hutch Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 So my ex and I have been together for 6 years now and we have a 3 year old together and she has a 10 year old that lives with us. She ended our relationship two weeks ago but said she is unable to move out right now financially and wants to wait until after the first of the year. In the mean time she does not want to tell the kids and remain as if nothing is wrong so we don't ruin the holidays. Over time with the way things were going I think I prepared myself for this but I'm not ready to give up just yet. So I have started doing some soul searching and figuring out my responsibility for the relationships end. I am in the process of forgiving myself and making changes to my life in hopes of a fresh start. The old relationship is dead and I know we can't have that back but that does not mean its over. So anyways on to my questions or what I need help with. Like I said we still live together,share the same bed,supper,and whatever we did before the breakup. I started a program to improve myself and to win her back. I'm suppose to have limited contact with her since no contact is impossible for my situation. I feel like everyday is a set back. I need help with how to make the limited contact work. She is like a magnet and draws me in with just a look. Then I can't help but wanna talk,tell her not to go,or give her a hug for her bad day. I know we can have the great relationship we both want but I need to get past the other crap first. Anyone with any advice or similar stories or anything it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks G
River Rain Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 That must be a tough situation, I don't think I could handle it but I applaud you for putting the kids first. And also for taking steps to soul search and make changes. I think the only advice I might give is to just be as disciplined as you can with the LC. If there's a chance of reconciliation, it has to be after a time of healing for both of you. I think that focusing on yourself is a good idea. You just have to try to resist because, as you say, to "get past the other crap", it isn't going to happen if you're in full contact with each other. I hope you can work it out, I do believe in second chances.
Author hutch Posted November 8, 2012 Author Posted November 8, 2012 I'm trying to stick to the limited contact as best I can but the hard part is doing that and not coming across as being a jerk. I know she is upset over the breakup but if I keep giving in to her and being her crutch she is never going to feel the weight of this decision and be able to heal. The frustrating part is I know all the steps I need to take and the answers I'm looking for but just not sure how to make it work. Does that make any sense? For example since working on myself I have been watching my weight and have lost 10 pounds in three weeks. She has noticed this and asked "why are you trying to lose weight? Did you meet someone else?" So what do I do? I tell her it's just for my health and she is the only one I've ever wanted blah blah blah. So I'm just letting her lean on me and can't seem to stop. Sorry if I'm ranting or what not but I'm still lost and trying to figure this out and hope for a chance before she does leave. Not just for us but the kids also.
River Rain Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 (edited) I'm trying to stick to the limited contact as best I can but the hard part is doing that and not coming across as being a jerk. I know she is upset over the breakup but if I keep giving in to her and being her crutch she is never going to feel the weight of this decision and be able to heal. The frustrating part is I know all the steps I need to take and the answers I'm looking for but just not sure how to make it work. Does that make any sense? For example since working on myself I have been watching my weight and have lost 10 pounds in three weeks. She has noticed this and asked "why are you trying to lose weight? Did you meet someone else?" So what do I do? I tell her it's just for my health and she is the only one I've ever wanted blah blah blah. So I'm just letting her lean on me and can't seem to stop. Sorry if I'm ranting or what not but I'm still lost and trying to figure this out and hope for a chance before she does leave. Not just for us but the kids also. I don't know what to tell you, but I hope you can work things out. I've never been in that situation. In a so-called "perfect" breakup, you wouldn't have so much contact so that each person can heal, so that those hurt feelings aren't so much in the present...but in your case you have to walk on egg shells. I would just say that if she asks you things like you said above about the weight loss, you can answer that it's for your health and just leave it at that instead of going on and on about how she was the only one. You may have to be strong and tell her that she needs to lean on someone else because it's making it too difficult for you. Just thought of something...I know you want to stay together so the kids can have a good xmas, but why don't one of you arrange to leave for a few weeks on a "business" trip or something, the kids don't need to know, but it would do you both some good? Edited November 8, 2012 by River Rain 1
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