare that young women date men much older than them. Most young women date men their age group. Dunno why you got so butt hurt and angry over an easily verifiable fact that everyone sees in life. Most folks date within their age group. No reason to get mad. Deal with it.

Just like I pointed out earlier...

 

You were raised by women because you are from a broken home with no strong male role models present in your life growing up. You are a Male with Daddy Issues. Which means, You are sensitive, emotional "Nice" Guy.

All you have is character attacks because I blew up your BS nonsense filled post. And its clear you, Mr Gibson, got banned earlier. You mad?

 

Due to your "issues", you are COMPELLED to DEFEND, JUSTIFY, MAKE EXCUSES for ALL women at all cost. It doesn't even matter if they are wrong or not.

And I explained this to you before. You are blind and dont see the times I take females to task on this forum. Ask DY...there are plenty things her and other females disagree with me saying.

 

The problem here is that you are so butt hurt that a male dare disagree with you, that you dream up these false assertions about someone youve never even met. Trust me cry baby, Im not the one with issues here *hands you a mirror*

 

What you fail to realize, these older women with 3 truckloads of baggage you are defending now... Will be the very ones who can spot and will pray upon a "Nice" Guy like you when you are older. Because you are a "Nice" Guy, you will have a "Captain Save A Ho" complex and be a sucker for these type of women. They know this, that's why they go for "Nice" Guys like you. Only "Nice" Guys are stupid enough to want to deal with them and their 3 truckloads of baggage.

Omg...everyone is capable of having baggage. For you to assume that all these older women have baggage and that these older guys dont, is completely asinine. You make all these grandiose assumptions based on what? You dont know everyones situation. You dont know who has baggage or not, nor do you know who slept around during their 20s or not. You sound like a typical whiny MRA. Grow up.

 

Trust me bro...Im far from a nice guy. I think people here know that. Especially since I have a low tolerance for baggage and bullcrap. Which is why I have patience for your bullcrap.

I better understand now why many of the guys on here have blocked you. You are a total pu.ssy who bought into the whole pussiifcation of men thing that has been going on.

Many guys? Save for a few close minded bitter bros, most guys here have discussions with me whether they agree with me or not. Btw, a couple women here have told me they ignored me too. So much for me being in the pocket of the female gender:rolleyes:. The problem is people like you, and those who put me on ignore, is that you all cant handle blunt ciriticism and in-your-face reality checks. You simply want to hear responses from Yes-men.

 

Well sorry bro...how the hell can you bitch about me supposedly towing the female line, all the while expecting me to tow your party line? Sorry I think for myself. I dont ride close-minded gender bashing trains. I be critical of either gender when I see fit.

 

Again, its pathetic that all you can do is become an emotional baby and sling insults. What a sad man you are. Luckily I dont have to deal with whiners like you in real life. Guys like you dont have the balls to talk this kinda crap in the real world. Youd get shut up, because plenty of guys like me, arent nice guys whod let you yammer on. Id throw some mental logic at you and make you look like a fool in front of the world.

Just because you are a man and have a penis... You think you need to apologize for it. The women who raised you and you made your God, must be very proud!

Just because Im a man with a penis doesnt mean I have to agree with everything you said. I dont apologize for anything, and I dont let people try to bully me into believing their stance. The only God in my life is myself.

 

Grow the hell up, you sound like a child.

[suladas]

Let's see...

 

You are 23 and dated a 35 year old women with 4 kids who was in an abusive marriage for years.

 

What did you get?

 

Oh yeah, she dated you for 2 months and dumped you.

 

Why?

 

Because you are a "Nice" Guy. Which means, a total pushover and BORING. That's why you saw her new "Bad" Boy leaving her place the other morning.

 

So you're assuming because a guy is nice they are a pushover and boring? Or is it you're excuse to just be a douchebag to women? I love your assumptions though! Hilarious.

[darkmoon]

Never in my life have I considered dating someone significantly older than me until now.

 

I work with him. He's fit and handsome and looks like he's in his 30's. We've always been flirtatious but I never thought anything of it. After all, he's old enough to be my father. Anyway, about 2 weeks ago we were hanging out at the bar we work at. After I left he texted me, "Did you get home okay?" I told him I did. He then asked, "Are you still hanging out?" I said, "No, but I'd like to be." We ended up hooking up.

 

I felt weird about it. I told him, "That shouldn't happen again." We went to work the next 2 weeks and acted like nothing happened. However, last night I ended up talking to him a lot throughout the night. At the end of the night I again told him I got home safe. He texted me, "You're a cutie" and I said, "You are too" and he said, "I really wanted to kiss you tonight" and I said, "You still can." Then I told him he could come by after work (I live within walking distance from the bar). We didn't hook up last night. He just held me, kissed me, and we fell asleep together. It was sweet.

 

Anyway, this relationship is starting to get weird. The thing is, this is normally how I start dating someone, so it's *normal* in a way. The only reason it's weird is because my friends called him "creepy" when he hung out with me one time at the house (just because he's older) and because I can't imagine dating someone so much older. I want someone to grow old with, and I don't see it lasting long-term because of the age difference.

 

But he makes me laugh. He values my opinions. He doesn't play games. He is honest and genuine. He's attentive. He has the same political beliefs as me and he has an artistic side (which are qualities that are important to me). He's active and works out which inspires me to be healthier. He's a great listener. I like being around him...but I'm so afraid of what people will think.

 

I don't even know if he wants to date me.

 

However, his last relationship lasted 5 years and she was significantly younger than him as well. If he's dated much-younger girls in the past, maybe it's just something he likes to do. I heard she broke his heart, which makes me think that he's a softie. He's told me before, "I don't relate to a lot of people my age. They don't like to have fun." Another time, I talked to him about our age difference he said, "I don't care about that. You make me laugh. You make me smile." He has a good heart. I can tell. He's kind.

 

I want to pursue something...I want to get to know him better, but I just have so many doubts. Like why is he 43 and not married? Does that mean there's something wrong with him, or was he just unlucky? What has he been doing with his life that he's lived twice as long as me for? It just feels crazy...but the feelings are definitely there.

 

What does everyone think?

 

He should be asking you out, less of the hook-ups after work and more of weekends together, or Saturday night

 

do you know what he does over the weekends?

 

who is he with?

 

if yuo can't discuss your questions with him, the questions in the last paragraph of your post, then something is off.

 

i don't think you him well enough to essentially commit to him emotionally, when you haven't spent much time away from work and the bar you use

 

i think you and he should do more dating over the weekends, or it might just be that he's attracted but wants a screw now and again which would be fine but is more like an affair than a relationship

[kaylan]

Funny, i'm a "nice" guy who dated a older women and by your standards had truckloads of baggage. Weird that it wasn't trying to save her or anything like that. Some people do it for guess what? Because they like that person and can put aside certain things. Who would have thought?

 

Oh and guess what? My parents divorced at a young age and I was mostly raised by my dad, so there goes your theory!

 

Let's see...

 

You are 23 and dated a 35 year old women with 4 kids who was in an abusive marriage for years.

 

What did you get?

 

Oh yeah, she dated you for 2 months and dumped you.

 

Why?

 

Because you are a "Nice" Guy. Which means, a total pushover and BORING. That's why you saw her new "Bad" Boy leaving her place the other morning.

Lmao...if someones life doesnt fit into what you think the world should be like, you insult them or talk down to them. How lame are you bro? The world doesnt fit into all the little bubbles you try to make it fit into. God forbid a young guy actually likes an older woman for who she is as a person.

[ThaWholigan]

I don't know why people think Kaylan only sticks up for the girls .

 

Also, what's with the sudden influx of pseudo-Alpha males?

[suladas]

Lmao...if someones life doesnt fit into what you think the world should be like, you insult them or talk down to them. How lame are you bro? The world doesnt fit into all the little bubbles you try to make it fit into. God forbid a young guy actually likes an older woman for who she is as a person.

 

Exactly.

 

 

Why is this thread still going?

[ThaWholigan]

Here is my take on the older man/younger woman thing:

 

It's not really that much of a taboo because it's been happening for a long time. I have issues with guys who ARE predatory about younger women, dudes mid-30s and up trying to date the barely legals. A couple times I've known guys like that to get their asses handed to them for that by those girls brothers/male relatives.

 

I digress......

 

I don't think that older men are predatory towards younger women by default, nor do I think younger women are mostly attracted to older men - however it happens. I knew girls who liked older guys back in college and Uni, and I didn't bat an eyelid because I wasn't bothered. I knew the coo. Even my own mother dated an older man when she was younger. Ironically my step-dad whom she married was younger by nearly a decade .

 

I do notice older women who get uncomfortable with it, but generally it doesn't seem to bother them too much either in my observations. I personally don't believe every older guy who dates younger is predatory to younger women, but there definitely are a sizable portion who are that way. I also don't see why older women are all being written off as bitter.

 

Me personally, I seem to attract girls who are late-teens/very early 20s and I am 24, but I actually prefer girls my own age up to at most early 30s.

[kaylan]

Here is my take on the older man/younger woman thing:

 

It's not really that much of a taboo because it's been happening for a long time. I have issues with guys who ARE predatory about younger women, dudes mid-30s and up trying to date the barely legals. A couple times I've known guys like that to get their asses handed to them for that by those girls brothers/male relatives.

 

I digress......

 

I don't think that older men are predatory towards younger women by default, nor do I think younger women are mostly attracted to older men - however it happens. I knew girls who liked older guys back in college and Uni, and I didn't bat an eyelid because I wasn't bothered. I knew the coo. Even my own mother dated an older man when she was younger. Ironically my step-dad whom she married was younger by nearly a decade .

 

I do notice older women who get uncomfortable with it, but generally it doesn't seem to bother them too much either in my observations. I personally don't believe every older guy who dates younger is predatory to younger women, but there definitely are a sizable portion who are that way. I also don't see why older women are all being written off as bitter.

 

Me personally, I seem to attract girls who are late-teens/very early 20s and I am 24, but I actually prefer girls my own age up to at most early 30s.

This is what I said from the early pages of this thread. I even told OP to go for it and have casual fun, but not to expect anything long term. Yet the bitter brigade decided to whine about the fact that I said most young women date young men. Its fact, no biggie.

 

Its not like I told the OP not to go for it.

[ThaWholigan]

This is what I said from the early pages of this thread. I even told OP to go for it and have casual fun, but not to expect anything long term. Yet the bitter brigade decided to whine about the fact that I said most young women date young men. Its fact, no biggie.

 

Its not like I told the OP not to go for it.

I don't get it either. I'm not one to quibble about age-gaps in dating. If she's 21+ she can date who she wants. I don't understand the arguments about this myself, some older guys actually stumble into these affairs by accident . There really are younger girls that will happily date older and there are lots of them. But if we are to state categorically that this is a general commonality, then we are going to dramatically ignore the fact that people have individual nuances regarding dating, sex and attraction.

[Timothy]

Well I would say age doesn’t matter in love as long as you really think that he is your men..You said that he has all the good qualities which can make you contented..Dont care what others will say, just do what you feel is right but yes family opinion/approval is must.

[Bristolius]

As Monicaelise said - and she was right - there's something not quite right with a 42 year old man who's so emotionally stunted that he can't identify with his own peers because "they don't know how to have fun." The guy sounds like Peter Pan - he doesn't want to grow up so he purposely seeks out young girls who aren't mature and have very little life experience.

 

He'll probably run like the wind when you get a little older, wiser, and more mature and actually want to start achieving your life goals such as settling down, buying a home, having kids, etc. etc. - you know, being a grownup.

 

The guy simply doesn't have the maturity and will seek out his next playmate at the local community college once you're ready to go to the next stage in life that isn't all "playtime."

 

 

 

Who better for Peter Pan than Cinderella?

[GirlontheLam]

Oh time for another ridiculous hollywood example. The new movie with Bradley Cooper (37) and Jennifer Lawrence (22) in a relationship in Silver Linings. Yup totally normal in Holly-weird.

[danny in van]

Oh time for another ridiculous hollywood example. The new movie with Bradley Cooper (37) and Jennifer Lawrence (22) in a relationship in Silver Linings. Yup totally normal in Holly-weird.

 

 

not weird at all...You don't think he with the way he looks and his charm could get with her in real life? I think he could quite easily.

 

The reason more older guys don't end up with younger girls is lack of proximity to them...ie c'mon- when they're sitting beside you in college??

[GorillaTheater]

The reason more older guys don't end up with younger girls is lack of proximity to them...ie c'mon- when they're sitting beside you in college??

 

I suppose I could put the moves on my daughter's friends when she brings them by.